Wellington!!

Yesterday we went to Wellington with C. When we got down there, we picked up Hi and then went into the city and meet up with Ho [aka. Al]. We had lunch at this Cambodian restaurant at Courtenay Place. Then Ho had to go to work.

So it was just us 4 [me, K, C and Hi]. We went to Lower Hutt for about a couple of hours and then went back to Wellington for dinner with Ho. But we walked around for a bit before having dinner at 7pm together, at this Chinese restaurant in the city. It wasn't that nice. But you could say it was filling.

After that, we all went to take a walk to the beach, as we were all so full. It was darn windy and cold in Wellington! But was soo hot and stuffy in PN! So all I wore was a mini skirt and sandals [i bought a jacket so it was OK and bought a pair of shorts at SUPRE when we were in Lower Hutt -and K paid for it as well!! xO]. It was less cold without the skirt haha.

After that, we went to this lovely dessert place, called Strawberry Fare, I think it was. That place is amazing [their dessert]. We went there the last time [me and K] we were there in Wellington.

Afterwards, we said out goodbyes to Ho and Hi. And drove back to PN. We arrived at about 11.45pm.

It was a tiring day but you know what? It was damn worth the time and energy! I love hanging out with my boyfriend! He's the best! I don't want him to leave :(

Daddy's Birthday

Yesterday was daddy's birthday, and K had already bought a birthday cake for him from Auckland. The cake was just so damn beautiful! Dad was soo surprised that we had got him a cake [although it was K who paid for it and bought it down with him].

K stayed for dinner as well. And bought daddy a bottle of red wine as a birthday gift. I just feel so proud of my Honey. He just always know how to make the elderly proud of him or just happy with him :) Mum told dad that it was K who bought the cake down especially for him, all the way from Auckland. He was quite happy about that :)

Aww! Another couple of days and my Honey is gonna leave me and go back to Auckland. I'm going to miss him soo much! :(

Buying Me Stuff

My Honey bought me clothes for the very first time @Valleygirl a couple of days ago [Thursday]. And I know that, if I didn't get discounts at Valleygirl, It would've been over $100. So luckily, I get discounts there, so he only had to spend $65 on my clothing :D

I just got a denim vest, a grey leopard print t-shirt [quite flow-y and see through -but not quite] and a denim mini skirt :) I love him to pieces. These will be the clothes that I will wear all the time and treasure. Coz he bought them for me! But then again, I don't want to wear it all the time, coz I don't want to get them dirty as or worn out x(

New Plymouth!

Went to New Plymouth with my Honey and my younger sister today. Although we had a time limit, as we had to be back in PN around 4.30pm - 5pm [coz I had to go back to my parents shop to work :(]. We had an alright trip.

Didn't really do much, just went to the mall there and went to the coastline of New Plymouth. It was darn windy! And I was wearing my maxi dress. It was sunny though. Just windy. So windy and cold I had to hold on tight to my beloved boyfriend. Such a good feeling, just hugging him tightly :)

I/we just felt sorry for my younger sister coz her boyfriend didn't come and she looked sad and left out, as me and K were so cuddly :) Poor sis :(

On the way back to PN though, we took a lot of photos together -yes. While he was driving. Yes. I know it was dangerous and all. But it was fun at the same time. I'm so happy we got our first photos together :)

He's Here!!!!!

YUS!! He's back tonight!! Oh gosh! I am soo happy and excited! I hope I'll be able to see him tonight when he arrives in PN!! xD I'm going to run up to him and give a BIGGGG hug like I did the last time he came back!!

Oh how much I have missed my dearest boyfriend :( I never want to let him go! x( I love him so much! Only a couple more hours or so, and my boyfriend is officially in town!!!!!!!!! WOOPPPEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! xDD

Back Soon!

