Day 3 Without You

So after texting K last night, and having him tell me that, "You are always on my mind, no matter what. I keep thinking of you all the time. And miss you heaps. And i do sometimes get emotional too and start thinking differently. Like leaving me and going out with others." After reading that text. Everything seemed to be OK. Knowing that he loves me and me only, and having me on his mind all the time, makes me soo happy! :)

But I still had that thought about his ex-girlfriend. Like, comparing me to her -again. Like, I want to know whether he had said all this kind of stuff to her before and all. I still want to know the reason why he and her broke up, after like 2 - 3 years of being together. That's pretty long I'd say. I have the urge to like, break that record. Haha.

It's hard not thinking about him. I really want to be with him. I think about him day and night. I just can't seem to get him out of my mind. I still get a tad emotional when I think about the good times we've had. But what can I do about it? :/ Just sit here and think about him and all the good times we've had.

I really wish he was here. I want to be with him all the time. But I can't :( I miss him to pieces! I miss his voice already. Even though we've talked last night on the phone :(

Day 2 Without You

So Day 2 without K getting even harder. Like when I missed the bus today for work, I just managed to burst into tears and started thinking up things like, how, without him, I'm so lost and can't do anything without him. And how much I miss him.

But when I got to work, as I was working, I just started to think that, maybe I should stop thinking about him all the time. If I get my mind off him, and think about other things, like getting distracted from thinking about him. When I'm distracted, I tend to not think about him that much and I feel much much better. I want to be the girl I was before. Independant and not having to rely on a guy, like all the time. I can rely on myself. I don't need a man to be able to live on. It's sad. I know. But what can I do? I don't want to seem like I'm that kind of girl that's desperate for a man's love and attention. And seem like I can't do without my guy. That's just uncool and yeah.

I mean, not that I won't think about him. But just that I won't think about him that much, so I don't get all emotional. I don't want to get all emotional thinking about him all the time. I need to distract myself from thinking about him. I need FRIENDS! So I can hang out with them, and think less of him. I think it is best if I don't see him that often, so that I don't have to see him leave again and be all emotional all over again. And talking on the phone may cause me to miss him more, coz I love his voice and will definitely miss it when we hang up or when he is unable to talk to me on the phone.

But I definitely miss him like crazy and wish to see him everyday, every second and minute. But I know I can't. Then again, I'm sure that this long-distance will help make our relationship stronger. And like what I've been told, "If it's meant to be. It's meant to be. You cannot force it."

So.. Then again, it's all up to fate to decide whether we were meant to be together or not.. But I DO hope we are meant to be together -forever :) I love him so much. And miss him to pieces too!

Day 1 Without You

Seeing his photos are the only way to make me feel like he is close to me. Sleeping is harder, knowing that he isn't even that close to me, makes it harder for me to sleep. I don't know why, but when he was here, I felt that I could sleep faster, easier and better. But now that he's gone, I feel that I can't get to sleep that easily... It takes me ages to fall asleep.

I miss him so much. I cry when I think about all the memories of me and him together. I only have his photos to remember him and all the memories we had. I'm so glad that we took lots of photos together and all those photos that I managed to take of him. He's just so cute and adorable. I absolutely ADORE his hair, when he has taken a shower [and washed his hair. It's soo FLUFFY!!! I love it. So cute! I took so many photos of him with his cute fluffy hair xD

When I look at those photos, I get all teary. Coz of the fact of how much I miss him and cute he looks. I miss him like crazy. It feels like I'm lost without him :(

Saying Goodbye

So he left today at 3.15pm. It was soo damn hard saying goodbye to him. I told myself not to cry, but tears just had to burst out of my eyes. I couldn't help it. I can't bear to see him leave again. But I know he has to.

He arrived safely in Auckland at 10.25pm. Glad he made it back safely.

We managed to make the most of it today, before he had to leave. Although we spent some time at my place -just having fun. Then going to Kitchen Studio with him and then with his dad. You can't say that we had fun. But spending time with him, was all I asked for that day. We eventually had lunch at around 2pm at Sushi House. It was just sad, seeing the time go by so fast.

When he dropped me home. I really didn't want to let him go. He seemed like he was handling it fine. But I got so emotional. I didn't want to. But I had to. Seeing him go, is just so painful.

