Confused

Hmmm.. I think I MAY have developed some feelings for R... Oh I don't know! ><

He makes me smile all the time and like we can be mean to each other, without neither of us having a nut at each other. I mean, to me, he is the perfect guy for me. BUT! it's the INSIDE that captures me, not the OUTSIDE. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but he's not that good-looking. Not even average, I must say. Everybody who has meet him, has told me that he looks like a nerd. And hey, I don't have anything against them or anything. Just that, sometimes he DOES look a bit clueless/lost and I don't know.. puts me off maybe? But he's l

ike sooo adorable and all from the inside. I love him for that. 

Sometimes, when I think about it, and then see other girls with their oh-so-hot boyfriends, I feel like, 'Oh, why can't I find a good-looking boyfriend like her?' I mean, yeah, that may sound pretty greedy of me, but that's how I feel. And then sometimes I'd think to myself, 'Well, I'm sure that if I love him enough, I wouldn't care about his looks', but you know what? I don't think I can do that, just yet. 

Maybe I am waiting for some good-looking/average guy to knock at my door. But.. Somehow, I think that it would be impossible.. Don't know why I think that. But I do. I really do like R. But, maybe it's coz I can't handle the criticism of 'Why the hell are you going out with a guy like him?' and all that. Or maybe it's really the fact that his appearance REALLy does not capture my heart. I wish he would look average at least. I don't care whether he's got money or not. Average wealth is fine to me. I just want what he's got in the inside, and possibly, a better looking outside... I hope. 

And maybe when that day finally comes, it would be too late. Maybe he would've found someone else who like him for who he is -from the inside and out. Or maybe.. I would've found someone better? But who knows. All I know is that I want someone like him. But a bit better looking on the outside. He's perfect on the inside. But not so perfect on the outside. *sigh* But don't worry. I will still be thinking about this situation. I want to go out with him and become his gf, but.. there are just so many 'buts'. I think I'm thinking like this is all mainly focused on his appearance. Sorry R. You will have to wait longer...

So Bored..

Well, not a lot has been happening lately. Just you know, right now is the start of the exam month/'season'. And I have been preparing for my physical geography exam (which was this morning) for like the last 5 or so days. Man, was it hard work, cramming everything into my head or what? I kept

getting distracted... and seem to always lose concentration. Well, I guess I finally got through. Though last night, I practically 'died'. Felt so wasted, so tired, so sleepy. Got about 3 hours nap. Wasn't that comfy but was an OK sleep. But felt good and recharged afterwards! Yeah, so I woke up at 7.30 a.m. to go take a shower and then spend a couple of minutes studying for my geo exam. Did some last minute studying and yeah, went into the exam room. When it started, sort of did alright in Section A. Sort of OK in Section B and didn't do Section C, as I had no idea on any of those topics. One thing I'm pissed about is, that I screwed up the Carbon cycle! And last night, my brother (DC) was teaching me and telling me about it. *Sigh* What a let down =(

Anyways. So I've only got two more exams to go. The Chinese and the Japanese one. Hope it all goes well!

Hmm.. Well, recently, K asked me this question on Facebook (FB), "When are you going to give me your heart.. hahaha". This question got asked was mainly coz of this FB application. I think it was called the 'Give Hearts' application(?). Yeah, well, I give him those hearts, pretty much everyday. But I also give them to other people too. He said that as well as saying that the heart that I had just given was a 'very nice heart'. So I answered to that 'unusual' question, 'Umm... I don't know.' and then yeah, he asked me again, and I said that I didn't know what he was talking about, and he said that I was a smart girl, and that I should be able to work it out. I told him that I didn't want to get the wrong idea, and so yeah, he won't tell me, but I'm hoping that it's not what I think it is...

I mean, I wouldn't know what to do if you know.. it's actually what I think it is, that he's trying to get 'through' to me. So yeah... I'd like to know, but at the same time, I don't want to know the truth...

