Things So Far

So I haven't written here for a very long time. Sorry. I keep forgetting. Well I guess quite a lot has been happening, so I guess maybe this will be one long blog or maybe I will split this blog to two parts. Mmmm..

Hmmm! Where should I start? Umm.. Well. Ok. Let's start with the fact the I'm over K2. Well I thought that I wouldn't get over him coz he's such a 'perfect' guy. Everytime I see him, it's like "Oh. My dream guy. I need someone like him." But then after a while, I just forget about him, and not like all over him. But I will always remember him for taking me home, from alllll the way from Wellington back to Palmy. *Thanks K2!*

Next thing, Hmm.. is probably.. that I have FINALLY got a job. No. make it TWO jobs. At Mcds and Rubi Shoes (and at Cotton on). Yeah. Ilove working at Mcds. It's so fun. And the first day that I worked there (not the training bit), I hadn't got my full uniform yet, so I had to work at the back, not the counter, and this hot maori guy had to train me at the back, cooking patties and nuggets and what not. He's so nice and talkative. I like that. He's so cool. But the I found out that he was actaully TWO years YOUNGER than me! o_o and I was like aww!! That sucks bad! =( Time to find a new target. *Sigh* But then I went back a couple of days later to Mcds for breakfast and he was working there, and man. I don't think I can resist him.. yet. So now i kinda hope that i can work at the front next time so I don't have to drool over a younger guy but then again, I do want to drool over him. Oh. Life sucks. haha.


And with working at Rubi Shoes, well I haven't quite yet started working there. But I have my first shift this Friday, from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. but the thing is, I gotta go back to my parents shop to work. And the last bus back to my parents shop is at 6 p.m. and on a Friday BOTH places (Rubi Shoes & my parents shop) are busy. So I dunno. Hopefully I can get my manager to let me leave at 5 p.m. so I can catch the 5.25 p.m. bus back to my parents place >< *fingers crossed*


And ANOTHER (big) problem is that, next month on the 4th I'm going to HK, and I don't really want to, coz I have pretty much started both of my jobs, and there you, probably, less than a month, and I'm outta here for 2 weeks. I feel so bad and not good.. I'm sure Mcds will be OK with it. It's just Rubi Shoes. I hope they're OK with it. Coz in a way, I'm ready for them to end the contract after it finishes (duh) coz I don't want to work there as a casual. And then again, I want to stay there coz it's been like my dream to work at a retail store. So.... I dunno. Let's just see how it all goes. Maybe my mum will be right about how they will let me stay if they see how I worked hard enough and all. But yeah. I want to see if they let me change it to part-time not a casual job -IF they let me stay and extend my contract that is.

Oh yeah. And so I did well in my exams. But obviously a big fat E for my physical geography. Yup. I knew that was coming (haha). But that's OK. As long as I passed my other papers.


OH! And can't forget about this great news!! Me and my two girls went to watch Twilight saga: NEW MOON yesterday! OMG! it was soooo awesome! Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) was sooooo freakin' hot!!! It's like *DROOL* @___@ I love him soo much. He's like my dream/ideal man. OMGOSH!!! Love him! And yes. He is only 17. *sigh* Once again, younger than me. Oh what a shame (haha).

Hmmm.. Next thing. Errr... I need to go christmas shopping. Oh crap! And I still need to re-enrol for uni and studylink. Oh crud. Maybe I will go shopping tomorrow? Aw! I dunno. Life's so complicated right now (haha). It's so hard buying a gift for a guy. Considering how many guy friends I have ><>

Confused

Hmmm.. I think I MAY have developed some feelings for R... Oh I don't know! ><

He makes me smile all the time and like we can be mean to each other, without neither of us having a nut at each other. I mean, to me, he is the perfect guy for me. BUT! it's the INSIDE that captures me, not the OUTSIDE. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but he's not that good-looking. Not even average, I must say. Everybody who has meet him, has told me that he looks like a nerd. And hey, I don't have anything against them or anything. Just that, sometimes he DOES look a bit clueless/lost and I don't know.. puts me off maybe? But he's l

ike sooo adorable and all from the inside. I love him for that. 

Sometimes, when I think about it, and then see other girls with their oh-so-hot boyfriends, I feel like, 'Oh, why can't I find a good-looking boyfriend like her?' I mean, yeah, that may sound pretty greedy of me, but that's how I feel. And then sometimes I'd think to myself, 'Well, I'm sure that if I love him enough, I wouldn't care about his looks', but you know what? I don't think I can do that, just yet. 

Maybe I am waiting for some good-looking/average guy to knock at my door. But.. Somehow, I think that it would be impossible.. Don't know why I think that. But I do. I really do like R. But, maybe it's coz I can't handle the criticism of 'Why the hell are you going out with a guy like him?' and all that. Or maybe it's really the fact that his appearance REALLy does not capture my heart. I wish he would look average at least. I don't care whether he's got money or not. Average wealth is fine to me. I just want what he's got in the inside, and possibly, a better looking outside... I hope. 

And maybe when that day finally comes, it would be too late. Maybe he would've found someone else who like him for who he is -from the inside and out. Or maybe.. I would've found someone better? But who knows. All I know is that I want someone like him. But a bit better looking on the outside. He's perfect on the inside. But not so perfect on the outside. *sigh* But don't worry. I will still be thinking about this situation. I want to go out with him and become his gf, but.. there are just so many 'buts'. I think I'm thinking like this is all mainly focused on his appearance. Sorry R. You will have to wait longer...