He's back soon!!! My honey is back SOON!! Oh my gosh!!!!!! I am sooo excited!!! xD He's coming back tomorrow afternoon/evening -after his work @2.30pm! I hope he gets enough rest before he starts driving! :)

Oh I'm soo excited to be able to see him again!! I want to cuddle up with him and hold hands with him when I'm in town, shopping etc. It's like I've got the WHOOOLLEE week planned for us when he's back!! xD haha. Aww! I love him so much! I don't want to waste a single second when he's here! I want to make the most of it! Make all-kinds of memories with him while he is here! Coz he isn't going to be back until like Feburary 2011. So.. Gotta make the most out of it!!! :DD

I hope he drives back safely. Coz I know that he is driving back after work. And that he will be very tired. I know that he is going home to take a nap before driving, but he is still going to be tired. I hope he will arrive safely. Somehow, I think that he might get in an accident :( It's such a sad thought, but I don't know why I think like that...

I want him to arrive in one piece -no accidents! I want nothing to happen to him! I love him heaps! Don't EVER want to lose him :( Losing him, would mean that my [love] life would be meaningless without him. I hope he drives back safely.

I shall make sure to remind him, every now and then when he's driving -although it's not a good thing to be texting/reading a text while driving. But I hope he will drive slowly. Have a safe trip back honey!!!!!!!!!!! Can't wait to see you! :)

The Gift Was....!!

So we meet @Aqaba for lunch @1pm, although I was like, 10mins late xD haha. But yeah, he paid for the meal and I bought him a drink. While we were waiting for our meal to arrive, he said that there are two things that he wants to give me. I was like TWO!?!!? O___O! Oh my.

So the first thing was a heart-shaped glass jar, filled with [folded up] stars.It was gorgeous! So pretty! You could say it was the first time that I had recieved something like that. Although, K had given me something like that, but they were cranes instead of stars and it was in a box instead of in a glass jar.

After lunch, he said that he is going to collect the second gift, which was in Downtown, and that's when I guessed what it was [when he told me @Aqaba]. When he got them, it was like WHOA!!! O>O! They were sooo gorgeous! Apparently there were 12 red roses! It was just SO damn gorgeous!

I had never recieved red roses before! I have recieved pink roses, but never red ones. As everyone knows, red roses are wayy more expensive! But yeah, we walked back to R's place and we took photos of the flowers :D

I uploaded them from his computer. And within about 30mins later or so, K saw them on FB and asked who they were from, and instantly guessed that they were from R. I asked him why he thought that. He said coz I had told him that R was going to give me something for our friendship anniversary and the picture that I had taken with me in the photo, was at his place. That's why. I was like, oh ok.

I never told him who it was. R told me not to, coz K would get soo jealous and I thought that was true. I didn't want K to be so jealous. I wanted him to know, that no matter who the gift was from, it didn't matter. Coz in my heart, there is K only. But I guess it didn't quite work out? Coz I felt that he was a tad unhappy and he kept asking who it was from and yeah..

He didn't text me back for like 3hrs. I got soo worried about him! I thought that he was angry at me, for not telling him who it from from and kept avoiding the question. Coz he'd never take that long to text me back unless he was working. But it turns out that he was helping out a friend.

After that, I knew that, K is indeed very important to me, and that having him "ignore" my texts, were very sad and just... Not a good feeling. I love him so much. There is no one whom I want more, than K :)

ILY! ❤

His Gift

So R has decided there is such thing as a "BFF [best friends forever] anniversary", when I jokingly told/asked him. So now, he has this special gift for this anniversary for us.

He's keeping it very secretive, but in a way, he wants to tell me what the gift is. But he wants it to be a surprise. Hmmm... I wonder what it is aye? HE says it's quite big and not that heavy and that I probably wouldn't want to carry it home [walk/bus]. I was like, oh my God. You serious?! D:

Yeah. So K knows about this, coz I have told him before [like a couple of weeks before?] and yeah, I don't think he's too happy about this? :/

Well! We'll see what the gift is tomorrow! As he is giving it to me tomorrow after lunch.

Can't Let Go

I have realized that letting him go, is harder than I thought it would be [at first]. Although sometimes I gotta admit, it certainly IS painful to be waiting for him constantly for days, weeks and months. But I know, deep down, I love this guy very much and letting him go, is not an option.

