LIKE at First Sight

Well, before I get started about this 'crush' thing of mine. I'll just say a bit about what happened yesterday when I saw J. OK. So I saw him and we just talked and all. BUT! I didn't ask him or talk to him about him 'betraying' me or whatever. I don't know why. Maybe it's because... I believe that he didn't 'betray' me? Hmm... I don't know. I think that I will tell him when he asks about him (G). Like if he says/asks, 'How's G?' then I'd probably be like, 'We're not friends anymore. Didn't you know? I thought you guys were good friends and he tells you everything.....!' Hmm... yeah. Probably something like that huh? 

ANYWAYS! Back to my.. "happy" story. Well, it goes like this. Last Tuesday, R introduced me to his good friend, K2. Well, actually, I was just hanging out with R, and then he told me that he was actually planning on having dinner with his friend and said that I could join them. So I did, since I didn't want to go home yet and R said that K2 could take me home. When K2 walked into R's room, I was like to myself,' WHOAAAA! Hottie....!' But you know, I wasn't like, all heads over heels for him or anything. Just thought. 'Oh. he's good looking.' That's it. Yeah, so we went to this Italian restaurant up at Summerhill Il Capo pasta & Pizzeria @ 7 p.m. or something like that. We ordered two pizzas and one pasta. They were pretty tasty pizzas and pasta. Though it was like $12 for a small pizza. It was quite filling. But pretty small too. After that, we just sat there and had a little chat, K2 ate most of the pizzas and pasta, coz I was too full and didn't want my big stomach to show (haha) and R was sick so he couldn't eat much.

We left at like 8 p.m. and K2 drove me home. I really think that K2 is like the BEST looking guy I've ever seen so far. Well, not in a while anyways. I mean, he's single, from Hong Kong, only 23, good looking, most likely a rich guy, have good style and such a gentleman. I must say he is someone that I'd like to go out with. He's a potential boyfriend for me. But I thing that I would have no chance, I mean, he's such a good looking guy so why would he go for someone like me? I don't think he's "desperate" for a girlfriend and would have any problems in finding a potential girlfriend. He's so good looking and such a nice guy. How hard would it be for him to find a girl? 

*Sigh* When I find the right guy, he's just too good for me. When there are plenty of guys around me, none of them are right for me... Life is hard, huh? And the thing is, K2 thinks that me and R are going out!! OMG. That's just even more tragic. Coz that'll mean that, he won't go for me, coz he thinks that his friend is going out with me!! OMG!! That's so not good!! I wonder how I can get to him... I'm not desperate. But you know. I do want him to be my boyfriend. Since he is the kind of guy I want. In a way, you could say that he is the "perfect" guy for me... xD So we'll see how things go, huh? Wish me luck!! ><

No longer Friends

Yeah. So I haven't been blogging since.. last week I think. Not a lot has been happening. But, I'll sum up on 

what has been happening so far plus what I will really talk about regarding that title up there.. haha. Well. On Saturday 19th, it was the Sakura Festival at IPC (International Pacific College) and me and my friends R a

nd (New friend. Introduced to me last Tuesday by R) K2 (Yes. Another K lol) went to the festival together @ 12.30 p.m. K2 drove us up there. We just walked around a bit. Trying to find some (good) food to eat and yeah, just looking around really. And meet a lot of my friends there. And so did K2. And oh my gosh! K2 thinks that me and R are going out! WHAT THE HELL?! No way! >O<; K2 is pretty good looking (and single) I might just add ;) 

Anyways!! So, what I wanted to blog about today is that, yesterday was G's birthday, and I decided I should play my part, and say 'happy birthday' to him. I wanted to say it via Facebook. But I found out that he had actually deleted me off Facebook. I don't know when exactly. But I'm thinking it was about a couple of weeks or so ago. So i decided to text him 'happy birthday'. I texted to him 'Thanks for deleting me off Facebook. I'd just like to say. Happy birthday. Hope you had a good one. oh. and have a nice life. bye.' (Haha I purposely put 'have a nice life there haha). And then he replied with a NASTY AS response (lol). He said 'Bitch f*** off. Jerey told me everything about you. I don't want you near me. Delete my number. I don't wanna hear anything from you. Stay the f*** outta here. You have lost all my respect. I'm having a good life without you in my business. So once again f*** off arse whole and I mean it.' 