So Bored..

Well, not a lot has been happening lately. Just you know, right now is the start of the exam month/'season'. And I have been preparing for my physical geography exam (which was this morning) for like the last 5 or so days. Man, was it hard work, cramming everything into my head or what? I kept

getting distracted... and seem to always lose concentration. Well, I guess I finally got through. Though last night, I practically 'died'. Felt so wasted, so tired, so sleepy. Got about 3 hours nap. Wasn't that comfy but was an OK sleep. But felt good and recharged afterwards! Yeah, so I woke up at 7.30 a.m. to go take a shower and then spend a couple of minutes studying for my geo exam. Did some last minute studying and yeah, went into the exam room. When it started, sort of did alright in Section A. Sort of OK in Section B and didn't do Section C, as I had no idea on any of those topics. One thing I'm pissed about is, that I screwed up the Carbon cycle! And last night, my brother (DC) was teaching me and telling me about it. *Sigh* What a let down =(

Anyways. So I've only got two more exams to go. The Chinese and the Japanese one. Hope it all goes well!

Hmm.. Well, recently, K asked me this question on Facebook (FB), "When are you going to give me your heart.. hahaha". This question got asked was mainly coz of this FB application. I think it was called the 'Give Hearts' application(?). Yeah, well, I give him those hearts, pretty much everyday. But I also give them to other people too. He said that as well as saying that the heart that I had just given was a 'very nice heart'. So I answered to that 'unusual' question, 'Umm... I don't know.' and then yeah, he asked me again, and I said that I didn't know what he was talking about, and he said that I was a smart girl, and that I should be able to work it out. I told him that I didn't want to get the wrong idea, and so yeah, he won't tell me, but I'm hoping that it's not what I think it is...

I mean, I wouldn't know what to do if you know.. it's actually what I think it is, that he's trying to get 'through' to me. So yeah... I'd like to know, but at the same time, I don't want to know the truth...

Mmm.. I'm feeling so tired and restless here.. I have a sore back at the moment... I have nothing much to do... I want to go see R, but I don't know whether he is up yet or not (even though it's like 2.51 p.m now) and I think maybe he will be studying...? So yeah.. and I don't want to go home yet... Man. I feel so .. miserable(?) and bored over here... *sigh*

Close Buddies

Yep. Once again, I haven't been blogging for quite a while. 

Well anyways, yesterday was R's birthday. So I decided to get him a birthday cake, coz he said he wanted a chocolate cake from New World. But the thing was, I didn't realize that the cake that he wanted was the one on Pioneer Highway not the one on Broadway Ave. Luckily! I went with H after I helped him out with his essay and having lunch with him and his friend. Yeah, so we went to the one on Broadway Ave first, by bus. We went there, and we 

couldn't find the one that he wanted, so we went to Woolworths across the street. We couldn't find any. But I think we bought some nice silver candles from there. So went carried on with out trip, by foot(!), in the rain (it was raining every now and then), very windy too! We walked back to Downtown, as I had needed to go to the bathroom, on the way there, I saw that hot BK manager again!! *yay* ^^ 

So me and H were just walking from A to B. It was pretty far I tell you. I think it took us about 20 minutes to walk all the way t the Pioneer Highway New World. Was sure  a tough journey.. But luckily I had company with me! We made quite a few trips to other shops and places for the candles, decorations for his (R's) cake and also H wanted to go rent out a game. Man, we walked for like 2 - 3 hours, straight up. And man, were we tired or what?! Finally, when we were just outside his place, we had to decorate his cake with some candles we bought on the way, from Pak 'n' Save. They were some "Happy Birthday" candles. Very pretty after we decorated the cake. Of course. We missed out one thing, the lighter, so we could light up the candle. And R said that he doesn't  have one at his place. But we went to his place anyway

s, since we were so tired. When we got there, I said 'happy Birthday' to him. And then we just sat down on his bed and watched this Cantonese drama with him. After that, we just mucked around in his room, K2 said that we will have dinner at 6.30 p.m. and I got hungry so i searched for food in his room (haha) and  I found some panda cookie thing to eat. Was good enough for my stomach. Shut my stomach up for then.

So we went out at about 6.45 p.m. We finally decided that we would go to Aqaba to have dinner. I ordered a Thai Green Curry Chicken, R ordered a Scotch Fillet -he also had dessert (Black Forest Cheesecake) afterwards too, and H ordereed the same Scotch fillet and I'm not really sure what K2 ordered. But it was some sorta fish fillet thing. Was a great atmosphere. We all laughed, talked, joked around and everything. Was certainly a good night. Then about  8 p.m. we went back to his place, me and H had to go to Countdown, to go buy a lighter so we could light up the candles. When we got back, we went into their kitchen place and we lit the candles and all, got cameras out, put the lights on, etc etc. We sang him the "Happy Birthday" song and then R blew out the candles. And then we finally got to eat the chocolate gâteaux (cake). Was yum. K2 thought it was better than (who I think it was - R's ex gf's) cake from some years ago... But R disagreed. I didn't care. Coz for K2 liked it, so I'm all good with that! =)

After eating that one piece of cake, we washed the dishes, we just all crowded around the sink, while me and H were washing the dishes. And then we all went back to R's room. We then decided to go home, so K2 took me and H home at about 9 p.m. 

