"Curiosity Killed The Cat"

I'm Sorry... But out of the blue, I decided to go into his email account for the very first time. And the first thing I look at is through his inbox of course. I see a lot of emails from me and the rest were just his business.

And yes... I had tried to find his ex-girlfriend's emails in his inbox. But I couldn't go through many many pages of them emails [from other people], so I went to search her name in the "search" box... I typed in her surname. And what do you know? There are quite a few emails from her. The current ones were from 2010. I can't remember what month or date, and I don't intend to. But the emails were all casual emails. Nothing too surprising or shocking.

But then I went into his "drafts", cos once he told me, that was where all his "secrets" are kept or that is the place where he blogs. Once I clicked on that. I saw that there were quite a lot of emails that has got to do with her. And I have learnt that they use to call each other "benben" and "tata" and another one like, "zhazha" or something. I sorry, I poked my nose into his past, and now I am damn curious about what happened.

Oh and I also found out that on the 22 December 2010, he emailed her saying that, since she was gone, he kind of misses her. After reading that, I was damn shocked and felt sad! I mean, I thought we were happy together! Why would he say such thing to his EX-GIRLFRIEND?!?!!? O____o Hmmm... I dunno. I want to ask him about that now. Maybe that time I wasn't a very good girlfriend towards him, so he went back to talking to his ex-girlfriend or something? Or he just really missed her? Hmm..

There were heaps of emails. And now I have also learnt that it was HER that broke it off with him. Now I want to know the reason... And i don't intend on asking him... Apparently they started dating in February 2002, for 6 years. That's a LONG time! I know if I were to ask him about her and his past [of their relationship], he wouldn't tell me. Cos after all, it's not that easy, and I do have that uneasy feeling, even if I wanted to know more.

Now that I know this much... I don't know whether this is considered "snooping around" his stuff or not.. I don't know whether to tell him or not.. And if I don't tell him, I know that on our 1 year anniversary, I promised to let him see my blog, and then, he would definitely see this post, and I don't know how he would react... it could end up as a disaster and we may end things or having the worse anniversary -ever. Or we may be able to talk it out?

If I tell him sometime today, it might not be that bad. Although he might be a tad upset inside, and not show it towards me. But I don't want to keep secrets from him!!! xO Awww! ... I don't know!!!

Should I tell him, or should I not? Cos now I feel uneasy... It feels that I'm lying to him... *Sigh* What should I do....? Tell him... Or don't tell him....?

Maybe I will tell him... At some point... Eek.