Man that made me laugh. I mean, for a start, he spelt his 'good' friend, J, WRONG!

 And he tried to spell "asshole" but he spelt it with a "W"!! I mean what the hell? If you want to swear, at least spell it right. Secondly, he says, 'you have lost all my respect.' Well for his information, he has never fully respected me. So what the hell is he trying to say? Oh yeah. That's right. He's once again, the person that's right. Was doing the 'right' thing all along and also the "victim". Yeahhhhh right. He never considers other people's feelings. Everything HAS to be about HIM. It's like the world revolves around HIM ONLY. So selfish. But whatever. I don't give a damn about that freak no more anyways. I played my role. I never said anything as nasty to him as he had to me. And don't worry. I won't say anything to him, in order to defend myself. I will refrain myself from saying nasty things about him or to him. I have put up with him for so long. And yet. He treats me like shit and thinks that HE was the one getting treated like shit and is right about everything. He is soo inconsiderate. I hate people like him. Either way, I don't care about him anymore. We will go our own separate ways. I don't care what he does or says. And I, myself, is definitely having a good, relaxing life without him as well. No one to cling onto me, no one to have stupid arguments with and most importantly, no one to hurt me over and over again with their hurtful words. I will never miss anything about him. NEVER. Will NOT think about the good times we had. Will NOT think about how he hurt me. But now. All I know is that, NEVER be friends with black people. They are all such complicating people. I'm sorry to judge all black people on just one person. But, if you think about it, it's true... 

On the other hand, I'd like to know why, my best guy friend, J, told G everything! And yet, he was the one that told me that, 'everything that we talk about (G) is just between us'. HUH?! What happened to that?! I trusted him, that's why I THOUGHT I could tell him how i felt about G and there he  goes telling G!! WHAT THE HELL!??!!? He betrayed me!! I don't know whether that is true or not. But I cannot trust anyone, anymore. I won't tell J anything, regarding my feelings for anyone! I can't trust him with that. But I still plan to confront to him about this issue. We'll see what happens when I see J tomorrow,

Stalking Me?

Well.. I haven't been blogging for ages it seems.. Well that's mainly because I have nothing much to say.

Recently, my life has been average. No real big dramas like I had before the second semester break. Which is good I rekon. But the thing is, this has only been the first week after my semester break finished and I think G has sort of been stalking me? I wouldn't know if you would call it 'stalking'. But he HAS been sort of following me. Not constantly. But just.. Occasionally I guess.

I mean on that Monday back, I had finished for the day @ 1 p.m. and went to the computer lab, I saw him in the computer lab at uni, and I didn't want to say hi, mainly because I did not want to make conversation with him, it's just really awkward (for me) anyways. So i pretended I didn't see him. But I know that he did see me, as I was sort of sitting like in front of him. I didn't want to turn around or look around the room, coz I didn't even want to say hi or smile at him. it's just hard for me to such stuff at the moment. My gf S came in the lab, sometime around 2 p.m. and even then, it was hard for me to turn around at look at her. luckily she sat on my left side. Or it will be soo obvious that I could see him, if I turned around to talk to S. He eventually left the room at about 2.30 p.m. or something like that. I was relieved. I could FINALLY relax and breathe normally!! haha.

Anyways. S had and STILL has her guy problems like me. But probably, her awkward moment with her guy friend is pretty much over, unlike mine, which has pretty much.. sort of started or in the middle. So yeah. S had class at 3 p.m. so we decided to go to the uni shop (where we buy food - sort of like a mini mart kind of thing - but soo expensive! lol), to buy something to eat before she goes to class and before I go home. We both bought $1 mix, as we don't eat a lot (haha).

