KING OF POP

Well, It seems that the whole world should know by now that , the King of Pop, Michael Jackson had passed away on the 25th June 2009, on a Thursday afternoon. It's very saddening to know such thing. HE died at a young age of 50. Even though I am not a major fan of MJ, After watching all his music videos on TV (c4). Somehow, they kind of made me think. I don't know how. But it made me realise that even though he had done all that bad stuff in his life, he was actually a good singer and dancer. And I guess, that's what made me admire him or I don't know.... Look up to him? Or look at him in a different perspective from what it was before.

I hope his family is dealing with it well..

R.I.P Michael Jackson.

You will be remembered.

1958 - 2009

dO i.....?

Ok. So I haven't been blogging in agessss. I guess quite a lt has been happening....?
Well so far, on last Saturday, my guy best friend had a party (to kinda celebrate me and his birthday 2 weeks ago). It was pretty fun acutally. And this time, I did not get drunk! LOL. *phew*

BUT! Like i said before in my other blog, I have been hanging out with this guy... (who's African) and we have become really close I guess. I mean we talk on the phone pretty much everyday and night, we text a lot and all. We have also hung out a lot during the first week of our holiday. I must say it's pretty fun hanging out and talking to him. You could say that we can talk about pretty much anything, and that we know quite a lot about each other now -though I know that there is more to know about each other. He makes me smile and laugh a lot. Everytime I look at him, I dunno, but I just start to smile. There must be something about him that makes me look/stare at him that way....

Sometimes, when I look at him, I think, 'Maybe being his girlfriend wouldn't be so bad, would it?' but then I think about what other people would say about us if we DID go out. Coz he told me he had a crush on me last Sunday night. When I asked him how his love life was, he told me that it wasn't going so well and I asked him why not, he replied "Coz I like this chick, but I don't know if she likes me or not. And I know that she doesn't want to be in a relationship and everything." And obviously... he was meaning me. I mean, I was the one that told him that I thought that being in a relationship was annoying, and a lot of hard work and all. 

I sometimes feel that I WANT to be with him, but then there are all these people that kind of like... get all racist, saying things like 'asians and blacks hanging out together? Gosh.' or somthing like 'How often do u see a black and an asian hang out?' Man. That is like sooo annoying. I have that kind of criticism.... It totally puts me off any realtionship....
Well. We'll see what happens. Hope it all goes well. Or we could just stay good friends...

.

Confusion

I am so confused right now. I think I like this guy friend of mine, but I am not sure. I mean we haven't known each other for long. Probably for about a month and a couple of weeks. We have been spending quite a lot of time together and getting to know each other. 

I have been to his soccer games, been to his house, meet his dad and little half-brother, meet his flat-mate and pretty much everything.We text each other everyday and sometimes he would call me. But now that it's the holidays, and he has to babysit his little brother for 3 weeks, we don't get to spend much time together. It kinda sucks. It's only been a 4 days since we've last been together and I sort of miss him already. I want to see him...

But the thing is. Do I really want to be with him and do I really like him more than a friend? Or do I like him coz he kind of resembles my stupid Filipino "ex"? Like they are both about the same height, they both sound kind of similar when they are on the phone and when they talk (face-to-face) to me, and (not being racist or anything) but they are both black. Well one is Filipino and the (one I 'like') is African. So it's kinda like Black (Filipino) and Brown (African) rather than just 'black'. 

Anyways. The only thing that is not the same about them is that the African guy is more fit, he does boxing and plays soccer and can run a mile (he's a really fast runner) and the Filipino "ex" is like fat, useless and is shit coz all he does is drink, smoke and party all day/week long,  hook up with God-knows how many chicks, and those are  some of the reasons why I hate him. The African guy is cooler. He doesn't smoke or over-drink and party. He only wants to find someone who he loves and loves him back.

I don't know whether I like him coz of the fact that he sort of reminds me of my "ex" or that I do actually like him. I'm so confused. It's like I want to be with him, but then I can't handle the criticism that I will get for going out with a black guy... and I have also realized I don't like the thought of being 'taken' as my status. I think I am the 'flirty' type of person, and I do not like being someone's girlfriend and I like the idea of being free and single but then again, I feel kind of sad when I see all these people with the one they love and all that. But what can I do? I don't want to have my status being said as 'taken', 'seeing someone', 'in a relationship' etc. etc.

Well. I don't know what I want. Do I? I mean, Yeah. I want a boyfriend and then No, I don't want one coz I don't want to be known as I'm taken. GOD I'm so confused and frustrated about this. 

