Thursday, September 30, 2010

Too Good To Be True

My little sister and her boyfriend, B is starting to have some problems. Not that he notices that or anything. But yeah. She has been quite unhappy lately coz of him. And I feel really sorry for her :(

She says that he doesn't put her in first place and that he always put his uni work and his other extra-curriculum activities before her. She said she understands that his school work is important but she doesn't feel that he needs to be so "paranoid" about his extra-curriculum activity(s). He never seems to make time for her. But instead, he only talks/texts/calls her when he has nothing to do. Like you could say that she is a "time-filler" for him.

He doesn't realize this, is maybe because it's his first relationship, he doesn't watch anything that has got to do with love in it. He is a gamer, so love isn't in that equation. He doesn't know how to show his love and care for that 'someone special'. I understand that is hard.

She just wants him to make more time for her, and like me, wants him to text her back ASAP. But it seems like it's even harder for him. He says that he is 'trying to be a good boyfriend' but my sis really does not seem to feel it. Even I, cannot feel it.

Today, she even asked/told me that she is considering about breaking up with him and whether she should or not. I was totally shocked. But in a way, you could see that day coming. Even though she loves him a lot. And he probably does too. But he just doesn't know how to show it. When she sees me and my boyfriend together, or sees/knows the things that my boyfriend does for or to me, she feels jealous that her boyfriend doesn't do that kind for stuff for her. She says that my boyfriend even puts me into his future [regardless of whether we do get married and all[, but with B, he doesn't even say a thing or mention a thing about it. Not even a bit of hope that he thinks about her or having her in his future. She feels really sad about that.

I asked her, she really should think about this. Coz not only is she not able to see him until end of November [he studies in Auckland University] and breaking up over the phone is totally wrong. And people will obviously think she is plain mean. And asked her if she would feel jealous or totally unhappy if she saw him with another girl. She said, "Yeah. Of course. But I'll get over it." I was like, "It's not the matter of being able to get over it. Coz obviously you'll get over it. It's just the pain you'd get when you see/hear that he's got a new girlfriend." She was like, "Hmm..."

So yeah. She ended up bursting into tears when she explained to me how she felt and all. I was like, 'Aww!' But there was nothing I could do. Besides telling her to tell him exactly how she felt and what she wanted/did not want and what she like/did not like about him. I mean, at least, in the end, when things really go downhill, she can at least say that she has already told him or hinted towards him the things she wanted from him.

When I think about myself in my own situation. I think about how happy me and K are together. And sometimes I think that my FIRST real, proper relationship, has turned out to be this good. I have a loving, caring and considerate boyfriend. Who puts me in first place and does sweet and romantic things for me and at the same time, does nice things for my siblings and parents. He's just a perfect boyfriend [minus the height haha] but really, he is the most greatest boyfriend any girl could have. I couldn't ask for more [besides getting him to text me back faster].

I think about whether our relationship can really last long, not that I don't want it to. But isn't this kind of "dream" like, too good to be true?? Like, my older sister, she broke up with her boyfriend #1 and I'm guessing [but hope not] that my younger sister will break up with her first real boyfriend too... I mean, it seems like I'm the only one -right now. With a proper, happy, 'too good to be true' relationship. Like, my relationship seems like it could last until I die. But can it really?

I know that I don't have to follow their "foot steps" in love and all. But this is just seriously too hard to believe when you think about it, right? And from the start of us [me & K] meeting as friends, I have NEVER thought about him becoming my boyfriend. I had NEVER considered him to be my boyfriend and that I'd end up being together with him. But in the end, here I am, his girlfriend.

It's amazing what fate brings to us. I really do hope that my relationship with K last forever until the day we both die. I love him a lot and I think about him and put him into my future as well. I don't want it to end.............

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Mr Emo

So yeah, we're back to the friend who is constantly emo. So recently, he texted me, and asked me how I was and saying that he was hoping to hear from me and a simple "I'm fine thanks" would do. And that he only wants to have a simple conversation. The rest can wait for later in life and that he will be waiting for my reply if I'm willing to reply him.

