Going Back Again

It's only been a day since he left for Auckland again. Yet, I still miss him like mad and think about everything that we had done the past week that he had been here.... I really hate it when he has to go back.... :( I know we've been doing this for nearly 21 months, him coming down to see me every month and then having to go back in a short time. But no matter how long or short the time that he has spent here with me, I know I know I should be use to the whole cycle already.. But in fact, I'm not.. And I don't think I ever will be use to seeing him go.... :(


I don't know why I get so emotional... I know I do love him heaps and never want to see him go, but I've been told to be a little more mature about it. To not get so emotional and always expressing to my family how much I love and miss him. I can't help it.... I just miss that boy so much and want to see him more often than I see him now... I mean seeing him every weekend would be fine with me... But we both lost that chance.


He could've been transferred to Wellington for work. But it got declined and at the same time, I did and didn't want him to. I did cos I do want to see him and I didn't was because I thought that I would get sick of him if I saw him every weekend. But now it's too late as I now know that I would never get sick of him no matter how much I see him. I regret for hoping that he won't be transferred to Wellington.. But there is nothing we can do about it now.. 


I don't understand how guys are able to hold in their feelings so well. Whenever I cry, he comforts me by saying that I shouldn't cry cos then I won't be pretty. He makes me smile so much, even when typing out this makes my eyes fill up with tears... I have a feeling that he does want to cry too but just not in front of me. But sometimes I wish he would show some emotion that he's sad to leave as well. I know he's sad but I want him to show it... 


My mum tells me that he is mature about love and that I should learn that from him as well. I don't know, but I just can't. He is my first and only love. It's so hard on me... I know I will feel better after a few days or a week... I try to tell myself to be more brave and less emotional like him, but I just can't... I want to express all this feeling inside me to him, but I don't want to seem like a crazy emotional girlfriend that seems like she can't live without him. I just miss him so much and want to see him after work or every weekend... I know that I won't be the type of person who will jump off the cliff or commit suicide if anything bad goes wrong in our relationship.. But I guess I will cry so much every night and every moment that I think of, which happened during out happy times.... I miss him so much..


 I really can't wait til I finally get to move in with him then I will get to see him all the time and be able to sleep beside him every night and wake up with him beside me every morning.