Hmmm!! I think it was a great day! Though I still can't believe that I had to go through ALL that just for R! (haha), I think that was the FIRST time ever, that I have ever done such thing. But in the end, I knew it was worth it, considering that I would have nothing else to give him on his first birthday celebration with me! ^^ I think altogether i spent about $30 on his birthday ("present"). But it's worth it, coz he's such a good friend! 

Not Bad

Yeah. So long time no blogging. Hmm.. Well here are my thoughts. 

I've decided to give up on K2, seeing as there are absolutely no chance that I will ever get a chance to be his girlfriend. And it's not like he's showing any interests to me.. =( Sad. I know. But that's OK. At least now I don;t have to be hung up on some stupid guy (even though he is still me friend - though we aren't that close). 

Also, I still have R, so it's OK. We can still have fun together. And I know that R doesn't like me (more than a friend), coz he told me that, he talks differently to the girl he likes (apparently that Malaysian girl we saw at IPC. He think she's hot. But I think she looks really.. boring ><>

AND! I met a new friend, H. Though you could say we sorta met via Facebook - R's page (haha). So we got to know each other and talked a lot on Facebook and then got each others numbers and then started talking on MSN. Yeah. Apparently he's seen me around at uni (that's pretty much how we first had our 'convo'). BUt to be honest, I have never seen him around at uni before... @_@ H is a good guy. He's very kind, and a very forgiving person. Though.. Honestly... He's not that great looking. BUT! He's got style. And you know? It doesn't seem to bother me that much, how guys don't look so 'hot'. It's the INSIDE that counts. 

I mean, I thought K2 was hot and all. But do I have a chance with him? No. I don't think so. But for now, I like to think of all of my guy mates, just as friends! xD Makes my life easier. Less things to think about. 

LIKE at First Sight

Well, before I get started about this 'crush' thing of mine. I'll just say a bit about what happened yesterday when I saw J. OK. So I saw him and we just talked and all. BUT! I didn't ask him or talk to him about him 'betraying' me or whatever. I don't know why. Maybe it's because... I believe that he didn't 'betray' me? Hmm... I don't know. I think that I will tell him when he asks about him (G). Like if he says/asks, 'How's G?' then I'd probably be like, 'We're not friends anymore. Didn't you know? I thought you guys were good friends and he tells you everything.....!' Hmm... yeah. Probably something like that huh? 

ANYWAYS! Back to my.. "happy" story. Well, it goes like this. Last Tuesday, R introduced me to his good friend, K2. Well, actually, I was just hanging out with R, and then he told me that he was actually planning on having dinner with his friend and said that I could join them. So I did, since I didn't want to go home yet and R said that K2 could take me home. When K2 walked into R's room, I was like to myself,' WHOAAAA! Hottie....!' But you know, I wasn't like, all heads over heels for him or anything. Just thought. 'Oh. he's good looking.' That's it. Yeah, so we went to this Italian restaurant up at Summerhill Il Capo pasta & Pizzeria @ 7 p.m. or something like that. We ordered two pizzas and one pasta. They were pretty tasty pizzas and pasta. Though it was like $12 for a small pizza. It was quite filling. But pretty small too. After that, we just sat there and had a little chat, K2 ate most of the pizzas and pasta, coz I was too full and didn't want my big stomach to show (haha) and R was sick so he couldn't eat much.

We left at like 8 p.m. and K2 drove me home. I really think that K2 is like the BEST looking guy I've ever seen so far. Well, not in a while anyways. I mean, he's single, from Hong Kong, only 23, good looking, most likely a rich guy, have good style and such a gentleman. I must say he is someone that I'd like to go out with. He's a potential boyfriend for me. But I thing that I would have no chance, I mean, he's such a good looking guy so why would he go for someone like me? I don't think he's "desperate" for a girlfriend and would have any problems in finding a potential girlfriend. He's so good looking and such a nice guy. How hard would it be for him to find a girl? 

*Sigh* When I find the right guy, he's just too good for me. When there are plenty of guys around me, none of them are right for me... Life is hard, huh? And the thing is, K2 thinks that me and R are going out!! OMG. That's just even more tragic. Coz that'll mean that, he won't go for me, coz he thinks that his friend is going out with me!! OMG!! That's so not good!! I wonder how I can get to him... I'm not desperate. But you know. I do want him to be my boyfriend. Since he is the kind of guy I want. In a way, you could say that he is the "perfect" guy for me... xD So we'll see how things go, huh? Wish me luck!! ><

No longer Friends

Yeah. So I haven't been blogging since.. last week I think. Not a lot has been happening. But, I'll sum up on 

what has been happening so far plus what I will really talk about regarding that title up there.. haha. Well. On Saturday 19th, it was the Sakura Festival at IPC (International Pacific College) and me and my friends R a

nd (New friend. Introduced to me last Tuesday by R) K2 (Yes. Another K lol) went to the festival together @ 12.30 p.m. K2 drove us up there. We just walked around a bit. Trying to find some (good) food to eat and yeah, just looking around really. And meet a lot of my friends there. And so did K2. And oh my gosh! K2 thinks that me and R are going out! WHAT THE HELL?! No way! >O<; K2 is pretty good looking (and single) I might just add ;) 