I told him on the phone that I feel like I'm "suffering" and it's painful that I have to wait sooo long just to see him -and I'm not saying that he's not waiting to see me or anything. But it's like, why does my first relationship HAVE to be a long-distance relationship?! Maybe this is one of the things that I have too "sacrifice", considering how "perfect" my first love is.

When I told him all this [suffering and painful], he felt very sad, and asked if I wanted to leave him, and of course I said NO! I mean, yeah, I know it would hurt him to hear me say such thing. But I just wanted to get it off my chest. Waiting for someone you truly love, is damn HARD and PAINFUL!

I don't ever want to leave him. He's perfect in every way. I can't wait till the day that I get to move in with him :) Yeah... I think this is what they call "falling in love" eh? I love him so much, that no one in this world could EVER replace him :)

All Better

So we are all good now. When K texted me in the early morning after his work [like 3am] and I read it this morning at about 8am, his text said that his left leg was very sore and that he wanted to cry, he couldn't walk and wanted to chop it off. It was so sad to hear. All I wanted to do right after reading that text, was to go up to him and give him a BIG hug and kiss him, tell him that everything is going to be OK. I just really wanted to do that. I miss him so much. And I know he must've been under a lot of pressure or stress. Otherwise, he wouldn't say that he wanted to cry :(

He ended up calling me at 10.30am and we talked until 12pm. At first, I was unhappy, like moodless. But after a while of talking to him, everything was all good again. He told me that he really couldn't text me back at all last night was coz he was busy and he couldn't go on his 10mins break until 10pm. And he was really unhappy about that and said that he'd wag work [for one day] just so that he could come back to PN earlier to see me. After hearing that, I totally perked up! :D He said he'd do that just to piss them off [for not letting him on his break]. I was like YAYYY!! Wag work and come see me!!! xD haha. He said he might. So hopefully he can xD hehe I'm such a bad girlfriend xD

I really love my boyfriend. He's the bestest of the best! No one could EVER replace him!!! xD hehehe

I can't wait till he comes back! ♡

When He's Back

R came back today afternoon at 1pm and I went to visit him as I had the key to his room. He bought me back some Dunkin Donuts from the Auckland airport and he also bought me a big variety of cakes from Auckland.

I told K that he [R] was coming back and he told me to be careful when I'm around him and all. When it was time for K to go to work, he sent me a text saying, "Honey I'm at work now. You have fun at work and enjoy the rest of your day. I miss you a lot and not sure how to tell you. I thought a lot too. I love you heaps but not sure how to express." After reading that I was like, WHAT!? Where did that come from??

But in the end, I think it was the fact that I was with R and he felt jealous? And scared that I'd leave him for R? I dunno. But yeah. He always think that, no matter how many times I tell him that me and R are just good friends. Like BFF's. So yeah..

Then he called me at 10pm during his break, [he didn't even text me for the whole night :( so sad] and he sounded quite unhappy/upset. He did admit that he was a bit jealous, but he was OKabout it now. And that he didn't text me back coz he was real busy at work and wasn't able to take a break until then [10pm]. Somehow, I didn't believe that. At the end of the conversation, he didn't even say what he usually says before we hang up. He usually would tell me that he loves me and that he misses me. But this time he didn't. I asked if he missed me, he said, "I always miss you" in a .. flat tone. It was like.. sad :(

I notice that whenever he is unhappy [at me mostly] that he doesn't end the conversation with "I love you!" and/or "I miss you!" So that is how I know that he is unhappy/upset.

I think it is best if I never mention R's name in-front of him. Coz every time I do, this is what happens. It's worse when I hang out with R. So.. Yeah. I don't want this to always cause us both to fight or to be unhappy. I love K so much. After the phone call, suddenly, I felt like I was going to lose him. Thinking just that, made me feel so sad and unhappy. Like, I didn't want to lose him. Losing him would be the hardest thing for me. I love him so much. He means the world to me now. I don't know what I'd do without him in my life or him not being my boyfriend. I love him so so much.,

I can't wait till he comes back.. Although right now, I am a tad unhappy coz... He's unhappy? But yeah. I know that I don't want to lose him. I'm so strange.. It's only been like 3 months and I have fallen for him so deeply. Am I crazy? Or is it coz this is my first real relationship and first love? :/

I Lie?

