fOrgOttOn lOve

I think i have forgotten how to love someone -truly. As in, the feeling when a girl (or guy), has a crush (or those little feelings) on someone and htey think about that 'special someone' like everyday and doodles on their cooks whenever they can, writing their names and linking them to their 'special someone's' name together like: S.J 4 H.K. and all those other stuff.

I don't know where all those 'love' feelings of mine have gone... I don't seem to have a crush for any guy for the past few years. after that traumatic 'relationship' I had in October/November 2007 to January (-May) 2008 with a certain guy.. After him. I don't think that I have ever had those 'like/love' feelings for anyone, anymore...

Maybe it's coz of the fact that after what that guy did to me during that time i sorta had a 'relationship' with that guy, and how much he hurt me, when I loved(?) him so much.. I thought he was the nicest and coolest guy I've ever met... but apparently not. At the end of January I found out a lot of bad things about him -including that the fact that he smokes and is a heavy-as drinker and had done drugs while I was away in Auckland in January. I also found out that he had cheated on me, used me, lied to me etc. (though we were never a actual couple) but still.. we had something going on, and all our friends knew, even thought we kept denying that we were more than friends -but not going out..

Maybe it's coz of him that I have forgotten how to love another guy. Coz after that depressing year, I have never actually, fully liked or loved (or had a crush) on any other guy. I can't believe I've just figured that out today! I guess maybe it was the after effect that it gave me? I mean I sill know what love is and everything (I think), but the thing is, with all the guy friends that I've had so far, I've never ever had a crush or the tiniest liking of them. It's either that i treat them as a friend or a (younger or older) brother... 

WHY?! I want a boyf.. but then again, having one isn't important to me. Even when I find out that guys like me, I just don't seem to like them back. It's either coz the fact that i don't have any feelings in return for them, or that I only treat them as a (younger or older) brother or that I will NEVER EVER like them the way they like me and that it will NEVER work out, no matter what.. I mean, no. I still like guys and all. But it just seems to me that I haven't liked or had those little feelings for a guy in like ageeeesss!! hmm.. I wonder what is wrong with me? Do i seriously have problems?

or am I just totally put off guys (so far/for now) coz of that last 'relationship' I had? Or that I REEEAALLLY want to concentrate on my studies?