Anyways!! So, what I wanted to blog about today is that, yesterday was G's birthday, and I decided I should play my part, and say 'happy birthday' to him. I wanted to say it via Facebook. But I found out that he had actually deleted me off Facebook. I don't know when exactly. But I'm thinking it was about a couple of weeks or so ago. So i decided to text him 'happy birthday'. I texted to him 'Thanks for deleting me off Facebook. I'd just like to say. Happy birthday. Hope you had a good one. oh. and have a nice life. bye.' (Haha I purposely put 'have a nice life there haha). And then he replied with a NASTY AS response (lol). He said 'Bitch f*** off. Jerey told me everything about you. I don't want you near me. Delete my number. I don't wanna hear anything from you. Stay the f*** outta here. You have lost all my respect. I'm having a good life without you in my business. So once again f*** off arse whole and I mean it.' 

Man that made me laugh. I mean, for a start, he spelt his 'good' friend, J, WRONG!

 And he tried to spell "asshole" but he spelt it with a "W"!! I mean what the hell? If you want to swear, at least spell it right. Secondly, he says, 'you have lost all my respect.' Well for his information, he has never fully respected me. So what the hell is he trying to say? Oh yeah. That's right. He's once again, the person that's right. Was doing the 'right' thing all along and also the "victim". Yeahhhhh right. He never considers other people's feelings. Everything HAS to be about HIM. It's like the world revolves around HIM ONLY. So selfish. But whatever. I don't give a damn about that freak no more anyways. I played my role. I never said anything as nasty to him as he had to me. And don't worry. I won't say anything to him, in order to defend myself. I will refrain myself from saying nasty things about him or to him. I have put up with him for so long. And yet. He treats me like shit and thinks that HE was the one getting treated like shit and is right about everything. He is soo inconsiderate. I hate people like him. Either way, I don't care about him anymore. We will go our own separate ways. I don't care what he does or says. And I, myself, is definitely having a good, relaxing life without him as well. No one to cling onto me, no one to have stupid arguments with and most importantly, no one to hurt me over and over again with their hurtful words. I will never miss anything about him. NEVER. Will NOT think about the good times we had. Will NOT think about how he hurt me. But now. All I know is that, NEVER be friends with black people. They are all such complicating people. I'm sorry to judge all black people on just one person. But, if you think about it, it's true... 

On the other hand, I'd like to know why, my best guy friend, J, told G everything! And yet, he was the one that told me that, 'everything that we talk about (G) is just between us'. HUH?! What happened to that?! I trusted him, that's why I THOUGHT I could tell him how i felt about G and there he  goes telling G!! WHAT THE HELL!??!!? He betrayed me!! I don't know whether that is true or not. But I cannot trust anyone, anymore. I won't tell J anything, regarding my feelings for anyone! I can't trust him with that. But I still plan to confront to him about this issue. We'll see what happens when I see J tomorrow,

Stalking Me?

Well.. I haven't been blogging for ages it seems.. Well that's mainly because I have nothing much to say.

Recently, my life has been average. No real big dramas like I had before the second semester break. Which is good I rekon. But the thing is, this has only been the first week after my semester break finished and I think G has sort of been stalking me? I wouldn't know if you would call it 'stalking'. But he HAS been sort of following me. Not constantly. But just.. Occasionally I guess.

I mean on that Monday back, I had finished for the day @ 1 p.m. and went to the computer lab, I saw him in the computer lab at uni, and I didn't want to say hi, mainly because I did not want to make conversation with him, it's just really awkward (for me) anyways. So i pretended I didn't see him. But I know that he did see me, as I was sort of sitting like in front of him. I didn't want to turn around or look around the room, coz I didn't even want to say hi or smile at him. it's just hard for me to such stuff at the moment. My gf S came in the lab, sometime around 2 p.m. and even then, it was hard for me to turn around at look at her. luckily she sat on my left side. Or it will be soo obvious that I could see him, if I turned around to talk to S. He eventually left the room at about 2.30 p.m. or something like that. I was relieved. I could FINALLY relax and breathe normally!! haha.

Anyways. S had and STILL has her guy problems like me. But probably, her awkward moment with her guy friend is pretty much over, unlike mine, which has pretty much.. sort of started or in the middle. So yeah. S had class at 3 p.m. so we decided to go to the uni shop (where we buy food - sort of like a mini mart kind of thing - but soo expensive! lol), to buy something to eat before she goes to class and before I go home. We both bought $1 mix, as we don't eat a lot (haha).

So after that, S went to her class, and I walked to the bus stop. As I was walking there, I saw G!! (OMG!) and he was sitting down. I freaked out. Luckily there were a big bunch of other people. also there to wait or the bus. Coz at that time, there is usually a lot of people waiting to catch the bus. So I stood in with the crowd instead of sitting down like I usually do. I was eating my lolly mix, whilst waiting for my 12A bus to come. And when it did finally came. I sort of low key-ly rushed to the bus, so I could get on it (duh). When I sound a seat to sit on, I started to text coz S had texted me, but as I was texting her, from the corner of my eye, I could see that G had came onto my bus and he had walked right past where I was sitting and was looking down at me as he walked past! FREAKY MUCH?! I automatically told (texted) S that. I was totally freaked. i could not turn around or anything -just allowed myself to turn to look outside the window. Finally, when the bus was getting closer to my bus stop (near my house), I happily got off the bus. Was so relieved I was finally out of that bus and all that.. pressure(?)