So after that, S went to her class, and I walked to the bus stop. As I was walking there, I saw G!! (OMG!) and he was sitting down. I freaked out. Luckily there were a big bunch of other people. also there to wait or the bus. Coz at that time, there is usually a lot of people waiting to catch the bus. So I stood in with the crowd instead of sitting down like I usually do. I was eating my lolly mix, whilst waiting for my 12A bus to come. And when it did finally came. I sort of low key-ly rushed to the bus, so I could get on it (duh). When I sound a seat to sit on, I started to text coz S had texted me, but as I was texting her, from the corner of my eye, I could see that G had came onto my bus and he had walked right past where I was sitting and was looking down at me as he walked past! FREAKY MUCH?! I automatically told (texted) S that. I was totally freaked. i could not turn around or anything -just allowed myself to turn to look outside the window. Finally, when the bus was getting closer to my bus stop (near my house), I happily got off the bus. Was so relieved I was finally out of that bus and all that.. pressure(?)

I mean what the hell was he doing on MY (not literally but you know what I mean) bus?! I mean his 12C bus was like right behind my bus (or in-front, can't remember, but I'm sure it was in-front..) and yet, he didn't take it! And his bus left earlier than my bus, so why the hell would he be taking my bus?! He never takes my bus unless he's with me or whatever. So what the hell was that about!?

BUT! on Thursday, I was late for the bus, I was gonna catch the bus with S but sadly, I missed it. So I had to walk to the Fitzherbet Street bus stop to catch the next one to uni. I texted S that I would be in the computer lab, doing my Written Communication essay. When S had finished her class, she told me that G was outside of the class/lecture room walking around, sort of look like he was waiting for someone - well specifically speaking, he wasn't particularly doing anything there. And S knew that I wouldn't like her talking to him, so she made a detour to the toilets. I mean I knew that he had a class there just then, but he also knew that I would have my Geo class there afterwards.

MAYBE he was waiting for me!? I don't know. But that is freaky. I mean, why would he do that? Coz usually he wouldn't do that. But whatever the reason was, I'm sticking with what I think right now. Coz either way. It's freaky.

I talked to J on Tuesday and he said that (maybe) G is trying to 'teach' me a lesson - a lesson to make ME talk to him FIRST! When I heard that I was like 'PFFT. AS IF!' That was soo unlikely to happen, as I DID NOT want to talk to him or have any contact with him of any kind at the moment. So if he was waiting for that. He can stop wasting his time and 'get over it' -in his words to me (when he told me to get over what (nasty/hurtful words) he had said to me. J also told me that G had gone emo. And that I had REALLY got to him. I was like YUS!! So freaking happy. Coz that's what you get if u hurt somebody and don't apologize or stop saying such things and all those things he did or said to me. He deserved it I'd say! ;D

No one Understands...

On Tuesday, I decided to tell J what happened - mainly coz he kept asking me. And I had ask him the night before (Monday), on MSN, whether I was a two-faced person or not. He automatically replied that everyone was. I told him that was not the answer I wanted. I explained to him what I meant. He then told me. You could say, most of it was the stuff sort of similar to the things that G had told me. My two-faced-ness was mainly directed/related to guys. It wasn't very nice to hear. But I had told J to be honest with me, seeing as he is my closest guy friend. But in a way, I didn't think he understood how I felt...

So on Tuesday, after our class together, he asked me about G. It took me a while to tell him, but I eventually did. We both agreed and knew what type of person G was. We had a good talk about him. Though it wasn't a very long talk and we didn't exactly get to finish, it was till worthwhile, seeing as I wagged my other class to talk to J about this. We both knew that he was VERY desperate for a girlfriend. And would try anything to get one. But the thing was, he likes asians girls. Not that it's a bad thing. It's just that he's a black guy.. and mainly.. he has anger issues. Any chick would run away from him sooner or later (no offense or anything to him). But it's the truth.

He's even lied to two asian girls (whom I know), telling them that, they were the first asian girl that he has liked. Which we all know, is a big, fat LIE. That's how desperate he can get. G turned up at about 4.30 p.m. and so me and J couldn't talk about him no more. It was sort of weird, the atmosphere. For me, it was more like awkward and I-don't-want-to-talk-to-you atmosphere (for me). But anyways, he and J talked and I just sat there. I didn't want to talk to him really. 