I didn't text him back, coz mainly, I didn't want to waste my texts on him and so I decided to FB him instead. I did tell R and K about this. R said that I should go for it [replying him] but K said that if the conversation goes any deeper or longer, he may end up being emo again and then I'd get all upset coz of him. So in the end... I Fb-ed him. I just said that "I'm fine thanks. What about you? And a simple coversation would be nice."

According to my older sister, she said that H got all nervous and all when he saw that I had replied him and got all paranoid about it. Saying what if it's the last reply that he ever gets from me. And all that stuff. She and I was like like oh my gosh. Just open it!

So he replied saying, "Me? Don't ask. If you wanna know, ask your sister. She knows everything." And after reading that, I was like, "PSSH! Well sorryyyy! Just too cool, aren't cha?" Like, from my point of view, he just suddenly sounded just too cool for me. Like too cool to even associate with me. But I know, deep down he's still "hurt" or whatever but he's trying to sound like he's OK but at the same time hinting that he's not OK coz he's telling me to ask my sister about him/his feelings/how he is. Which I don't need to, coz my sister told me allll that, way before he texted me. But it's not like I'd ask her even if she hadn't told me.

I didn't reply to his message. Then yesterday, he FB-ed me again. And asking me what I have been up to. And that he has been talking to S and that she said that she misses me. And then he said something about being behind in his assignments, due to "um.. reasons" And I was like, "Pssh. What are you trying to hint? You want me to ask you what those reasons are or what?" But obviously, I didn't say that. I haven't even replied him yet. I kinda forgot to last night.

But whatever. R said that maybe I am thinking too much into this situation [what H is saying] but I think that is definitely what he is trying to hint or imply. But I don't know.. I should reply him aye? I haven't even told K about the result of me replying to H's text.. He never asked and I never bought it up. So yeah... Only R knows about this situation really. Oh and my sister of course.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Should I Tell Him?

Last night, K asked me if there were any guys were chasing me at the moment. And I was like "Erm. No? Not really?" He was like, "OOOH. That means a yes."

To be honest, I wouldn't say there is a guy chasing me. Coz I'm not actually certain that, that guy is going for me...

That guy would be one of my friends, ex-boyfriend. He's called L. And he's like Cambodian or something. And he's just really dodgy in a way and he's creepy [to me and S & Y anyways]. He's also pretty cheap as well. Coz he said that for my friend [his ex-girlfriend] he would get her coke for her birthday. We were all like, 'Oh my gosh! Is he serious?!" But it seemed like he was.

Later on, the broke up and she moved on to another couple of guys. And he was back to his lonely self I guess. And he disappeared for a while.

Until recently, he started talking to me on this other social-networking website called, BEBO. And that was before I started using FB. So I haven't actually been on that site in ages unless I get notifications via email.

So yeah, he just started talking to me. Asking me how I am and that he sort of misses me. And I was just like WHAT?! That is totally weird. Considering I don't even know him that well and we've only seen each other like less than 10 times. And have hardly talked before.

Then he gives me his number, asking me to text him and to maybe meet up with him some time. And I was like, yeah sure. One day. Coz I'm busy these days.

He then adds me on FB! And I was like Oh my Gosh! NOOOO!! So yeah, I haven't actually accepted his request yet.. So yeah. Still thinking about it.

So the point is, I don't know whether I should tell K this or not. But for sure, I have told my best friend S. She knows all about it and is the only one who knows about it. Besides Y, although she hardly goes on FB or replies.

Yeah. So like, should I tell K or na? I mean, he may think I'm over analyzing the whole situation OR he may get jealous. So um. I don't know aye. Maybe I'd end up telling him eventually...


Monday, September 27, 2010

Seems Like He's Not Giving Up

So I had a chat with R last night. Seeing as he randomly called me and K wasn't able to call me last night coz he was working. We talked for like 2hrs 1mins and 3 seconds [haha]. It was indeed a very good conversation. I mean you could say that we hadn't talked like that in ages. So it was good to be able to catch up, even though we had been talking through FB.