Mmm.. I'm feeling so tired and restless here.. I have a sore back at the moment... I have nothing much to do... I want to go see R, but I don't know whether he is up yet or not (even though it's like 2.51 p.m now) and I think maybe he will be studying...? So yeah.. and I don't want to go home yet... Man. I feel so .. miserable(?) and bored over here... *sigh*

Close Buddies

Yep. Once again, I haven't been blogging for quite a while. 

Well anyways, yesterday was R's birthday. So I decided to get him a birthday cake, coz he said he wanted a chocolate cake from New World. But the thing was, I didn't realize that the cake that he wanted was the one on Pioneer Highway not the one on Broadway Ave. Luckily! I went with H after I helped him out with his essay and having lunch with him and his friend. Yeah, so we went to the one on Broadway Ave first, by bus. We went there, and we 

couldn't find the one that he wanted, so we went to Woolworths across the street. We couldn't find any. But I think we bought some nice silver candles from there. So went carried on with out trip, by foot(!), in the rain (it was raining every now and then), very windy too! We walked back to Downtown, as I had needed to go to the bathroom, on the way there, I saw that hot BK manager again!! *yay* ^^ 

So me and H were just walking from A to B. It was pretty far I tell you. I think it took us about 20 minutes to walk all the way t the Pioneer Highway New World. Was sure  a tough journey.. But luckily I had company with me! We made quite a few trips to other shops and places for the candles, decorations for his (R's) cake and also H wanted to go rent out a game. Man, we walked for like 2 - 3 hours, straight up. And man, were we tired or what?! Finally, when we were just outside his place, we had to decorate his cake with some candles we bought on the way, from Pak 'n' Save. They were some "Happy Birthday" candles. Very pretty after we decorated the cake. Of course. We missed out one thing, the lighter, so we could light up the candle. And R said that he doesn't  have one at his place. But we went to his place anyway

s, since we were so tired. When we got there, I said 'happy Birthday' to him. And then we just sat down on his bed and watched this Cantonese drama with him. After that, we just mucked around in his room, K2 said that we will have dinner at 6.30 p.m. and I got hungry so i searched for food in his room (haha) and  I found some panda cookie thing to eat. Was good enough for my stomach. Shut my stomach up for then.

So we went out at about 6.45 p.m. We finally decided that we would go to Aqaba to have dinner. I ordered a Thai Green Curry Chicken, R ordered a Scotch Fillet -he also had dessert (Black Forest Cheesecake) afterwards too, and H ordereed the same Scotch fillet and I'm not really sure what K2 ordered. But it was some sorta fish fillet thing. Was a great atmosphere. We all laughed, talked, joked around and everything. Was certainly a good night. Then about  8 p.m. we went back to his place, me and H had to go to Countdown, to go buy a lighter so we could light up the candles. When we got back, we went into their kitchen place and we lit the candles and all, got cameras out, put the lights on, etc etc. We sang him the "Happy Birthday" song and then R blew out the candles. And then we finally got to eat the chocolate gâteaux (cake). Was yum. K2 thought it was better than (who I think it was - R's ex gf's) cake from some years ago... But R disagreed. I didn't care. Coz for K2 liked it, so I'm all good with that! =)

After eating that one piece of cake, we washed the dishes, we just all crowded around the sink, while me and H were washing the dishes. And then we all went back to R's room. We then decided to go home, so K2 took me and H home at about 9 p.m. 

Hmmm!! I think it was a great day! Though I still can't believe that I had to go through ALL that just for R! (haha), I think that was the FIRST time ever, that I have ever done such thing. But in the end, I knew it was worth it, considering that I would have nothing else to give him on his first birthday celebration with me! ^^ I think altogether i spent about $30 on his birthday ("present"). But it's worth it, coz he's such a good friend! 

Not Bad

Yeah. So long time no blogging. Hmm.. Well here are my thoughts. 

I've decided to give up on K2, seeing as there are absolutely no chance that I will ever get a chance to be his girlfriend. And it's not like he's showing any interests to me.. =( Sad. I know. But that's OK. At least now I don;t have to be hung up on some stupid guy (even though he is still me friend - though we aren't that close). 

