Confused

Hmmm.. I think I MAY have developed some feelings for R... Oh I don't know! ><

He makes me smile all the time and like we can be mean to each other, without neither of us having a nut at each other. I mean, to me, he is the perfect guy for me. BUT! it's the INSIDE that captures me, not the OUTSIDE. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but he's not that good-looking. Not even average, I must say. Everybody who has meet him, has told me that he looks like a nerd. And hey, I don't have anything against them or anything. Just that, sometimes he DOES look a bit clueless/lost and I don't know.. puts me off maybe? But he's l

ike sooo adorable and all from the inside. I love him for that. 

Sometimes, when I think about it, and then see other girls with their oh-so-hot boyfriends, I feel like, 'Oh, why can't I find a good-looking boyfriend like her?' I mean, yeah, that may sound pretty greedy of me, but that's how I feel. And then sometimes I'd think to myself, 'Well, I'm sure that if I love him enough, I wouldn't care about his looks', but you know what? I don't think I can do that, just yet. 

Maybe I am waiting for some good-looking/average guy to knock at my door. But.. Somehow, I think that it would be impossible.. Don't know why I think that. But I do. I really do like R. But, maybe it's coz I can't handle the criticism of 'Why the hell are you going out with a guy like him?' and all that. Or maybe it's really the fact that his appearance REALLy does not capture my heart. I wish he would look average at least. I don't care whether he's got money or not. Average wealth is fine to me. I just want what he's got in the inside, and possibly, a better looking outside... I hope. 

And maybe when that day finally comes, it would be too late. Maybe he would've found someone else who like him for who he is -from the inside and out. Or maybe.. I would've found someone better? But who knows. All I know is that I want someone like him. But a bit better looking on the outside. He's perfect on the inside. But not so perfect on the outside. *sigh* But don't worry. I will still be thinking about this situation. I want to go out with him and become his gf, but.. there are just so many 'buts'. I think I'm thinking like this is all mainly focused on his appearance. Sorry R. You will have to wait longer...