He told me that he was going to go for me after he found a job. And by the sounds of it, he doesn't seem to care that I have a boyfriend or not. He's always like, mentioning that "In the future" or "When we go out, I think that..." And you know, it's sort of like, 'Don't you realize that I have a boyfriend right now or something??" But you know, I can't stop him from saying all those things.

I mean I know that he cares for me a lot and all and "LOVES" me. But still. He needs to respect that the fact that I have a boyfriend too. And can't pretend that my boyfriend is invisible... He says that k is the type to get jealous easily. It's true I guess. But then you got to think about the previous relationships that he had before. And the fact that it was him that got hurt in all those relationships that he had. So.. I guess I can't really blame him for being so over-protective or getting jealous easily..

He said that he liked me in March. And that he didn't realize that he ACTUALLY 'love' me until he found out that me and K are going out. And I was like 'Oh...' At that point. I seriously don't know what to say.

Although, it was very nice of him to always be to straight-forward and honest with me. With everything really. But like, it seems like, he still is determined to make me his girlfriend/wife. He said that he when we go out on a date, he promises that he will make it very touching for me. And I asked him why would he do such thing? And he said, "Well you wouldn't want a date to not be touching or romantic, do you?" And I was like, "Well.. True.. But I never said or agreed to go on a date with you..." He was like, "Haha. I don't care."

So yeah.. He apparently does love or like me. So.. I don't know how to bring this up to K... I know he has this really... Big... Bad/negative impression of R. But he should really not take it to heart... And I know that R is a very big threat to K. But sometimes, I think that K needs that kind of threat, to make him care for me more or.. Like show that he cares.

I mean, I don't need K to shower me with gifts and all. But I just want him to be there. Like text me back ASAP. Coz when I text R back, he replies within 5 seconds. It's like WHOA. But it's nice in a way. I mean yeah I know that R doesn't have much to do everyday. But still.. It would be nice if K could make that kind of effort..

Either way, I don't know what else R has in mind to do for/to me. So.. Um.. Yeah... Hopefully k won't be too jealous. Coz there is no way that I am ending or ruining my friendship with R coz of him. I mean, R is a good friend. It's hard to find someone like him [as a friend] I just don't seem to see the 'boyfriend material' side of him or get that feel from him. So K shouldn't really worry too much about me moving on to him [R]. So yeah...

I don't know.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Need Him There For Me...

Yesterday in the late afternoon/early evening, about 5pm, my whole body felt really weird. Like it felt really.. "tingly" Whenever I touch something cold, like a cold surface or something, it makes me/my skin tingle and it's really... Not a nice feeling. And at the same time, I felt like my body was about to collapse. It was really painful. At the same time, I had to go work at my parents' shop. So it was even more painful. Considering how much of a "happy face" I had to put on to not show that I was in pain in front of the customers.

But the thing was, I wanted to tell K, But he was busy working, and so I didn't want him to worry about me after he read the text and had to go back to work after his break or whatever. Coz I didn't want him to be thinking about me, whether I was OK or not. So I thought it was best not to tell him yet.

Then he finished work about 8pm. And he said that he didn't have to work over time coz the night before he said that he may have to. By then, I was majorly in pain, and I even had to take a little nap. Ijust felt really queasy... Dizzy and just totally unwell. Like I was totally smashed inside -and out, with the tingly feeling. My back started to hurt a lot. I was like, in soo much pain. I could barely move. I was thinking of telling K. But it took him like, an hour to reply each of my texts.. So I thought, 'Why bother?' So I didn't.

But in the end, I told him, just before he called me. And then he asked me, if I blamed him for being a bad boyfriend and that he wasn't there when I needed him. And if I was angry/mad/upset that he wasn't there and that he didn't reply. I was like "No. Of course not. I know you're busy. So yeah."

To be honest, I DID want him to be there for me when I needed him the most. When I needed someone to care and listen to me express my pain and all, regardless of whether they could help me out or not. But he wasn't there when I needed him. Although I understood that he had work. But it was AFTER work that I felt, that he wasn't there for me... But I don't blame him. Coz he didn't even know that I was suffering from bad body pains and a very sore back. So I can't blame him or be too upset at him for that.

