i dOn`t need a man?

Once again I have not been blogging in ages. That's because I don't have enough time and when I do, there is always someone near me so I don't feel comfortable blogging when they are around.. hehe ^^

Anyways. News is that J is going out with the Korean girl that he hooked up with, at his party and where she said that he was the one who took advantage of her even though it was her that went in first. But then the next day they decided that they should go out and 'give it a go'. (What the hell is up with that?!)

I also heard from my little sister that J said to her that him and G isn't really friends anymore and his girlfriend told my little sister that he doesn't like him or something and she won't tell my sister the reasons why he doesn't like (or hate) G. I really want to know. I've tried subtly making him tell me but obviously, he's good with making 'excuses'. 

The thing is everybody knows that J still likes me and he had told me on the night of the party (after his now-girlfriend went home). Then about three weeks later, J tells me and I asked him whether he still likes me or not, and he said no. So when I told my friend, she believed that he was lying. But when you think about it. I think he is lying. Coz how can you say that you still like someone and then the next day, BOOM. Your with someone else?! I don't see how that works. But that doesn't really matter I guess. As long as we're still good friends, then I'm happy.

But the thing is. Sometimes I think I want to have a boyfriend, just to get back at him. I dunno why. Maybe it's coz I want him to be jealous? Or is it coz I want to know whether he still likes me or not? Hmmm... I don't know. I kind of do want a boyfriend. And I kind of don't... What's happening to me?! what am I thinking?! Am I jealous? Nope. I don't think so. Coz I don't see him more than a friend. But sometimes, I feel that maybe I 'want' to go out with G, just to make J jealous. But honestly, do I? If I did do that, I would hurt G, and I wouldn't know how to get out of the relationship if we started one... So maybe... I'll just leave it as it is. I don't want to do something I'd regret later on and I most certainly do not want to hurt anyone, including myself. I do like G, but I am not so sure on whether I do want to go out with him and take things seriously to the next level of our friendship. I don't want to lose him as a friend if I hurt him when I have realized that, this is not what I want.