- Different story -

Last Saturday, G and I were texting at night. He told me that he had 'lost someone that I loved and it hurt a lot. There are times where I lay in bed and cried.' I sort of felt sorry for him, but I wasn't so sure about the crying part.. But anyways, I asked him who it was and it took him about 5 minutes to tell me, that it was ME!! OMG! (Well, actually, I knew that was coming, but I never knew that he LOVED me. What the hell?!). After all his explanations and I had already told him that I'm still recovering from all those things that he had said to me. He said, 'I'm guessing you still mad at me. Q let it go. It happened and there is nothing you can do 

to change the past. Why don't you move on? In a good way that is.' I mean, what the hell was he thinking?! Telling me to move on. Coz it ain't HIM that has been hurt. Coz it ain't HIM that has to think about those nasty words everyday! Coz HE'S the one that said those hurtful words and NEVER regretted it!!

Gosh. I don't know how he can do that!! I'm so pissed at him right now. I don't want to talk to him on MSN and text I have decided. Coz even J agrees with me that, when G texts, there are no emotions in them and so it's harder for me to know whether he is joking, serious or angry or whatever. 

Hurtful Words All Over Again.

He's done it again... He's said more of those hurtful words to me... 

We were talking on MSN yesterday afternoon. He then asked me, if he had ever lied to me about anything. I told him that I didn't know on the spot. I told him to give me some time to think about it. He stupidly responded with '5 minutes?' '10 minutes?' I was like thinking to myself, 'What the hell!? Just leave me alone and stop asking me stupid questions!' But instead, I told him that I needed more than that. He then told me I was annoying, so I said 'Fine. I'll shut up then.' He then said, "Your annoying when u shut up as well." And that totally got me going (crazy). I asked him what he wanted me to do then. He said to let him punch me. I automatically responded with "EFF NO I WILL." He then goes, 'you will?' I mean of course I wouldn't! In his dreams he could. 

He decided later on that I was a two-faced person. Especially to guys. I asked him why. He said, "when u meet new people listen to yourself. And then you will know. Yeah u don't. But u make people think that way. hint two-faced." I asked him, "So your saying I'm two-faced?" He then gave me the most hurtful sentence/explanation to me, "I said that ages ago. You may fool some people, but not all of them. Just coz u got hurt by Jh doesn't mean u do the same to others. Maybe Jh cheated on u for good reason. Maybe he realized your two-faced act. Maybe not. But whatever it is Q, u change once u know the inside of a guy." To me, that was the most hurtful thing that he has ever said to me, I didn't mind (a lot) that he called me a two-face, but putting Jh into the conversation was absolutely uncalled for! It totally struck me on my most sensitive nerve/spot. I was extremely upset and angry at him that moment. And I guess I still am. 

I mean, he's saying that it's MY fault that Jh cheated on me?! That NOTHING was Jh's fault!? Well, sorry. But I think you don't know the full story (about me and Jh) to talk about me (and him) like that. G pisses me off just like that. He talked to me today. Buh I much rather him not to. Coz I just want to be alone - without him around! I don't  want to see him, talk to him or whatever else there is that has to do with him! 

That day, I really wanted to tell J about this, but I couldn't. Coz he would ask me all sorts of questions and I wouldn't be in the mood of telling him. I was on the bus.. trying so hard to hold back all my tears - angry and upset tears. G always does this - with or without realizing it. But the thing is, he never seems to regret what he has ever said to me. He said he was terribly sorry. But really? I wouldn't know. Only he would. He told me last Thursday night (via text), that he is not 'physical unless I get in a fight, which I don't start. Or someone comment about my mama, then I fight. But I am really sorry Q, we have all done something that we are not proud of. And for me, one of it was offending you. I'm terribly sorry. When I'm angry I want a hug from that person....' I decided to ignore the fact that he had said sorry. 