Although he said that if I had told him, he would've texted me back faster to see how I was going and all. But then when you think about it, it's like, so that means, if I wasn't in pain or sick or whatever, he wouldn't even bother texting me back until like, an hour or more?

I don't know. Maybe I am asking for too much... I don't know. I just want to see his texts. That's all I need to make my day and make me happy. But.. I guess it can be very hard even though it's not a very hard thing to do... Sigh. I don't know... All I know right now is that, I just want him to be there when I need him the most... But it will be hard I guess. Considering how far apart we live away from each other :(

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

His Ex-Girlfriend

He showed me a picture of his ex-girlfriend yesterday, over the phone [3G/video calling] and like... I remember him telling me that she looked like me. But I seriously do not see the resemblance...

OK. So yes. Maybe there were a couple of things where you could say that we "looked similar". Such as the fact that she wears glasses too and the fact that her face was round like mine. But I think her one was more rounder. I'm not trying to make it sound like I'm wayy better than her. But it's the honest truth. Like... To be honest, I don't want to sound nasty or anything... But I think I look way better than her.

I mean... Come on... How can he say that I look like her. It's ridiculous! D: And uh. In the first photo that he showed me of her, she kind of looked like a man... So I asked him for a better photo of her. He was like, "Oh my God. You seriously want to see another photo of her?" I was like, "Yes..."

So the other photo was better, but honestly, she was quite umm.. How do u say it nicely.. uh. Big? Or maybe it was just the clothing that she was wearing. Coz she was wearing a big puffy jacket. But I don't know.

To be honest, I thought he would have better tastet than that. I thought she'd be quite hot... If not, at least pretty decent, good-looking.. But no... And he said that she was the one that he loved the most out of the 5 girls that he dated. Like, Oh you serious? But I gotta see photos of the other girls to "judge" the one I have seen already.

But oh well. Now he's got me. So it doesn't matter. I guess... :)

Monday, September 20, 2010

No Matter What Happens...

No matter what happens, if I see his face, everything seems to be all better... No matter how sad, upset, stressed etc. Just seeing his face, It totally makes me feel happier and forget everything that was unhappy or making me unhappy in my mind.

I guess that is one thing that I love about him.

I sort of hinted/told him [indirectly] about how I was feeling last night. About how when I'm down, I want him to be there for me. And just to text me or comfort me. But in a way... He didn't get it. But I guess it's totally understandable, considering, I wasn't very direct all. He said that he hopes/wishes that he could be right there by my side when I am down. But I told him that wasn't the point. I don't need him to be right there by my side to comfort me.

I understand that we are very far apart right now. And all I ask from his, is to text me back as soon as possible [ASAP]. And to call me/talk to me everyday or night. Just seeing his text, makes me happy. It's enough o make my day. I hate having to wait HOURS for his texts. It's so painful in a way.. Just waiting to hear from someone that you really love...

But seeing him last night [even over the phone] was enough to make me feel better and that I knew that he truly loved me and me only. Made me feel much much better. I love seeing him. Seeing him makes me feel so happy. I don't know why. But it makes me feels so relaxed and relieved...

He said that, if I didn't want him to do something, or wanted him to do something. And if I didn't like or like him doing, I should tell him. And the thing that I really want him to do is, to text me back ASAP. But like, I have already told him that plenty of times. And he has said that he would try. But ... I can't keep telling him. Coz I don't want to give him pressure to check his phone every second.. But he said that is what he wants from me. To tell him what he should/shouldn't do. And to control him. I don't want to control him like that. He has his own freedom and his own life. I don't want to be a control freak... I don't want people around him OR me to think that I am a very controlling girlfriend...

I hope he will understand how I feel one day. All I ask for is for him to text me back ASAP. Is it really that hard to ask for............?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Like He Don't Care

Just.. Sometimes, I feel like he doesn't care about me that much. Maybe it's coz I'm thinking about it too much. Coz I know, deep down, he does care and love me a lot. But then there is that sometimes, where I cannot feel that he loves and cares for me that much... I don't know why... I think this is normal...?

