Thursday, September 30, 2010
Too Good To Be True
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Mr Emo
I didn't text him back, coz mainly, I didn't want to waste my texts on him and so I decided to FB him instead. I did tell R and K about this. R said that I should go for it [replying him] but K said that if the conversation goes any deeper or longer, he may end up being emo again and then I'd get all upset coz of him. So in the end... I Fb-ed him. I just said that "I'm fine thanks. What about you? And a simple coversation would be nice."
According to my older sister, she said that H got all nervous and all when he saw that I had replied him and got all paranoid about it. Saying what if it's the last reply that he ever gets from me. And all that stuff. She and I was like like oh my gosh. Just open it!
So he replied saying, "Me? Don't ask. If you wanna know, ask your sister. She knows everything." And after reading that, I was like, "PSSH! Well sorryyyy! Just too cool, aren't cha?" Like, from my point of view, he just suddenly sounded just too cool for me. Like too cool to even associate with me. But I know, deep down he's still "hurt" or whatever but he's trying to sound like he's OK but at the same time hinting that he's not OK coz he's telling me to ask my sister about him/his feelings/how he is. Which I don't need to, coz my sister told me allll that, way before he texted me. But it's not like I'd ask her even if she hadn't told me.
I didn't reply to his message. Then yesterday, he FB-ed me again. And asking me what I have been up to. And that he has been talking to S and that she said that she misses me. And then he said something about being behind in his assignments, due to "um.. reasons" And I was like, "Pssh. What are you trying to hint? You want me to ask you what those reasons are or what?" But obviously, I didn't say that. I haven't even replied him yet. I kinda forgot to last night.
But whatever. R said that maybe I am thinking too much into this situation [what H is saying] but I think that is definitely what he is trying to hint or imply. But I don't know.. I should reply him aye? I haven't even told K about the result of me replying to H's text.. He never asked and I never bought it up. So yeah... Only R knows about this situation really. Oh and my sister of course.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Should I Tell Him?
To be honest, I wouldn't say there is a guy chasing me. Coz I'm not actually certain that, that guy is going for me...
That guy would be one of my friends, ex-boyfriend. He's called L. And he's like Cambodian or something. And he's just really dodgy in a way and he's creepy [to me and S & Y anyways]. He's also pretty cheap as well. Coz he said that for my friend [his ex-girlfriend] he would get her coke for her birthday. We were all like, 'Oh my gosh! Is he serious?!" But it seemed like he was.
Later on, the broke up and she moved on to another couple of guys. And he was back to his lonely self I guess. And he disappeared for a while.
Until recently, he started talking to me on this other social-networking website called, BEBO. And that was before I started using FB. So I haven't actually been on that site in ages unless I get notifications via email.
So yeah, he just started talking to me. Asking me how I am and that he sort of misses me. And I was just like WHAT?! That is totally weird. Considering I don't even know him that well and we've only seen each other like less than 10 times. And have hardly talked before.
Then he gives me his number, asking me to text him and to maybe meet up with him some time. And I was like, yeah sure. One day. Coz I'm busy these days.
He then adds me on FB! And I was like Oh my Gosh! NOOOO!! So yeah, I haven't actually accepted his request yet.. So yeah. Still thinking about it.
So the point is, I don't know whether I should tell K this or not. But for sure, I have told my best friend S. She knows all about it and is the only one who knows about it. Besides Y, although she hardly goes on FB or replies.
Yeah. So like, should I tell K or na? I mean, he may think I'm over analyzing the whole situation OR he may get jealous. So um. I don't know aye. Maybe I'd end up telling him eventually...
Monday, September 27, 2010
Seems Like He's Not Giving Up
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Need Him There For Me...
But the thing was, I wanted to tell K, But he was busy working, and so I didn't want him to worry about me after he read the text and had to go back to work after his break or whatever. Coz I didn't want him to be thinking about me, whether I was OK or not. So I thought it was best not to tell him yet.
Then he finished work about 8pm. And he said that he didn't have to work over time coz the night before he said that he may have to. By then, I was majorly in pain, and I even had to take a little nap. Ijust felt really queasy... Dizzy and just totally unwell. Like I was totally smashed inside -and out, with the tingly feeling. My back started to hurt a lot. I was like, in soo much pain. I could barely move. I was thinking of telling K. But it took him like, an hour to reply each of my texts.. So I thought, 'Why bother?' So I didn't.
But in the end, I told him, just before he called me. And then he asked me, if I blamed him for being a bad boyfriend and that he wasn't there when I needed him. And if I was angry/mad/upset that he wasn't there and that he didn't reply. I was like "No. Of course not. I know you're busy. So yeah."
