What Happened (Part 2)

So as I said before in the  last blog, that I have been feeling that me and one of my closest guy friends have been drifting apart.

I don't know why. But it feels that we aren't as close  as we use to be. We talked about out it at one point. Like last week on Wednesday night. He told me that he felt that I had changed. Pretty much straight after I had come back from Hong Kong. But I haven't!! i don't know why he said that. But then again, when I think about it.. I HAVEN'T changed at all (maybe a few minor bits but not fully), but what I realized was that I did not want to (once again) be too close to him. coz I know that if I did. Then it would be harder for both of us. For him, coz then he'll never find another chick who would actually love him  in return (unlike me) and for me, it would be hard for me to tell him that i hang out with guys a lot and that if I do later on in the future, have a boyf, it would be hard for him to take in.

He also said that  sometimes whenever our group is going to hang out, he wishes that i wasn't there, coz he didn't want his appearance/presence to ruin my day. And he thought that he was losing one of his closest girl mates. But I never thought of it like that. I've always thought that we were friends. Maybe not as close as we were last year. But I've always had in mind that we were still friends. 

And recently... I've come to the realization that I really! cannot trust his words. I dunno. Maybe it's coz he doesn't want to tell the truth or that he feels pressured to not let me (or others) know the truth [about anything]. I have to THINK TWICE, whenever he tells me something and when  I want to know something from him. I just find it really hard to communicate with him sometimes. Especially when I'm serious about wanting to know about something and he tells a lie... But then again.. he might not be telling a lie.. or that.. I dunno. I just cannot seem to trust him these days...

I feel mean when I give him the 'cold shoulders'. But I just feel sooo annoyed when I KNOW that he is telling a big, fat lie right in-front of my face! (or to someone else's). I want to trust him. But I gotta trust my gut feeling/s. It tells me to not trust him -fully. Either way. I know that I have to think carefully before believing in what he tells me and says to me. But I know that, no matter what, he will always be my good friend, and that I will always be there for him, and care for him and help him whenever he needs it, not matter how much of a 'loser/liar' he is. Coz that's what [real] friends are for...