Also, I still have R, so it's OK. We can still have fun together. And I know that R doesn't like me (more than a friend), coz he told me that, he talks differently to the girl he likes (apparently that Malaysian girl we saw at IPC. He think she's hot. But I think she looks really.. boring ><>

AND! I met a new friend, H. Though you could say we sorta met via Facebook - R's page (haha). So we got to know each other and talked a lot on Facebook and then got each others numbers and then started talking on MSN. Yeah. Apparently he's seen me around at uni (that's pretty much how we first had our 'convo'). BUt to be honest, I have never seen him around at uni before... @_@ H is a good guy. He's very kind, and a very forgiving person. Though.. Honestly... He's not that great looking. BUT! He's got style. And you know? It doesn't seem to bother me that much, how guys don't look so 'hot'. It's the INSIDE that counts. 

I mean, I thought K2 was hot and all. But do I have a chance with him? No. I don't think so. But for now, I like to think of all of my guy mates, just as friends! xD Makes my life easier. Less things to think about. 

LIKE at First Sight

Well, before I get started about this 'crush' thing of mine. I'll just say a bit about what happened yesterday when I saw J. OK. So I saw him and we just talked and all. BUT! I didn't ask him or talk to him about him 'betraying' me or whatever. I don't know why. Maybe it's because... I believe that he didn't 'betray' me? Hmm... I don't know. I think that I will tell him when he asks about him (G). Like if he says/asks, 'How's G?' then I'd probably be like, 'We're not friends anymore. Didn't you know? I thought you guys were good friends and he tells you everything.....!' Hmm... yeah. Probably something like that huh? 

ANYWAYS! Back to my.. "happy" story. Well, it goes like this. Last Tuesday, R introduced me to his good friend, K2. Well, actually, I was just hanging out with R, and then he told me that he was actually planning on having dinner with his friend and said that I could join them. So I did, since I didn't want to go home yet and R said that K2 could take me home. When K2 walked into R's room, I was like to myself,' WHOAAAA! Hottie....!' But you know, I wasn't like, all heads over heels for him or anything. Just thought. 'Oh. he's good looking.' That's it. Yeah, so we went to this Italian restaurant up at Summerhill Il Capo pasta & Pizzeria @ 7 p.m. or something like that. We ordered two pizzas and one pasta. They were pretty tasty pizzas and pasta. Though it was like $12 for a small pizza. It was quite filling. But pretty small too. After that, we just sat there and had a little chat, K2 ate most of the pizzas and pasta, coz I was too full and didn't want my big stomach to show (haha) and R was sick so he couldn't eat much.

We left at like 8 p.m. and K2 drove me home. I really think that K2 is like the BEST looking guy I've ever seen so far. Well, not in a while anyways. I mean, he's single, from Hong Kong, only 23, good looking, most likely a rich guy, have good style and such a gentleman. I must say he is someone that I'd like to go out with. He's a potential boyfriend for me. But I thing that I would have no chance, I mean, he's such a good looking guy so why would he go for someone like me? I don't think he's "desperate" for a girlfriend and would have any problems in finding a potential girlfriend. He's so good looking and such a nice guy. How hard would it be for him to find a girl? 

*Sigh* When I find the right guy, he's just too good for me. When there are plenty of guys around me, none of them are right for me... Life is hard, huh? And the thing is, K2 thinks that me and R are going out!! OMG. That's just even more tragic. Coz that'll mean that, he won't go for me, coz he thinks that his friend is going out with me!! OMG!! That's so not good!! I wonder how I can get to him... I'm not desperate. But you know. I do want him to be my boyfriend. Since he is the kind of guy I want. In a way, you could say that he is the "perfect" guy for me... xD So we'll see how things go, huh? Wish me luck!! ><