He called me this afternoon while I was on my lunch break. He asked me when R was coming back to PN. [R had already texted me before K called, to not tell K coz he didn't want to meet up with C, as he has gone up to Auckland and knew that K would tell C].

So when I told K that he was coming back tomorrow, he instantly said that I was lying. I was like :O He said that R had told C that he [R] was coming back to PN tonight at 6pm [which was what R told me through text to tell him [K] if he asked]. I was like no, tomorrow. Then he's like saying that I'm always lying. After he said that, it was like, to me it was like, I can't believe he thinks I lie all the time! >:O I was so .. Hurt? I don't know. But yeah. I just felt sad after hearing that.

I don't know whether he meant it as a joke. But it certainly did not sound like it... I don't think I have ever lied to him before. Even if I have lied, it was only a little lie. Like telling him where I was and stuff, but in the end, he'd eventually find out where I am etc.

But seriously??? Me?? Always lying to him?! Oh come onnnn! He's gotta be kidding me, right? :/ Hmm... Yeah. I'll just pretend it's not effecting me :/

Three Months!

WOW! It's been 3 months already since me and K have been together! D: Wow. And by 'wow' I mean it as in, wow, it has felt like we have been together longer than that! :O But apparently not. Only been like 3 months. Geez.

My SM told me her and her boyfriend has only been together for 2 months and yet she feels like they have only been together for a couple of weeks! Like wow. Amazing eh? Different people, different thoughts, maybe?

Well, this month, I have sent him some songs as an anniversary 'present' :D They were: TEENAGE DREAM - KATY PERRY and PARACHUTE - CHERYL COLE. Those two songs are the ones that describe how I feel towards him and just my feelings in general. Like, it relates to me and him -if you know what I mean xD And last month I just uploaded that photo of him on FB [where I photoshopped it a bit]. Hmm.. I wonder what I should do next month eh? :/

Well I hope he likes them. I'm going to give him these little 'gifts' every month. I need to think of something new/different every month xD haha

I love him so much. Miss him. Can't wait till he comes back to PN :)

Bit More About Him

So he told me a little bit about his ex-girlfriend again last night.

He told me that he didn't talk to his ex-girlfriend for like about 3-4 days coz she was apparently 'with another guy.' And obviously not in a friend-way, was more like in a intimate way, which made him angry at her and just damn annoyed. And that he likes to be by himself if he is very very very angry [coz of me mainly] and that he wouldn't tell me where he would be.

The only reason that he'd be that angry is, if he finds out that I cheat on him or doing something that is totally unfaithful to him. Which I don't think I will do... Hopefully... :/ But yeah. Other than that, he said that he wouldn't get that angry and not talk to me for ages. He said the longest that he hasn't talked to someone [his ex-girlfriend/s most likely] would be about 2 weeks. I was like WHOA! Now that's a lonngggg time! D:

So yeah, I better be a good girl and not do anything unfaithful to him, which I don't think I will. Coz I love him deep down. I think it's this distance that we have, that keeps our love together.... Maybe? I wonder if I'd feel the same [like miss him tons and tons] when we live together and whether I'd still love him just as much?

I know this sounds quite harsh, but it's reality, right? Although I DO wish to be like this, all lovey-dovey with him for the rest of my life. It would be perfect :) But as we all know, we don't know what the future holds for us.. So.. I hope everything turns out right for me and him :)

Counting Down

He's coming back soon! Well sort of. Like another whole week and a half(?) Yeah. It's such along wait. And he is only able to stay for like a week. Like that's not long enough!!! x(

Aw I miss him so so much. I wish we lived together. Sometimes, I think about just getting married and everything will be fine. But then when I think deeply, marriage isn't the answer to everything. So.. Then again, I have to wait until the day comes. Sigh.

I really miss him a lot. I hope I don't have to work too much at Valleygirl, so that I could at least spend the day with him, even though I cannot spend the night with him, unless it's the weekend [coz my older sister is able to work for my parents].