I miss him right now. Can we be friends forever or is that all we're ever gonna be?

My Birthday

Last Tuesday was my 19th birthday. It was great even though I had to study for my upcoming exams.

In the morning, my older sister took me out for breakfast at McDonalds. I had pancakes, hash brown and hot chocolate. It was delicious! After that me and my sister went for a 30 mintutes shopping spree. Though I didn't buy anything for myself, I bought my sister a $30 jacket at Cotton On. As you know I don't usually go buying stuff for people.. espiciallt that expensive (no. I'm not THAT cheap), but the main reaon that I bought it for her was that she really liied it and she had no money, as she had spent it on me and my breakfast and gave me $20 as my birthday present (as I had asked for $20). I felt sorry for her as she was getting 'poor', mainly coz of her boyfriend...



Anyways! And then in the afternoon, my Canotonese guy mate took me out for lunch with some two of our other friends. We had lunch at The Hotel Coachman. I had this Salmon Fish Cake thing. It was very nice and quite filling. It was $12. After that, My Cantonese guy friend took me back to Uni and I just went to study and all, while the rest of them just went to the computer lab and did their own things.

Even though my birthday wasn't all that exciting and I didn't get much presents. But I'm happy to say quite a lot of my friends had remmebered. About 13 of them had texted me and about 2 had said happy birthday to me and a couple on facebook that said happy birthday to me. And that's what matters to me. It's the thought that counts. Not the present.


Well! I have one more exanm to go! So hopefully after that I'll be able to do more blogging!

stuCk between them

It's been a long time since I have blogged. That's coz I have been busy studying and having to hang out with my friends.Anyways! I have something to say (hehe).

I have two guy friends. And one f them is my guys best friend, and the other is one of his friends which I have come to be (pretty close) friends with. I love them both. But the thing is, I eel that if I hang out with Friend A then Friend B will get jealous. Coz as you know that my guy best friend has once liked me before and I don't know whether he has gotten over that or not (but I doubt he has). And if I hang out with friend B, he will think that he is ruining me and friend A's friendship. OMG! I hate this. 

I feel like I need to like... I dunno. Please them both? Like make them happy, so neither of them would have 'problems' or 'envy' or whatever with each other. That's why I hate being good friends with the guys that know my guy best friend. Coz this is what will happen. I feel like it's coz the fact that my guy best friend likes me so he will feel jealous that I am hanging out with his friend(s) more than I am hanging out with him. And then I feel bad coz I haven't been hanging out with him. Man. I'm so confused and sort of annoyed aye. 

I mean I love hanging out with Friend B coz he makes me laugh a lot and we have so much fun whenever he walks me home from his soccer game or that time when he walked me home at night coz I missed the bus (- _ -^) or whenever we are together. He is just really nice to me, I know he loves me for who I am. He is very honest with me and everything even thought I haven't known him for long. Probably about a month or so. 

Friend A. He is great as well, seeing as he is my guy best friend. He makes me laugh a lot also and we have fun together as well. But one thing that annoys me is that he has those feelings for me. I like to pretend that he doesn't have those feelings for me, But sometimes it doesn't work (haha). He's great. I can't choose between these two good friends. I never want to end our friendship with these two guys. But what can I do?

Sometimes, It's hard for me to talk about Friend B to Friend A as I think that this will cause Friend A to get jealous. Like when one night I was talking to Friend A on MSN and he said to me that he thought I was going out with Friend B that night. And I told him no. I wasn't. Coz I was busy. Then (I think) Friend A got a bit annoyed (?) coz Friend B never asked him whether he wanted to go out (clubbing) or not, but friend B had asked me and and not him. When Friend B texted me that he felt stink he had asked me and no Friend A as well, I told myself I should never tell friend A anything about me and Friend B. Coz:

a) Friend A will fell jealous and left out coz I didn't hang out with him 

b) Friend B will feel that he is ruining his own friendship with Friend A

and

c) Friend B will think that because of him, me and Friend A aren't close and more and is Friend A's 'replacement'

And you know what? I hated it when Friend B told me that he felt that he was the replacement of Friend A. It annoyed me soo much. I didn't want anyone to think of themselves like that when they hang out with me. I just want to be friends. Is it really that hard? That's why I don't like being around guys that Friend A knows (quite well) coz then his friends will know when to 'back off' from hanging out with me, and I feel bad coz they hang out with me and that I feel the need to make them both happy... and set time to hang out with them both...