No longer Friends

Yeah. So I haven't been blogging since.. last week I think. Not a lot has been happening. But, I'll sum up on 

what has been happening so far plus what I will really talk about regarding that title up there.. haha. Well. On Saturday 19th, it was the Sakura Festival at IPC (International Pacific College) and me and my friends R a

nd (New friend. Introduced to me last Tuesday by R) K2 (Yes. Another K lol) went to the festival together @ 12.30 p.m. K2 drove us up there. We just walked around a bit. Trying to find some (good) food to eat and yeah, just looking around really. And meet a lot of my friends there. And so did K2. And oh my gosh! K2 thinks that me and R are going out! WHAT THE HELL?! No way! >O<; K2 is pretty good looking (and single) I might just add ;) 

Anyways!! So, what I wanted to blog about today is that, yesterday was G's birthday, and I decided I should play my part, and say 'happy birthday' to him. I wanted to say it via Facebook. But I found out that he had actually deleted me off Facebook. I don't know when exactly. But I'm thinking it was about a couple of weeks or so ago. So i decided to text him 'happy birthday'. I texted to him 'Thanks for deleting me off Facebook. I'd just like to say. Happy birthday. Hope you had a good one. oh. and have a nice life. bye.' (Haha I purposely put 'have a nice life there haha). And then he replied with a NASTY AS response (lol). He said 'Bitch f*** off. Jerey told me everything about you. I don't want you near me. Delete my number. I don't wanna hear anything from you. Stay the f*** outta here. You have lost all my respect. I'm having a good life without you in my business. So once again f*** off arse whole and I mean it.' 

Man that made me laugh. I mean, for a start, he spelt his 'good' friend, J, WRONG!

 And he tried to spell "asshole" but he spelt it with a "W"!! I mean what the hell? If you want to swear, at least spell it right. Secondly, he says, 'you have lost all my respect.' Well for his information, he has never fully respected me. So what the hell is he trying to say? Oh yeah. That's right. He's once again, the person that's right. Was doing the 'right' thing all along and also the "victim". Yeahhhhh right. He never considers other people's feelings. Everything HAS to be about HIM. It's like the world revolves around HIM ONLY. So selfish. But whatever. I don't give a damn about that freak no more anyways. I played my role. I never said anything as nasty to him as he had to me. And don't worry. I won't say anything to him, in order to defend myself. I will refrain myself from saying nasty things about him or to him. I have put up with him for so long. And yet. He treats me like shit and thinks that HE was the one getting treated like shit and is right about everything. He is soo inconsiderate. I hate people like him. Either way, I don't care about him anymore. We will go our own separate ways. I don't care what he does or says. And I, myself, is definitely having a good, relaxing life without him as well. No one to cling onto me, no one to have stupid arguments with and most importantly, no one to hurt me over and over again with their hurtful words. I will never miss anything about him. NEVER. Will NOT think about the good times we had. Will NOT think about how he hurt me. But now. All I know is that, NEVER be friends with black people. They are all such complicating people. I'm sorry to judge all black people on just one person. But, if you think about it, it's true... 

On the other hand, I'd like to know why, my best guy friend, J, told G everything! And yet, he was the one that told me that, 'everything that we talk about (G) is just between us'. HUH?! What happened to that?! I trusted him, that's why I THOUGHT I could tell him how i felt about G and there he  goes telling G!! WHAT THE HELL!??!!? He betrayed me!! I don't know whether that is true or not. But I cannot trust anyone, anymore. I won't tell J anything, regarding my feelings for anyone! I can't trust him with that. But I still plan to confront to him about this issue. We'll see what happens when I see J tomorrow,

Stalking Me?

Well.. I haven't been blogging for ages it seems.. Well that's mainly because I have nothing much to say.

Recently, my life has been average. No real big dramas like I had before the second semester break. Which is good I rekon. But the thing is, this has only been the first week after my semester break finished and I think G has sort of been stalking me? I wouldn't know if you would call it 'stalking'. But he HAS been sort of following me. Not constantly. But just.. Occasionally I guess.