To be honest, I DID want him to be there for me when I needed him the most. When I needed someone to care and listen to me express my pain and all, regardless of whether they could help me out or not. But he wasn't there when I needed him. Although I understood that he had work. But it was AFTER work that I felt, that he wasn't there for me... But I don't blame him. Coz he didn't even know that I was suffering from bad body pains and a very sore back. So I can't blame him or be too upset at him for that.
Although he said that if I had told him, he would've texted me back faster to see how I was going and all. But then when you think about it, it's like, so that means, if I wasn't in pain or sick or whatever, he wouldn't even bother texting me back until like, an hour or more?
I don't know. Maybe I am asking for too much... I don't know. I just want to see his texts. That's all I need to make my day and make me happy. But.. I guess it can be very hard even though it's not a very hard thing to do... Sigh. I don't know... All I know right now is that, I just want him to be there when I need him the most... But it will be hard I guess. Considering how far apart we live away from each other :(
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
His Ex-Girlfriend
OK. So yes. Maybe there were a couple of things where you could say that we "looked similar". Such as the fact that she wears glasses too and the fact that her face was round like mine. But I think her one was more rounder. I'm not trying to make it sound like I'm wayy better than her. But it's the honest truth. Like... To be honest, I don't want to sound nasty or anything... But I think I look way better than her.
I mean... Come on... How can he say that I look like her. It's ridiculous! D: And uh. In the first photo that he showed me of her, she kind of looked like a man... So I asked him for a better photo of her. He was like, "Oh my God. You seriously want to see another photo of her?" I was like, "Yes..."
So the other photo was better, but honestly, she was quite umm.. How do u say it nicely.. uh. Big? Or maybe it was just the clothing that she was wearing. Coz she was wearing a big puffy jacket. But I don't know.
To be honest, I thought he would have better tastet than that. I thought she'd be quite hot... If not, at least pretty decent, good-looking.. But no... And he said that she was the one that he loved the most out of the 5 girls that he dated. Like, Oh you serious? But I gotta see photos of the other girls to "judge" the one I have seen already.
But oh well. Now he's got me. So it doesn't matter. I guess... :)
Monday, September 20, 2010
No Matter What Happens...
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Like He Don't Care
Like, I would love him to text me back as soon as possible. And he says that he will always be there when I'm down. But it seems like, the person who is and will always be there is R... Although I don't have feelings for him. But even as a friend [or a guy that says he loves/likes me] he seems to always be there for me. Texts me back instantly. Like within 5 minutes. That's very impressive. I'm sorry, but I am going to have to compare R to K...
Coz K... Even when he is not working, he seems to text me back soo slowly, and can even manage to text me back after 2 - 3 hours... And I don't know what or why, but I feel that he doesn't seem to think about me as much as he says he does... I mean, what can he be doing, to not be able to text me back, if not instantly, but within 30 minutes at the least... But no.. It's more than that most of the times.. I feel so.. Neglected? At times..
Like today, I was having a hard, stressful, full-on day at work. And I texted him that I was feeling stressed at work. I just wanted that someone to text me back and comfort me. But no... He doesn't even text me back until like 40 minutes. Right after my break ended. I know, he told me he would be having lunch with his friends. But it was like 3pm... Honestly? How hard was it just to text me back and even saying "Aw. Poor you" would've made me feel better. But no. Nothing. Nothing at all until 40 minutes later...
And yet, when I texted R, he replied instantly. Although, I never told him that I was stressed out at work. But still, at least he replied. He replies faster than my own boyfriend. I just don't know what to say... I know my boyfriend has his own things to do, his own friends, his own life. But still... How hard is it, just to text me back...?
Right now.. I just feel very sad and I'm just totally lost for words. And even now.. I am waiting for him to text me back... In a way.. This is such a painful wait... I make excuses for him, on all the reasons of why he can't text me back. But then... It's starting to make me feel like I'm "suffocating" and it's beginning to be harder for me to believe he loves and care for me that much... And that he cannot be there for me when I really need it. Coz when I do need him there for me, he's not there. And when he finally replies, it's like, I have pretty much gotten over that situation.. So in the end.. It's like, I don't really need him or even need to tell him how I feel......
It's true. All these negative thoughts just start entering my head, and I don't want that. But I cannot help it.. I tell myself that I shouldn't out myself or my feelings too deep into this relationship, coz one day, if anything changes between us, and we may have to part ways... It would be me, that would be suffering and be in pain and hurt from this relationship... But I truly love this guy...
