When He's Back

R came back today afternoon at 1pm and I went to visit him as I had the key to his room. He bought me back some Dunkin Donuts from the Auckland airport and he also bought me a big variety of cakes from Auckland.

I told K that he [R] was coming back and he told me to be careful when I'm around him and all. When it was time for K to go to work, he sent me a text saying, "Honey I'm at work now. You have fun at work and enjoy the rest of your day. I miss you a lot and not sure how to tell you. I thought a lot too. I love you heaps but not sure how to express." After reading that I was like, WHAT!? Where did that come from??

But in the end, I think it was the fact that I was with R and he felt jealous? And scared that I'd leave him for R? I dunno. But yeah. He always think that, no matter how many times I tell him that me and R are just good friends. Like BFF's. So yeah..

Then he called me at 10pm during his break, [he didn't even text me for the whole night :( so sad] and he sounded quite unhappy/upset. He did admit that he was a bit jealous, but he was OKabout it now. And that he didn't text me back coz he was real busy at work and wasn't able to take a break until then [10pm]. Somehow, I didn't believe that. At the end of the conversation, he didn't even say what he usually says before we hang up. He usually would tell me that he loves me and that he misses me. But this time he didn't. I asked if he missed me, he said, "I always miss you" in a .. flat tone. It was like.. sad :(

I notice that whenever he is unhappy [at me mostly] that he doesn't end the conversation with "I love you!" and/or "I miss you!" So that is how I know that he is unhappy/upset.

I think it is best if I never mention R's name in-front of him. Coz every time I do, this is what happens. It's worse when I hang out with R. So.. Yeah. I don't want this to always cause us both to fight or to be unhappy. I love K so much. After the phone call, suddenly, I felt like I was going to lose him. Thinking just that, made me feel so sad and unhappy. Like, I didn't want to lose him. Losing him would be the hardest thing for me. I love him so much. He means the world to me now. I don't know what I'd do without him in my life or him not being my boyfriend. I love him so so much.,

I can't wait till he comes back.. Although right now, I am a tad unhappy coz... He's unhappy? But yeah. I know that I don't want to lose him. I'm so strange.. It's only been like 3 months and I have fallen for him so deeply. Am I crazy? Or is it coz this is my first real relationship and first love? :/