I mean on that Monday back, I had finished for the day @ 1 p.m. and went to the computer lab, I saw him in the computer lab at uni, and I didn't want to say hi, mainly because I did not want to make conversation with him, it's just really awkward (for me) anyways. So i pretended I didn't see him. But I know that he did see me, as I was sort of sitting like in front of him. I didn't want to turn around or look around the room, coz I didn't even want to say hi or smile at him. it's just hard for me to such stuff at the moment. My gf S came in the lab, sometime around 2 p.m. and even then, it was hard for me to turn around at look at her. luckily she sat on my left side. Or it will be soo obvious that I could see him, if I turned around to talk to S. He eventually left the room at about 2.30 p.m. or something like that. I was relieved. I could FINALLY relax and breathe normally!! haha.

Anyways. S had and STILL has her guy problems like me. But probably, her awkward moment with her guy friend is pretty much over, unlike mine, which has pretty much.. sort of started or in the middle. So yeah. S had class at 3 p.m. so we decided to go to the uni shop (where we buy food - sort of like a mini mart kind of thing - but soo expensive! lol), to buy something to eat before she goes to class and before I go home. We both bought $1 mix, as we don't eat a lot (haha).

So after that, S went to her class, and I walked to the bus stop. As I was walking there, I saw G!! (OMG!) and he was sitting down. I freaked out. Luckily there were a big bunch of other people. also there to wait or the bus. Coz at that time, there is usually a lot of people waiting to catch the bus. So I stood in with the crowd instead of sitting down like I usually do. I was eating my lolly mix, whilst waiting for my 12A bus to come. And when it did finally came. I sort of low key-ly rushed to the bus, so I could get on it (duh). When I sound a seat to sit on, I started to text coz S had texted me, but as I was texting her, from the corner of my eye, I could see that G had came onto my bus and he had walked right past where I was sitting and was looking down at me as he walked past! FREAKY MUCH?! I automatically told (texted) S that. I was totally freaked. i could not turn around or anything -just allowed myself to turn to look outside the window. Finally, when the bus was getting closer to my bus stop (near my house), I happily got off the bus. Was so relieved I was finally out of that bus and all that.. pressure(?)

I mean what the hell was he doing on MY (not literally but you know what I mean) bus?! I mean his 12C bus was like right behind my bus (or in-front, can't remember, but I'm sure it was in-front..) and yet, he didn't take it! And his bus left earlier than my bus, so why the hell would he be taking my bus?! He never takes my bus unless he's with me or whatever. So what the hell was that about!?

BUT! on Thursday, I was late for the bus, I was gonna catch the bus with S but sadly, I missed it. So I had to walk to the Fitzherbet Street bus stop to catch the next one to uni. I texted S that I would be in the computer lab, doing my Written Communication essay. When S had finished her class, she told me that G was outside of the class/lecture room walking around, sort of look like he was waiting for someone - well specifically speaking, he wasn't particularly doing anything there. And S knew that I wouldn't like her talking to him, so she made a detour to the toilets. I mean I knew that he had a class there just then, but he also knew that I would have my Geo class there afterwards.

MAYBE he was waiting for me!? I don't know. But that is freaky. I mean, why would he do that? Coz usually he wouldn't do that. But whatever the reason was, I'm sticking with what I think right now. Coz either way. It's freaky.

I talked to J on Tuesday and he said that (maybe) G is trying to 'teach' me a lesson - a lesson to make ME talk to him FIRST! When I heard that I was like 'PFFT. AS IF!' That was soo unlikely to happen, as I DID NOT want to talk to him or have any contact with him of any kind at the moment. So if he was waiting for that. He can stop wasting his time and 'get over it' -in his words to me (when he told me to get over what (nasty/hurtful words) he had said to me. J also told me that G had gone emo. And that I had REALLY got to him. I was like YUS!! So freaking happy. Coz that's what you get if u hurt somebody and don't apologize or stop saying such things and all those things he did or said to me. He deserved it I'd say! ;D