Since [last] Saturday night, I have been crying myself in bed, thinking about the day that he is going to leave. I just burst into tears. I cannot cry out loud and let others hear me or see me cry. They will think I'm just being silly. So yeah.. Crying every night in bed, thinking of him. All the good memories and all. I don't even know why I cry coz of something like that.. :/

Movie Date

This morning, we went to watch a movie. The Social Network, it was called. It wasn't that much of a great movie. A tad boring. But oh well. At least I got to spend some time with my Honey :)

After the movie, we went to have lunch at The Bean Cafe. After that, we got a bit bored, we drove around town for a bit, and then decided to go to his place.

His dad was at home. It's always scary meeting/seeing his dad. Coz I don't know what to say to him and like, my Chinese sucks. So I don't want to screw up with my words, when talking to him xD And his dad doesn't talk much, so it does get a tad awkward when K isn't around or is busy doing something else.

But his dad is very nice. He even offered some soup for me. Although it was bitter. It was still very kind of him :) His dad left to the T.A.B to gamble, according to K. So we were left alone in the house. So I started looking through K's photo's in his laptop.

There were a lot. And finally, I managed to see a photo of his beloved ex-girlfriend. From a distance [in the photo's] she looked damn fine. But close up, she looked kinda.. Fat.. I gotta admit. Not that I have anything against her. But that's the truth. His second ex-girlfriend was soo much hotter looking than her -no offense to her or him [K]. But that's also the truth. I could see in those photos, he looked very happy to see her. She was the only one [ex-girlfriend] in his laptop, to have her own folder [named after her with her pictures inside].

I can tell that, she really meant a lot to him. And still does mean a lot to him. Now, all those feelings of, comparing me to her are back. I don't know why. Maybe I am jealous? But it's just an uneasy feeling when you know your boyfriend tells you he loves you only, and has you in his heart only, when he has photos and memories of him and his "most memorable relationship" with his ex-girlfriend. It's just.. Not a good feeling.

Either way, there is no room for me to be angry/upset/unhappy with him right now. I don't get to see him soon. So, it's best to keep things happy while he is still here. Instead of being upset at each other or stuff like that. I want happy memories with him. Not unhappy ones while he's here.

Cooking Together

Last night at his place, after I finished work at Valleygirl, me and my Honey went grocery shopping at Pak 'n' Save for dinner. It was fun grocery shopping with him :)

When we got to his place, we started cooking. I made a fruit salad -with cherries, apples, bananas, strawberries + chocolate dipping sauce :D Took me like 1hr to make that haha. And he made udon with a Miso soup base and had bacon on top. Also had some steamed chicken drumsticks and sausages. We had chicken corn soup afterwards. And of course, my lovely fruit salad for dessert. Was soo good.

What's even better was, while I was eating my big bowl of fruit salad, my dearest boyfriend, went to wash the dishes. There were like TONS of things to wash. He's so sweet. Washing the dishes :) I got a bit lonely eating the salad and watching drama on my own, so I took some fruit to him and fed it to him. And started feeling him up while he was washing the dishes. Wahahahaha! It was so much fun. Coz he couldn't get me back, as his hands were wet xD

Aww.. I had such a good night with him. Cooking with him is so much fun. I'm so glad that he wagged those two days of work just to stay a little longer with me :) Although it's bad to wag work. But I guess it was worth it? :D I hope we can have fun like this when we move in together one day :D Hehe xD

He's going to leave next week for sure. I will definitely miss him.

I Can Do Better?

So I've been told today, that I could do better. And by that, they mean that I could find a better boyfriend than K. When I heard that, I was like damn shocked! I mean, before, I knew that someone would fire that at me. Like, asking me why I'm going out with that guy etc etc. But like, things were going so smoothly, and no one had even mentioned or pointed out a "bad" thing -besides his height, that I just wasn't ready for something like that.

One friend, looked at him and said to my [younger] sister that I could do better. Someone else [whom I'm not going to name] said all this crap about him, so much that I didn't want to listen. I defended my boyfriend as much as I could. I want to hate this person. But I cannot. She has her own thoughts, and I cannot stop her thinking like that. And another person said that he [K] was alright -not bad. But not my cup of tea.

Once all that was fired up at me, I suddenly had all these negative thoughts running through my head. Like, did I really make the right choice? Is he really the one for me? Is he really THAT bad? And all that stuff.

I know that I love him to pieces, but having all that thrown at me, isn't something that everyone can handle. Considering, I know that my boyfriend isn't the most good looking guy in this world. But he has a heart of gold. And I love him to pieces. But all of these remarks, are making me think twice........ I shouldn't be thinking like this.. But I am.. :/