I mean what the hell was he doing on MY (not literally but you know what I mean) bus?! I mean his 12C bus was like right behind my bus (or in-front, can't remember, but I'm sure it was in-front..) and yet, he didn't take it! And his bus left earlier than my bus, so why the hell would he be taking my bus?! He never takes my bus unless he's with me or whatever. So what the hell was that about!?

BUT! on Thursday, I was late for the bus, I was gonna catch the bus with S but sadly, I missed it. So I had to walk to the Fitzherbet Street bus stop to catch the next one to uni. I texted S that I would be in the computer lab, doing my Written Communication essay. When S had finished her class, she told me that G was outside of the class/lecture room walking around, sort of look like he was waiting for someone - well specifically speaking, he wasn't particularly doing anything there. And S knew that I wouldn't like her talking to him, so she made a detour to the toilets. I mean I knew that he had a class there just then, but he also knew that I would have my Geo class there afterwards.

MAYBE he was waiting for me!? I don't know. But that is freaky. I mean, why would he do that? Coz usually he wouldn't do that. But whatever the reason was, I'm sticking with what I think right now. Coz either way. It's freaky.

I talked to J on Tuesday and he said that (maybe) G is trying to 'teach' me a lesson - a lesson to make ME talk to him FIRST! When I heard that I was like 'PFFT. AS IF!' That was soo unlikely to happen, as I DID NOT want to talk to him or have any contact with him of any kind at the moment. So if he was waiting for that. He can stop wasting his time and 'get over it' -in his words to me (when he told me to get over what (nasty/hurtful words) he had said to me. J also told me that G had gone emo. And that I had REALLY got to him. I was like YUS!! So freaking happy. Coz that's what you get if u hurt somebody and don't apologize or stop saying such things and all those things he did or said to me. He deserved it I'd say! ;D

No one Understands...

On Tuesday, I decided to tell J what happened - mainly coz he kept asking me. And I had ask him the night before (Monday), on MSN, whether I was a two-faced person or not. He automatically replied that everyone was. I told him that was not the answer I wanted. I explained to him what I meant. He then told me. You could say, most of it was the stuff sort of similar to the things that G had told me. My two-faced-ness was mainly directed/related to guys. It wasn't very nice to hear. But I had told J to be honest with me, seeing as he is my closest guy friend. But in a way, I didn't think he understood how I felt...

So on Tuesday, after our class together, he asked me about G. It took me a while to tell him, but I eventually did. We both agreed and knew what type of person G was. We had a good talk about him. Though it wasn't a very long talk and we didn't exactly get to finish, it was till worthwhile, seeing as I wagged my other class to talk to J about this. We both knew that he was VERY desperate for a girlfriend. And would try anything to get one. But the thing was, he likes asians girls. Not that it's a bad thing. It's just that he's a black guy.. and mainly.. he has anger issues. Any chick would run away from him sooner or later (no offense or anything to him). But it's the truth.

He's even lied to two asian girls (whom I know), telling them that, they were the first asian girl that he has liked. Which we all know, is a big, fat LIE. That's how desperate he can get. G turned up at about 4.30 p.m. and so me and J couldn't talk about him no more. It was sort of weird, the atmosphere. For me, it was more like awkward and I-don't-want-to-talk-to-you atmosphere (for me). But anyways, he and J talked and I just sat there. I didn't want to talk to him really. 

- Different story -

Last Saturday, G and I were texting at night. He told me that he had 'lost someone that I loved and it hurt a lot. There are times where I lay in bed and cried.' I sort of felt sorry for him, but I wasn't so sure about the crying part.. But anyways, I asked him who it was and it took him about 5 minutes to tell me, that it was ME!! OMG! (Well, actually, I knew that was coming, but I never knew that he LOVED me. What the hell?!). After all his explanations and I had already told him that I'm still recovering from all those things that he had said to me. He said, 'I'm guessing you still mad at me. Q let it go. It happened and there is nothing you can do 

to change the past. Why don't you move on? In a good way that is.' I mean, what the hell was he thinking?! Telling me to move on. Coz it ain't HIM that has been hurt. Coz it ain't HIM that has to think about those nasty words everyday! Coz HE'S the one that said those hurtful words and NEVER regretted it!!

Gosh. I don't know how he can do that!! I'm so pissed at him right now. I don't want to talk to him on MSN and text I have decided. Coz even J agrees with me that, when G texts, there are no emotions in them and so it's harder for me to know whether he is joking, serious or angry or whatever. 

Hurtful Words All Over Again.

He's done it again... He's said more of those hurtful words to me... 

We were talking on MSN yesterday afternoon. He then asked me, if he had ever lied to me about anything. I told him that I didn't know on the spot. I told him to give me some time to think about it. He stupidly responded with '5 minutes?' '10 minutes?' I was like thinking to myself, 'What the hell!? Just leave me alone and stop asking me stupid questions!' But instead, I told him that I needed more than that. He then told me I was annoying, so I said 'Fine. I'll shut up then.' He then said, "Your annoying when u shut up as well." And that totally got me going (crazy). I asked him what he wanted me to do then. He said to let him punch me. I automatically responded with "EFF NO I WILL." He then goes, 'you will?' I mean of course I wouldn't! In his dreams he could. 