AWWW!! I seriously miss him a lot! I don't know why! But I just do...

:(

work

Oh God! There has been so much pressure and stress from work!! BOTH sides! My parents shop and at Valleygirl!

It's like, my older sister cannot got to my parents shop to help them coz she has work from 4pm - 9pm so then I have to rush back to parents shop like pronto! Or else my dad is going to have a mental at me for being late to work, as he thinks that I'm having exams only recently and the fact that I have been going back to work late.

So it's like, after working at Valleygirl [finish either at 5pm or 5.30pm], I have to power walk to the bus stop and catch the bus back to my parents shop like real fast. And if I miss the bus I have to wait like 20mins for the next one and that costs a lot of time and that makes my dad go all psycho at me. So it's like so much pressure on me, coz at Valleygirl, I don't always get to leave on time coz there is like so much stuff to do and all. especially on the days that I finish at 5.30pm, coz I have to vacuum clean, tidy the racks etc. And sometimes I don't leave until like 5.45pm or 6pm. So it's like pressuring me to work faster as now I have to catch the bus before 6pm [last bus at 6pm].

That's what made me so angry and annoyed today at Valleygirl. Even my SSM saw me in a "bad mood" and asked my SM to see if I wanted to go home and get someone else to replace my shift. I was like, na. It's OK. I'll be fine. At the same time, my SM gave me this warning letter [coz I had undercharged customers 3x], so yeah. I'd say that it was one bad as day for me!

I even had a little cry to myself. It's like all thsi pressure is on me. I hated it. I just didn't want to work anymore. Didn't want to do anything at all. OH GOSH!! It was sooo damn stressful!! But luckily I had K to calm me down [although it didn't work] but at least I had someone to express my feelings to.

ARRGGHH! I hate pressure!!! I will have to like chill for now... And see how things go. Coz I DO want to finish on time andget back to my parents shop, coz I don't want my dad to go all psycho and nag me again. Sigh. :/

When He Was A Kid

He told me his 'life story' last night to me. It was mainly about him as a kid, and what he was like and all. Told me that he was quite a naughty kid when he was young -around about 4 years old. And to me, he sounded naughty but so cute as well. He's just adorable. His childhood sounded much like my father's. Yes, I know, makes my boyfriend sound so old haha. But it's true.

My dad was naughty as a kid. He lived in the country-side. Sort of. Well like his dad was a farmer anyways. And stole fruits and all off other peoples farms to eat. All this, is pretty much what both K and my dad had done when they were kids. It's like whoa, they are so similar.. Haha.

Hmm... I think in quite a few ways, that my boyfriend and my dad are similar. It's scary but amazing at the same time. I guess it's true that in the magazine said that, women tend to go for men that have similar traits to their father. When I read that, I thought it was just impossible and just damn creepy. I mean, it's like, liking your own father more than.. A father? [Haha]. But now.. I have a boyfriend who has similar traits as my father. Sort of. :)

Letting Go?

Recently, I am missing my boyfriend ever sooo much! I don't know why, But I do. I think about him like literally 24/7 and like need to know what he has been up to and all. And wishing that he was right here with me.

I miss him so much that sometimes, it gets so 'painful' that I start to think, whether I should let go of this relationship or not... It's so hard for me. I know it would be hard for him also. But sometimes, I think to myself, I just cannot take this any longer. I want my boyfriend to be with me, live in the same city as me, just so I can see and spend time with him whenever he is free or when I'm free.

But that fact is, we can't. And that's the thing that I'm missing out on the most in my first relationship. Everything is perfect for me in this relationship. Everything besides this distance that we have between us. Although we text and talk on the phone everyday, I still feel this distance that we are so far apart from each other and it's so hard to be able to see each other for a long time.

I don't want to give up this perfect relationship. Especially not with K. I love him so much. I just cannot force myself to let go of such a good guy like him. If I do, I know I will truly regret for the rest of my life. I just wish that time will fly past quickly. So then I will finally be able to graduate, then be able to move up to Auckland and live with him. I miss him so much.