Then, a couple of days later, we were texting at night, we got into the conversation,

 something about him and finding girlfriends and what not. He told me that "It's been like this for 4 years aye. All the girls that I like run away when they find out my anger issues. It f***s me off man. I even lost you. Lol.' When he said that, I automatically said to him, then why don't you NOT be angry? But I don't think he answered that question. And anyways, I don't get how he lost me, when I'm still his friend and still talk to him and stuff. He's just ... stupid... ><

Yumcha

Went to Yumcha at Tasty Restaurant today at 12.30 p.m. with K today. He surprised me , He came back to PN a couple of days ago and I didn't know about it and I didn't believe it when he told me he was here in PN haha. Anyways. I met another one of his friend. His name was R. R introduced himself as R, and then K comes along and goes, have you guys introduce yourselves yet? He's J. And I was totally shocked. Coz at R told me his name was R and then K tells me it's J! But then R cleared things up, saying that he's got two english names. But many people call him R. So that was a relief. I thought he was lying haha.

Anyways, it was great meeting R. C and Iv was also there. We spent like 2 hours there, just chatting away and laughing. Though I didn't say much, it was still fun to just be around them. About 2.30 p.m. we all decided to leave - we were like the second to last people left in the restaurant. We had a little chat when we were at the car park. Then we decided to go bowling at Bowlarama. But first of all, K (and I) took R home first, coz he said he had assignments to do.

When we got there, it was just us four. It was fun. Though I was losing... During the game, K said that if he won, then I'd had to shout him drinks. I said OK. In the end. I won him by one point (YAY). We had a second game and in the end, me and K tied in the game. It was a fun game. Afterwards, we all decided to go home, since it was 4 p.m. So K took me home and yeah. That was the end of my (fun) day!

Patching Things Up

I texted G this morning to tell him that I would (finally) return his hooded jacket back to him. The conversation went like this: 

Q: Hey. You have free from 10 a.m.  - 11 a.m. aye

G: If u mean time. Yeah. I am free from 10 - 11. who is this

Q: Sweet. I'll give you back your jacket then. And once again. Thanks for deleting my number.

G: Oh you again. Well you don't talk to me. And you mad at me so I don't see a point in keeping your number.

Q: Oh. "Again." I'm sorry then. I do talk to you. And plus. Even if I am mad at you, you didn't have to delete my number. Do u see me deleting your number when you were mad at me??!

G: No. Q. I didn't say it that way. Plus, Q you don't know how terrible I feel. It's not that I don't wanna talk to you or hate you or anything. Every time I see your number I wanna talk to you. And stuff. And I know if I do that. You won't be interested in being friends again. So I thought it would help if I deleted it. Nothing negative.

Q: Every time you talk to me on MSN and stuff, I always reply. So why would I not text back if u texted me? I never said I didn't want to be friends with you anymore. You know how i hate losing a friend.

G: Yeah and when I ask you if you are still mat at me. You say it doesn't matter. And to me that means that nothing will change between us. And I don't want it to be like that.

Q: Yes. Coz it really doesn't. If I was mad at you, what will you do? If I wasn't mad at you, what will u do?

G: If you were mad I would stop talking to you. And if you weren't I would be friendly. That's what I had planned anyway.

Q: Oh. So if I was mad at you, you wouldn't talk to to me? How is that gonna make our friendship any better?

G: It's not. If your mad at me. Then why bother. But if your not. It's worth a try.

Q: Well if you bothered. It could at least still help the friendship somehow. If u don't. Obviously it's all gonna go down the drain, isn't it?

G: Yea. Well do you wanna still be mates

Q: Yes I do. Do you?

G: I do.

So yeah. That's how the conversation went. I told him that I'll meet up with him to give him back his jacket anyways, seeing as I have already bought it along with me and have finally remembered to. He told me: 'Nah actually. Keep it at your place. If it wasn't  for my jacket. It's actually a hoodie. We wouldn't be talking.'

But in the end, I gave it back to him. Coz i didn't want to carry it around in my bag. It's pretty big actually. Takes up a lot of room in my bag. So yeah. I guess now we are on good terms. But this certainly does not mean that I have forgiven him (yet) for what he has said to me. He said that he 'feels terrible' but he never said a thing about him being sorry or being regretful for what he had said to me. 

I don't know if I will point that out to him, but.. for now. I think I will just pretend that nothing is happening, now that we are starting to patch up our friendship again. Maybe, I will tell him later, when I have finally decided that I am going to forgive him. But surely. I will never forget it.