He decided later on that I was a two-faced person. Especially to guys. I asked him why. He said, "when u meet new people listen to yourself. And then you will know. Yeah u don't. But u make people think that way. hint two-faced." I asked him, "So your saying I'm two-faced?" He then gave me the most hurtful sentence/explanation to me, "I said that ages ago. You may fool some people, but not all of them. Just coz u got hurt by Jh doesn't mean u do the same to others. Maybe Jh cheated on u for good reason. Maybe he realized your two-faced act. Maybe not. But whatever it is Q, u change once u know the inside of a guy." To me, that was the most hurtful thing that he has ever said to me, I didn't mind (a lot) that he called me a two-face, but putting Jh into the conversation was absolutely uncalled for! It totally struck me on my most sensitive nerve/spot. I was extremely upset and angry at him that moment. And I guess I still am. 

I mean, he's saying that it's MY fault that Jh cheated on me?! That NOTHING was Jh's fault!? Well, sorry. But I think you don't know the full story (about me and Jh) to talk about me (and him) like that. G pisses me off just like that. He talked to me today. Buh I much rather him not to. Coz I just want to be alone - without him around! I don't  want to see him, talk to him or whatever else there is that has to do with him! 

That day, I really wanted to tell J about this, but I couldn't. Coz he would ask me all sorts of questions and I wouldn't be in the mood of telling him. I was on the bus.. trying so hard to hold back all my tears - angry and upset tears. G always does this - with or without realizing it. But the thing is, he never seems to regret what he has ever said to me. He said he was terribly sorry. But really? I wouldn't know. Only he would. He told me last Thursday night (via text), that he is not 'physical unless I get in a fight, which I don't start. Or someone comment about my mama, then I fight. But I am really sorry Q, we have all done something that we are not proud of. And for me, one of it was offending you. I'm terribly sorry. When I'm angry I want a hug from that person....' I decided to ignore the fact that he had said sorry. 

Then, a couple of days later, we were texting at night, we got into the conversation,

 something about him and finding girlfriends and what not. He told me that "It's been like this for 4 years aye. All the girls that I like run away when they find out my anger issues. It f***s me off man. I even lost you. Lol.' When he said that, I automatically said to him, then why don't you NOT be angry? But I don't think he answered that question. And anyways, I don't get how he lost me, when I'm still his friend and still talk to him and stuff. He's just ... stupid... ><

Yumcha

Went to Yumcha at Tasty Restaurant today at 12.30 p.m. with K today. He surprised me , He came back to PN a couple of days ago and I didn't know about it and I didn't believe it when he told me he was here in PN haha. Anyways. I met another one of his friend. His name was R. R introduced himself as R, and then K comes along and goes, have you guys introduce yourselves yet? He's J. And I was totally shocked. Coz at R told me his name was R and then K tells me it's J! But then R cleared things up, saying that he's got two english names. But many people call him R. So that was a relief. I thought he was lying haha.

Anyways, it was great meeting R. C and Iv was also there. We spent like 2 hours there, just chatting away and laughing. Though I didn't say much, it was still fun to just be around them. About 2.30 p.m. we all decided to leave - we were like the second to last people left in the restaurant. We had a little chat when we were at the car park. Then we decided to go bowling at Bowlarama. But first of all, K (and I) took R home first, coz he said he had assignments to do.

When we got there, it was just us four. It was fun. Though I was losing... During the game, K said that if he won, then I'd had to shout him drinks. I said OK. In the end. I won him by one point (YAY). We had a second game and in the end, me and K tied in the game. It was a fun game. Afterwards, we all decided to go home, since it was 4 p.m. So K took me home and yeah. That was the end of my (fun) day!

Patching Things Up

I texted G this morning to tell him that I would (finally) return his hooded jacket back to him. The conversation went like this: 

Q: Hey. You have free from 10 a.m.  - 11 a.m. aye

G: If u mean time. Yeah. I am free from 10 - 11. who is this

Q: Sweet. I'll give you back your jacket then. And once again. Thanks for deleting my number.

G: Oh you again. Well you don't talk to me. And you mad at me so I don't see a point in keeping your number.

Q: Oh. "Again." I'm sorry then. I do talk to you. And plus. Even if I am mad at you, you didn't have to delete my number. Do u see me deleting your number when you were mad at me??!

G: No. Q. I didn't say it that way. Plus, Q you don't know how terrible I feel. It's not that I don't wanna talk to you or hate you or anything. Every time I see your number I wanna talk to you. And stuff. And I know if I do that. You won't be interested in being friends again. So I thought it would help if I deleted it. Nothing negative.

Q: Every time you talk to me on MSN and stuff, I always reply. So why would I not text back if u texted me? I never said I didn't want to be friends with you anymore. You know how i hate losing a friend.

G: Yeah and when I ask you if you are still mat at me. You say it doesn't matter. And to me that means that nothing will change between us. And I don't want it to be like that.