It's like I want to spend every second of my life with him. I don't know whether I will get sick of him, but I'm sure I will at one point. But in the end, I will still love him and go back to him, just like I do with my siblings and parents. Finding them annoying. Wish I could get away from them, and when times pass, and they're not with you anymore, you feel so lonely and need to go back to them and all. If you know what I mean :)

But this long-distance relationship is REALLY REALLY HARD! I don't know why it has to be me that has to be in this long-distance relationship. It's so hard and painful. There are many times where I wish I hadn't gone into this relationship or even just letting go of this relationship. In the end, I cannot force myself to do that.. I love him so much. Hearing his voice and recieving his text messages mean the world to me at the moment, considering how far we are apart from each other. I miss him a lot

No Call

He didn't call me last night as he was busy with work. Somewhat, I felt really lost and lonely. Like, we [me and K] were on the verge of breaking up or something!

All these negative thoughts were coming to me. I don't know why. All the lovely memories that we have had together were rushing to my mind, and I just ended up crying a bit. I kept thinking, 'what would happen when we break up?' Which just caused me to be even more upset.

I don't know why I was so upset over it and it's not the first time that he hasn't called me just before I/we slept. I guess I just missed him a lot. He felt that I was unhappy, but I just said a little. I really did miss him and wanted to hear his voice.

I guess this is what you call "falling in love"? Maybe? Coz just thinking about breaking up, makes me so upset. But then, sometimes, when I do think about you know, leaving this world and that there is nothing to live for, I don't mind 'breaking up' with him like that. But when I re-think, I know deep down, I love him a lot. More than I have for any other guy...

Still Thinking...

Had my last exam yesterday afternoon! Didn't go so well! But oh well! I'm soo glad it's all over now!!! :D

So a couple of nights before, me and K were talking on the phone, and he was talking about our future together. Well not really "together". But we were talking about kids and all. It was very sweet. Until that thought of his ex-girlfriend came along [to my thoughts].

I just keep thinking that, considering he said that I look similar to her, and is somewhat like her [personality], even though she's apparently better. But I still just can't think that he is like treating me as her. Like, I have taken her spot. As in like.. A "replacement" for her. You know what I mean?

I know I shouldn't think like that, and I know his is damn faithful to me. But sometimes, I cannot help, but to think that he is treating me like her. I'm so bad, ain't I? I'm feeling a tad insecure. He tells me he loves me and all. I believe him, but... At the same time, I don't really believe him... Although I WANT to believe him.. But just can't bring myself to..

All I know is that, I, myself, really do love this guy and sometimes think that this relationship is just too damn good to be true... :/

Engraved On His Heart...

I was reading this story in my 20th Century Chinese Literature & Society, Study Guide, as I had to study for my exam [which is this Thursday].

It was called "Trials and Tribulations" by Chi Li. It's about the poor life of the people in China in the 1960's or something like that. And at the start, where the main character Yin Jiahou, leaves for work at the factory with his four year-old son. He says that:

"He knew as well as if he had eyes in the back of his head that a woman with her clothing thrown over her shoulders, her bare heels squashing the back of her shoes and her hair done up in a permanent that looked like a crow's nest was standing forlornly in front of a window in the broken-down row of houses, her face a sallow grey. She was watching father and son as they walked away. This was his wife. Are you sorry that your wife isn't a bit prettier? But think: in the whole world there is only her to see you off and wait for your return."

It's true. Later on, he has this fantasy to 'cheat' on his wife or is thinking of having a mistress or a second wife with his apprentice, Yali. He wipes that away. But this is the part where it got to me.

His old friend sends him a letter, telling him about his life is and that he [his friend] has recently seen Nie Ling, who is supposedly his ex-wife or [ex-]lover. He gets real sensitive when his friend mentions in the letter that she is now married and has a 7 year-old daughter. And when he [his friend] asks her why he [Yin] and her had broken up, she refused to tell him.