I don't want to pressure him into texting me back instantly. But obviously, it would be nice if he could. But I don't want the people around him to think that his world revolves around his girlfriend and then causing him to lose friends and all coz of me. So... Yeah.. I really should loosen up a bit eh? It's very hard though.. I just want to know what he's doing sometimes. Why he's taking forever to text back. And sometimes, I feel the need to purposely, text him back 40 minutes or an hour or so later.... So that he can have a taste of his own medicine. But even when I do... It seems like, he will do the same, text back minutes or hours later...
I don't know what to think right now..
Friday, September 17, 2010
MEN.....!!
Everything was way too short... as if absolutely nothing happened. Only one or two shots went off, yeah..
But you know, to me, it was a beautiful display of fireworks. It was enough for me I believe. I wanted the show to go on for longer, and to see more fireworks occur. However, if you didn't want to keep the show going, then I will just have to enjoy what was given by you. I will never forget these couple shots of fireworks. It was short, but they were definitely good.Thank you for your time and this wonderful show of fireworks. I'm sorry for being so rude, to ask you to make the show longer. I will go find another person who can show me something better. Forgive me. Good night.
So that's what he said. I mean, I don't get why he would say, "I will go find another person who can show me something better" Coz to me, that sounds like, he is going to find someone that he is going to annoy.. No offence, but that's just what it sounds like.
Either way, I don't know if he is truly, 100% over this whole situation [that involves me] so yeah... I just hope is is and will be soon. Coz I want to be able to talk and hang out with him like we use to, before he started liking me more than a friend and constantly repeating his words and expressions of his feelings towards me. Coz not only is it annoying me, but it's annoying the people around him too. Like R and my sister. So... I do hope he gets back into reality and just get over it.
And I never said that I didn't want to be his friend, from the start, I have said to him that I will be here if he needs me and that I want to keep begin his friends. But at this point, I cannot be friends with him. Well, I am still his friend, but like, you know, I can't really talk to him coz then I may give him the wrong impression again or giving him hope that something may happen. So.. it's best to talk to him when he's 100% over this situation...
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Oh Man..
I really want to like strangle him. He FB me again [private message] saying that he wanted to say something to me and that it may not be important, he doesn't want to say coz he thinks that I don't want to listen. And saying that he is "testing" me to see if I would reply. I was just like [in my head], 'Dude. I ain't going to talk to you unless you are 100% over it. Like this whole situation. Coz it would be pointless to even be replying or talking to him at the moment. Coz if I do, like every other time I reply, the "normal-ness" between us lasts for like, 4 - 5 texts and then he's back to Emo Town! It's like ARRGH! Shut the F*%@ up man!! Just freakin' get over it!
I have told him like abazillion times before, that he shouldn't find/talk/txt/fb me until he is 100% OVER IT! Coz until then, I ain't replying. So, it's tough luck. I made it very clear to him, that I do not like the way he is acting and I just cannot stand it no more. Every time I see somethign from him, it somewhat kills my mood -instantly. I don't know why. But it just does.
If I start talking to him again, he will go emo again, then blame everything on me. Then I start swearing at him and he'd go even more emo or act like he's the "victim" coz he's the one who's hurt and all that crap. I hate it when he does that. Always pull out the "And I'm the one that is hurt and suffering" and all that. It's like MAN. Get over it! GOSSSHHHH!!! He's driving me insane man!
So until he finally gets over it, stops moaning or talking to other people [i.e. My sister] and blogging about how "oh-so-terrible" his freakin' life is! I am NOT going to talk to or reply his messages. He can think negative all he wants. I don't care. Coz telling my sister that if I talk to him, makes him get over the situation faster. Ain't going to work. Coz every time that I did reply/talk to him. It just made our friendship and the atmosphere BAD. And I mean VERY bad! So it's tough luck to him. Deal with it.
The End.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Unwell
Right now, I feel like it's sort of hard to breath -both through my nose and mouth. I think I could stop breathing anytime soon. Haha. I don't even know why I'm sick. I am pretty sure I have been eating healthy and keeping warm. But oh well.. Guess not eh? I just hope i don't get so sick like back in 2008 when I was so sick for a whole week, and had to stay at home and could barely move. Oh that was such a tragic moment of my life. I really hope that I don't get that sick again! I don't have the time to get sick and rest in bed!!
So I have told K that I will show him my blog as our/his one year anniversary present from me. He's so excited and soo curious about it now. I don't really want to show him aye. I mean, I haven't showed anyone. And the reason why I started writting a blog, wasn't to let other people read it [people around me]. It was just to express my feelings and maybe, one day, if anything ever happens to me. They can always find this and read how and what I had been feeling all this time about certain things I guess. Coz I don't really blog about every single little thing that's on my mind.