Q: Yes. Coz it really doesn't. If I was mad at you, what will you do? If I wasn't mad at you, what will u do?

G: If you were mad I would stop talking to you. And if you weren't I would be friendly. That's what I had planned anyway.

Q: Oh. So if I was mad at you, you wouldn't talk to to me? How is that gonna make our friendship any better?

G: It's not. If your mad at me. Then why bother. But if your not. It's worth a try.

Q: Well if you bothered. It could at least still help the friendship somehow. If u don't. Obviously it's all gonna go down the drain, isn't it?

G: Yea. Well do you wanna still be mates

Q: Yes I do. Do you?

G: I do.

So yeah. That's how the conversation went. I told him that I'll meet up with him to give him back his jacket anyways, seeing as I have already bought it along with me and have finally remembered to. He told me: 'Nah actually. Keep it at your place. If it wasn't  for my jacket. It's actually a hoodie. We wouldn't be talking.'

But in the end, I gave it back to him. Coz i didn't want to carry it around in my bag. It's pretty big actually. Takes up a lot of room in my bag. So yeah. I guess now we are on good terms. But this certainly does not mean that I have forgiven him (yet) for what he has said to me. He said that he 'feels terrible' but he never said a thing about him being sorry or being regretful for what he had said to me. 

I don't know if I will point that out to him, but.. for now. I think I will just pretend that nothing is happening, now that we are starting to patch up our friendship again. Maybe, I will tell him later, when I have finally decided that I am going to forgive him. But surely. I will never forget it. 

Broken Friendships..

I'm think about G so much. Not in a obsessed way or anything. Just thinking whether or not, it's the time for me to give up and forgive him for what he has done/texted me, or not. I don't know. I really want to talk to him and pretend that nothing has happened. But the thing is, I don' think I can... I think about, the next time I see him around, I will say 'hi' to him and have a good conversation with him. But no. When that time comes. It just doesn't seem to work. 

I don't want to kill this friendship that we have. I always think about the good times that we had together when we were good friends. All I know for now is that, we can never ever have a (boyfriend/girlfriend) relationship. Even when I think that I do want one with him, I think about the consequences. I don't want to be hurt. It's the same with, whether or not I should talk to him again and be his good friend again or to keep a distance from him, so I don't get hurt by him again. 

Whenever he talks to me (on MSN, Facebook, text or face-to-face), I feel really.. weird. It's just really awkward the atmosphere between us now, I think. I don't want it to be like this. But, whenever he does start talking to me, I feel annoyed. Annoyed that he is talking to me and I feel that I don't want to talk to him. It's bad. I know. But I cannot change my feelings, even if I wanted to.

Do you think that we will be fine later one...? I would like to mend up our friendship. But like this certain quote says: "Broken friendships CAN be fixed, but there will still be cracks." I don't want our friendship to have any cracks in it. Though at the moment I think there is a major one. He thinks that I am still mad at him (which is true, by the way). HE texted me saying that he got a feeling that I was still mad at him coz what he said was extraordinary and disturbing. I told him that I was glad he had actually realized that. He never really replied to that. He just carried on asking whether or not I was mad at him. But I told him that it didn't matter, as it wouldn't change anything...

Did what I do, was right or wrong? I didn't want to sound harsh. But, it's how I feel. I just don't want to tell him. I mean all he is gonna say is 'OK', or something along those lines. He's not gonna do much about it. There IS nothing to do about it. So what's the point of letting him know?

All I can do is, let fate decide for us. Only fate will know whether we will end up being friends or end up being 'people we know'. I don't want our friendship to end. But what he said to me WAS really disturbing and extraordinary. I will NEVER EVER forget those words. Every time that I read that text, I feel so.. deeply hurt all over again. It's like I've been punched in the stomach by him. It's painful. How can I ever forget that? How can ANYONE forget about such thing said to them?

I don't really know what I want him to do, so that I will eventually forgive him. I don't need his apologies coz I know he doesn't think it's his fault, maybe giving me a reason would be good? But maybe even that, won't help me to forgive him so easily... Maybe I just need time to forget it.. Coz time heals the pain or whatever that line is. Wish us luck.

Saturday Night

It was K's last night in PN yesterday. So me and him went out for a drink at night, at about 11.30 p.m. We sort of went for a cruise around the city and up to IPC and all, the first 20 minutes or so. Then we FINALLY decided to go to Mao Bar and have some dessert, seeing as he said that he was hungry and didn't want to go eat at McDonalds. We ordered a cheesecake to share and I had coke and he had something like Jack Daniel's with coke. He told me to try it. I did. And it was yucky and bitter... it tasted like Chinese medicine.. haha. 

We went upstairs (of Mao Bar) to have a good chat. It was the first time that we actually talked one-on-one and sort of opening up to each other about or lives (background?). He told me about hi ex-girlfriend and how he meet one of our friend (the one that I met him through). And I told him about me and Jh. We then talked more about relationships, like how to approach girls (or guys), we also talked about ... our life and everything. 

About 12.55 a.m. we decided to go home, coz it seemed like Mao Bar was about to close and we were the only ones left in the shop. He took me home as usual. When we got to my house, we said our goodbyes and then he said he'll give me a hug before we go. It was the first time that we hugged. We then said our good nights' and said that we'll see each other again the next time he comes back to PN. 

