Second Time

Last night, me and my boyfriend had another fight over the phone -yes, again. It was over something very stupid. I was just jokingly accusing him of cheating me me with another girl in China 4 years ago (and we weren't even dating then). And then about 11.30pm, he said he wanted to go to sleep cos he's starting to get a headache, and has work the next morning and he was feeling tired. But I was childish and continued. 


I was going to let him go to sleep after one last sentence about that topic. But BEFORE I even finish the damn sentence, he talked over me and then HUNG UP ON ME -AGAIN!!! SECOND TIME, BRO! Oh my Gosh. At first I was sad and shocked he hung up on me again. But after a while, I was just purely angry. Every time I thought back about the moment he had hung up on me, tears of anger would want to come out. But I had to hold them in. I was really upset.


But of course, after he hung up on me, I texted him saying I'm sorry for being so immature and continuing. But it was OK if he never called me again, so that he could get his sleep without having a headache cos of talking to me over the phone so late. I know it was clearly my fault for starting it, and being so annoying and immature about it. But at the same time, I just wanted to hear his voice for longer... 


What he did was not only mean but very hurtful. I mean, how could you hang up on someone like that?? I don't get it. Not once, but twice!!! I felt so hurt and angry at the same time. I don't know how he does it. It's like, if you're going to regret it the next day, don't do it!!! Far out! It's just not cool! 


I dunno. This is the second time. And it seems like it happens every year now. Last year it was about in September/October that it happened. And it's the same this year. Maybe it will happen again next year? I dunno what will happen if it happens for the third time... I'm already ignoring his texts, although he's texted me that he's sorry for hanging up on me and all. I've also texted him saying that I don't want to talk to him today either. So yeah...


Certain situations like these, makes me think, "Are we suppose to be together?" or "Are those Chinese zodiac things right about us, about not being compatible together?" According to my dad, we won't work out eventually. But I don't want us to end. I love being with him and I don't want anything bad to happen to us. But situations and fights/arguments like these, makes me think twice about whether the zodiac thing is right or not. My mum says that we'll be fine as long as we work things out together and like just balance each other out and not "take advantage" of each other or always being so demanding etc. 


I know that K always is the first one to apologize and I know it's unfair. To be honest, last night, he did sound pretty annoyed before he hung up on me. So I didn't think he'd even text me today or even apologize.... But he did. Which I'm pretty surprised. He said he called early cos he missed my voice heaps and haven't talked to me for quite a long time at night, but he didn't know it would end up like this.. I felt bad, as it was my fault for being such a b*&%$... 


I want to text him back, but my mind says, "No! Screw him!" I just don't know what to do.. ignore him for a day? Or should I talk to him again later on tonight? I'm still slightly pissed off at him, whenever I think back to the moment where he hung up on me. Right now, I feel fine. But I don't know, probably slightly mood-less at the same time and just don't want to talk to him. 


I'd most likely end up talking to him by the end of the night anyways... Cos I'd feel bad about it and don't want to drag on this problem for too long. Cos I know we both promised not to leave our problems/arguments/fights for over 24 hours. And I was the one who asked for that. So I gotta live up to my word. But it takes time to forgive him "properly" without being forced to forgive him.... You know? 


(Of course we're all good now. I ended up talking to him around 4pm. Oh I'm so weak-minded hehe. But I love him so much)

Missin' You So Much

The reason why my boyfriend has only been staying for the weekend, is cos he's changed areas in his job. And now it's 5 working days and 2 days off. Before it was 6 working days and 4 days off, meaning that he could come back and see me longer. Now, it's so hard to see him longer than like, 1 day and a half-ish. It's so sad :(


Now that he's gone back for work, it feels like it'll be aaaggeessss till we're able to see each other again. I just miss him even more now. Every month, I only get to see him like for 1 day and a half-ish. It's very painful. It makes me feel so lonely without him by my side. 


Sometimes it feels like he's the only person in this whole world (besides family), that I can turn to, with any problem that I got. He means the world to me and if anything happens to him, I'd be ever so devastated :( I don't want him to work in that new area anymore. Not only does he not get enough sleep/rest, he has to wake up so early and has a lot of stress at work cos of the work load that he has to do. I worry about him heaps. 


There are times, when I wonder and think to myself, if he didn't have a girlfriend, would he still be the same? Like, sleeping late at night, hoping/waiting to call me or having to try text me whenever he can? It makes me think, he gets so tired, is cos he has a girlfriend... Maybe if he didn't have a girlfriend, he'll like the job more, and wouldn't have to plan as many trips to come back and see me (and his parents)? Wouldn't have to stay up late, waiting to call me or checking to see what I'm doing etc.


Either way, I miss him heaps and I try my best to not be a "princess" and let him have most things his way. I don't want to see him get sick or anything which may make his health worse :( I worry about him heaps. And I miss him more than ever now :(

"Should Get Married"

So my boyfriend came back down to Palmy for the weekend and tonight, just before his flight back to Auckland, we had dinner at his place with his mom. After dinner, he went for a shower, while me and his mom sat there, having a chat about, I don't know. Everything. Mainly about life. 


The thing that shocked me the most was that she said to me that, me and her son [my boyfriend] should get married!!!! I was like WHAT!!?!??! You gotta be kidding me, right?!?!! She was then like, "You can still study when you're married. It would be nice if there was someone to look after K when he's at home. Cook him some homemade soup and look after him in general." I just didn't know what to say after that... Just sat there kinda shocked and speechless. She also mentioned that, she and her husband [K's parents] could move up to Auckland as well, cos K's older sister is in Auckland too, and so they don't have to live in Palmy by themselves as they can't speak English that well, and needed to rely on us young[er] ones.


To be honest, I don't mind marrying him. It's just a little TOO early to be thinking about that. I mean I'm still VERY young and I do not intend to get married ALREADY! I have a lot I want to do before I stay really committed to the relationship. I mean, I'm not saying that I'm not committed right now, it's just that the situation would most likely turn into: get married → have kids → become a housewife → no time for self etc etc. And that is not what I want... Not yet anyways.


I mean, we plan on moving in together after I graduate from uni anyways.. So there's no rush to get married yet. When we move in together, we'll see each other everyday and I'll be able to look after him and he will be able to look after me. It's just it'll be a year until we get to move in together. But I'll be moving up to Auckland of course. I'm trying my best to pass every single one of my papers without fail. My goal is to graduate, move up to Auckland and live with my boyfriend. 


So marriage? Hmmm... No thanks. Not for now sorry, Aunty! :/