K keeps saying that he will see me "soon" and when is soon? I thought he wasn't going to come back until like November or something. He seriously better not be coming back this month -whether it's for a day or two! Coz it will be very tiring for him to drive here and then back so soon. I want to see him, but I don't want him to be so tired.
Anyways, I hope I won't get so sick that I have to stay in bed for a week coz I really want to keep working at Valleygirl without coughing and sniffing like mad. And I hope my honey gets better soon as well. Don't want him coughing everywhere and spreading germs haha.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
It's Out
The secret being, that I wasn't suppose to tell K that there is this "big" problem and that I will tell him in a couple of months time. And now he knows, he is very worried and thinks that he may lose me. Which I know he wouldn't. I told him not to worry and that he wouldn't lose me. I told him that when he does find out what it is, he may over-react and like be really unhappy, angry and/or mad. So.. That's why I didn't want to tell him then. And don't really want to tell him. But then again, I don't want to keep any secrets away from him. Coz I think he has the right to know. As it involves not only me. But it sort of does involve him too. Coz I'm his girlfriend and his girlfriend is on the verge of getting taken away from him by his/our friend. Which isn't going to happen by the way. Coz I don't like R that way and my heart is for K and him only.
Yeah, that secret is about R... Liking me. And then coming back to chase me and get me to become his girlfriend after he has found a job and all. I mean, he is even starting to learn to drive, JUST FOR ME! Like, before, he's always like, meh. Whatever. Don't need to learn when you can ask for a taxi. He's pretty much doing a lot just for me. Like, the main reason is coz of me.
I just know that if I told K this, he will be VERY unhappy about it and feel, once again, threatened by him. Coz after that HUGE misuderstanding that happened a couple of days [which is now all sorted coz I emailed K with all my thoughts and feelings in it, he finally believed that I love him, and him only]. So yeah. And before all this, I had already asked K, "What would you do if R asked me out or liked me?" And he was like, "I would probably go have a talk with him." Then I was like, "What if he wanted me to be his girlfriend and started chasig me?" And he was like, "I don't know. Probably go to the extreme. Ask you to marry me." And I was just like [to myself] WHAT! Is he serious??! Like, oh my God... I'm not going to get married anytime soon. I don't even plan to get married anytime soon!
I mean, if I told K in a couple of months time, then R actually comes back to PN and announces that he has officially found a job and all, and then decides or actually tries to chase me and all. Then K would [or might] do as he said, "Asks me to marry him" then I wouldn't know whether I should say 'yes' or 'no'. I mean. It's not like I don't love K. But I jsut don't think he should really go that far just to keep me by his side. You know? I mean, if he has faith in me and himself, then he shouldn't be afraid that I will leave him for R.
Well... Let's just hope there won't be another "WW3" when that time comes... I don't want to be the person stuck in the middle again... *sigh* So when the time does come.. I really do hope that K understands and keeps having that faith and confidence in, not only me, but himself as well..
Friday, September 10, 2010
Sorted
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
2 Guys. 1 Girl.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Video Call
So I'm getting R to try fix it for me. Hopefully he can. Or I'll be really sad. But yeah. Last night, my honey was wearing his new glasses. There were one with [thick] black rims and another one which had half white rim. I REALLY REALLY like the one with the black rims! He looks SOOO hot/sexy/cute and everything! Ahh... I adore him so much now! xD
I can't forget that look. He looks so amazing in them. I don't like the white ones haha. Ah... I miss him already. Oh and he keeps wanting me to send him a kiss. Or "kiss him through the phone". I find that strange.... Haha. I kept saying no. Maybe one day... I'll kiss him through the phone. Today he even asked me to blow him a kiss. I was like, "Er... Na. Too tired from work." Haha.
Oh well. I still love him. Regardless of anything.
Oh yeah. And R told me last night [via text] that he had liked me since March. And I was like, "Erm. What happened in March? What was so special?" And he was like, "I tell you on Monday." Coz I'm going to see him on Monday, before he leaves to go to Auckland for a month to find a job.
So yeah. K was right. R DOES like me. I thought it was just him [R] and his weirdness. Haha. Well.. I don't plan to tell K yet.. Coz if I do.. He won't be happy and now the fact that R is going to Auckland for a month, is probably the worst time to tell K. Coz dunno what he might do or say to R when he's there... So yeah.. Probably tell him when R has come back to PN aye.
Well.. We'll see. For the mean time, I better get on with my freakin' assignment and essay!! ARRGGGH!!! >:/