It wasn't a very eventful night. But I still enjoyed it even though we didn't hang out for long that night. He's really is a great guy. Even though he's not the greatest looking guy around, but still. It doesn't matter. He's a nice guy and everything. Glad to have met him =)

Malbas

Last night, was the first time I went 'clubbing'. I mean it wasn't really clubbing. More like just going into Malbas and drinking. I went with K and H at about 10.45 p.m. after we had our ice cream at Chokolat (I think that's how u spell it).

It was a good night. The weather was good. Didn't look like it was gonna rain or anything. Just cold. But hey! What do you expect?! It's winter! Anyways. We went to Malbas and we got our I.D.'s checked and got a 'Malbas' stamp on our hands. K bought me and H drinks. I had two raspberry vodka cruiser. Was nice. They both had Woodstock.

The atmosphere was great. Not a lot of people were there at first. But obviously a lot of people eventually came in. So it was the first time I've been to Malbas and G has been telling me that it's vert fun there, that's why I suggested to K and H that we should go there, since we had nothing better to do. 

I found out that it wasn't actually THAT exciting. I mean, it was just average. I observed a lot of things. I noticed that a lot of white girls dress up very... er... slutty...? But I guess if they wore a lot of clothes, it would get pretty hot inside and I'm sure they don't want to carry stuff around. Also, I've noticed that some guys push their mates to random(?) girls, and then the girl turns around and start talking to them - intimately, as the music is VERY loud. I also saw the girl getting close to that guy, and then she kissed him on the neck. WOW. That really shocked me! I don't know whether they actually know each other, but I thought it was pretty... extreme(?)

But yeah! Overall it wasn't too bad. K thought I had some personal problems as I was just drinking and drinking. To be honest. I did. It was obviously coz of the 'Me and G' situation. I told him. But the music was loud as, so maybe he couldn't hear ALL of it (even though he was sitting next to me). He may have heard just 98% of it? Even H couldn't hear me (he was sitting diagonally from me). But oh well. I'm just happy that he listened. Or at least tried to get it out of me. He IS the first person that I've told. I mean I haven't even told my best buddy J. 

Anyways! We finally left at like 12 a.m. K took me home as usual. But then he stopped at the Briscoes car park, so that he could teach me to drive (turning and parking) as I really sucked at it. I tell you. It wasn't very successful. I gave up eventually. (That was my 4th driving lesson!). 

Well. We eventually got to my house and we said our goodbyes and good nights.

Overall, it was a good night. You could say it was a good 'clubbing' experience. It's not something that I'd want to do every weekend and I seriously don't think that it's so much fun, even though you are with your friends.

gOod niGht out

On Tuesday, I went out for lunch with K, T & C. It's been about a month or two since we've all hung out. K just came down to PN from Auckland on Monday night. 

We had planned to meet up for lunch on Tuesday, but I had no texts so I couldn't text him. I had missed the bus as I had class that day. I finally got into town at about 12 p.m. I went to get out $20 in the ATM so I could go and buy a top up card. On the way to buying one, I coincidentally bumped into them (not literally). So we ended up going to Thai House Express to have lunch. (It must be fate to meet them in town with no text hahaha). 

Anyways! We were just casually talking and all. Just catching up with each other. We then decided that we would go watch a movie that night. So after eating, we all went to university together coz I had class at 2 p.m. K drove me there. They went to the computer lab while I went to my lecture. After my lecture was finished, I went texted K and he told me to go to the computer labs. We all hung out in the labs for a while, just going on the internet and all. We decided that we were going to watch Drag Me to Hell at 8 p.m. It's a horror movie. So at about 6 p.m. we decided to go to McDonalds to have dinner. T insisted on treating me, so he paid for my dinner. I thanked him for that. 

At about 7 p.m. we all went to Mao Bar to have a couple of drinks. T once again, treated me. It costed $13 for a drink. I decided to have 'Sex on the Beach'. It was a nice drink. Had a bit of fruity taste  in it. It took me a while to finish it though. We just kept talking until about 7.45 p.m. when we had to leave so we could go to the movies. Me and K got to the movies first, C was waiting for T to arrive. So me and K went to buy our tickets. K said that he'll pay for my ticket, I felt a little bit bad, so I asked if he wanted any popcorn or drink. He said he wanted a medium coke, so I bought him one. It made me feel better even though it wasn't as expensive as the tickets.

The movie was pretty scary! For the very first time in my life of watching horror or scary movies, I screamed! And I never scream. I just jump. haha. After the movie, we had a little chat outside just before we were going to go home. K took me home. Then, just before I was home. He asked if I wanted to drive his car. I was like oh my gosh! You serious?! Coz his car is soo cool. And I don't want to destroy it. He said that he trusted me. So we swapped seats and I started to drive his cool car!! It was a bit scary, but it was great! But obviously, I sill hadn't learnt how to turn properly. I just only knew how to drive straight and turn a little bit. 

It was a great night I had. It was the first time that I had ever spent a WHOLE day with them! It was pretty fun! i enjoyed it. K then texted me some minutes later he texted me saying that '..Tonight was a good night. Thank you. I didn't have a night like tonight for a long time.'  This made me smile. I told him that I had a good night also. After a while we said our good nights and the next day, we were going to see each other again. 

AH! What a good night it was! =)