Broken Friendships..

I'm think about G so much. Not in a obsessed way or anything. Just thinking whether or not, it's the time for me to give up and forgive him for what he has done/texted me, or not. I don't know. I really want to talk to him and pretend that nothing has happened. But the thing is, I don' think I can... I think about, the next time I see him around, I will say 'hi' to him and have a good conversation with him. But no. When that time comes. It just doesn't seem to work. 

I don't want to kill this friendship that we have. I always think about the good times that we had together when we were good friends. All I know for now is that, we can never ever have a (boyfriend/girlfriend) relationship. Even when I think that I do want one with him, I think about the consequences. I don't want to be hurt. It's the same with, whether or not I should talk to him again and be his good friend again or to keep a distance from him, so I don't get hurt by him again. 

Whenever he talks to me (on MSN, Facebook, text or face-to-face), I feel really.. weird. It's just really awkward the atmosphere between us now, I think. I don't want it to be like this. But, whenever he does start talking to me, I feel annoyed. Annoyed that he is talking to me and I feel that I don't want to talk to him. It's bad. I know. But I cannot change my feelings, even if I wanted to.

Do you think that we will be fine later one...? I would like to mend up our friendship. But like this certain quote says: "Broken friendships CAN be fixed, but there will still be cracks." I don't want our friendship to have any cracks in it. Though at the moment I think there is a major one. He thinks that I am still mad at him (which is true, by the way). HE texted me saying that he got a feeling that I was still mad at him coz what he said was extraordinary and disturbing. I told him that I was glad he had actually realized that. He never really replied to that. He just carried on asking whether or not I was mad at him. But I told him that it didn't matter, as it wouldn't change anything...

Did what I do, was right or wrong? I didn't want to sound harsh. But, it's how I feel. I just don't want to tell him. I mean all he is gonna say is 'OK', or something along those lines. He's not gonna do much about it. There IS nothing to do about it. So what's the point of letting him know?

All I can do is, let fate decide for us. Only fate will know whether we will end up being friends or end up being 'people we know'. I don't want our friendship to end. But what he said to me WAS really disturbing and extraordinary. I will NEVER EVER forget those words. Every time that I read that text, I feel so.. deeply hurt all over again. It's like I've been punched in the stomach by him. It's painful. How can I ever forget that? How can ANYONE forget about such thing said to them?

I don't really know what I want him to do, so that I will eventually forgive him. I don't need his apologies coz I know he doesn't think it's his fault, maybe giving me a reason would be good? But maybe even that, won't help me to forgive him so easily... Maybe I just need time to forget it.. Coz time heals the pain or whatever that line is. Wish us luck.