When there were women that were look-a-likes of her [Nie Ling], his heart would fluster and when it was confirmed that it wasn't her, he thinks to himself, 'Her name bore not the least resemblance to the one engraved long ago on his heart." He later on even thinks that she [Nie Ling] is the only woman that can make him feel like the way he does and that he will always be in his heart [or something like that] although he has a wife and son.

While I was reading this, it reminded me of K. Coz I mean, it DOES relate to me and him in a way. Although I'm not saying I'm ugly or anything. But the point is, that he DOES have his 3rd ex-girlfriend in his heart. And he DID tell me that he broke up with the 4th and 5th [ex] girlfriends cozhe didn't feel that they were as good as her [3rd ex]. Which caused me to think and think, whether I was good enough for him and thinking that he may compare me to her.

I asked him last night [relevant to the conversation that we had of course. Not just randomly asked him], whether I was the only one [girl] in his heart. He replied "Yes" without thinking. I don't know. Maybe he did think? I don't know. I repeated the question and said 'really?' and he kept saying yes and said, "You seem like you don't believe me...?" I was like, "Nope. I believe you."

But deep down, I just couldn't bring myself to believe him... Knowing that he has HER in his heart, telling me that the other 2 girls weren't good enough, not as good as her, and that relationship with her was the MOST memorable and BEST one and the fact that I look similar to her -somehow.. :/ Now I just can't seem to stop thinking too much into it...

Even when he talks about the future with me, I don't know why, but it seems like I have doubts about it. Like, is he with me coz of her? [look like her] although our attitudes are a tad different, or is it that he won't find another like me -or her [look-a-like]. I don't know! I know I should trust him. Trust his love for me and I KNOW I shouldn't think of him like this [分心/sharing his heart with another [woman] kind of person, you know?]. But at this moment, I can't bring myself to do that.

I'm sorry.. But until the day that he proves to me that he truly loves me, and no one else, then I cannot be like how I was before I found all this out. I don't know how he can do this. But I don't think marriage is the answer either. Coz lilke the story says, her name being engraved on his heart long ago.. So.. marriage doesn't solve anything. And the story i right, "Love and marriage are different subjects".

Sorry... And I cannot tell him this, Coz then he will not tell me anything else about her [and him] and I want to know, even if it hurts.... And kills me inside... Slowly...

Exams 2 & 3

Had my Chinese [written] exam this morning. Wasn't too hard. But wasn't that easy either. Didn't know a few questions, but made an attempt anyways, knowing that it'll be wrong haha. But I'm sure I did quite well :)

Also had my Japanese [written] exam in the afternoon. Was epically hard in a way. I studied so hard(?) for it and to realize after the exam [looking at my notes] the ones that I had been trying to memorize over and over again, but failed to remember DURING the exam. Oh so much fail man! :(

The Kanji was also damn hard. could hardly answer any of them. I hadn't really learnt those.. Mainly been learning the grammatical structures. Although for that part, I still managed to "blank out" for some questions...

But I gotta say. I DID try my hardest. And I would be happy enough to get a C- :/

Fingers crossed.

HIs Email 2

He emailed me again, and the subject line was: I shouldn't have told you off. Please read before you judge.

Just by reading that made me feel like I'm a definite judgemental person or something like that. I was totally unimpressed man. Reading the content, it was just, the same old. same old. Apologizing and what not. And says that he swears that he isn't ever going to feel anything again [besides friends] and that he has made it hard for me to trust him again [that he's over it -I'm guessing]. So yeah.

He even texted me tonight as well. Saying the same old. Telling me to tell my side of the story and to not be angry or upset at him. And to read the email that he had sent me. Blah blah blah.

I even told J about this whole situation. About the shopping "incident" and all as well as the email that he just sent me. He [J] told me that H was being an idiot and told me to stop talking or responding to his messages etc. And that I wasn't wrong [shopping "incident"] and yeah. Told me to just leave it. He's not worth the time blah blah. Pretty much similare to what R and K had told me. Although R thinks that "shopper" is me, but I haven't confirmed it to him yet -which I will later haha.

Well anyways, like I said before [and what K told me], I ain't going to reply until my exams are over. He's not that important.