Like, I would love him to text me back as soon as possible. And he says that he will always be there when I'm down. But it seems like, the person who is and will always be there is R... Although I don't have feelings for him. But even as a friend [or a guy that says he loves/likes me] he seems to always be there for me. Texts me back instantly. Like within 5 minutes. That's very impressive. I'm sorry, but I am going to have to compare R to K...

Coz K... Even when he is not working, he seems to text me back soo slowly, and can even manage to text me back after 2 - 3 hours... And I don't know what or why, but I feel that he doesn't seem to think about me as much as he says he does... I mean, what can he be doing, to not be able to text me back, if not instantly, but within 30 minutes at the least... But no.. It's more than that most of the times.. I feel so.. Neglected? At times..

Like today, I was having a hard, stressful, full-on day at work. And I texted him that I was feeling stressed at work. I just wanted that someone to text me back and comfort me. But no... He doesn't even text me back until like 40 minutes. Right after my break ended. I know, he told me he would be having lunch with his friends. But it was like 3pm... Honestly? How hard was it just to text me back and even saying "Aw. Poor you" would've made me feel better. But no. Nothing. Nothing at all until 40 minutes later...

And yet, when I texted R, he replied instantly. Although, I never told him that I was stressed out at work. But still, at least he replied. He replies faster than my own boyfriend. I just don't know what to say... I know my boyfriend has his own things to do, his own friends, his own life. But still... How hard is it, just to text me back...?

Right now.. I just feel very sad and I'm just totally lost for words. And even now.. I am waiting for him to text me back... In a way.. This is such a painful wait... I make excuses for him, on all the reasons of why he can't text me back. But then... It's starting to make me feel like I'm "suffocating" and it's beginning to be harder for me to believe he loves and care for me that much... And that he cannot be there for me when I really need it. Coz when I do need him there for me, he's not there. And when he finally replies, it's like, I have pretty much gotten over that situation.. So in the end.. It's like, I don't really need him or even need to tell him how I feel......

It's true. All these negative thoughts just start entering my head, and I don't want that. But I cannot help it.. I tell myself that I shouldn't out myself or my feelings too deep into this relationship, coz one day, if anything changes between us, and we may have to part ways... It would be me, that would be suffering and be in pain and hurt from this relationship... But I truly love this guy...

I don't want to pressure him into texting me back instantly. But obviously, it would be nice if he could. But I don't want the people around him to think that his world revolves around his girlfriend and then causing him to lose friends and all coz of me. So... Yeah.. I really should loosen up a bit eh? It's very hard though.. I just want to know what he's doing sometimes. Why he's taking forever to text back. And sometimes, I feel the need to purposely, text him back 40 minutes or an hour or so later.... So that he can have a taste of his own medicine. But even when I do... It seems like, he will do the same, text back minutes or hours later...

I don't know what to think right now..

Friday, September 17, 2010

MEN.....!!

So there are mainly two "guy problems" that I have. And one of them does NOT involve my boyfriend.

The first problem is, R. So he likes me. Or loves me. Whatever. But he told his dad that. I was like, Oh my God. You gotta be kidding me! But he said that he can tell his dad everything so yeah... He said that he will come back to PN in mid-October. And if he cannot find a job from now till December. He will go back to HK forever and won't be coming back to NZ. It's sad to heat that. Although it's not like I'm "begging" him to stay and all. But you know, when someone so close to you, leaves and you won't be able to see them, till who knows when, is quite saddening.

I really do hope that he finds a job. I mean, I don't need to see him. Just even talking to him on FB or via text is fine with me. But like, if he was in NZ, it would be easier to communicate with him. he even cried to his dad [on the phone] that he's not going to focus on finding a girlfriend at the moment, and concentrate on finding a job right now. And that things have changed, considering I have a boyfriend now and all. It was really sad when he said that he cried. Coz usually, the R I know, doesn't get so emotional that easily. Always has a smile on his face and is always happy. So hearing that, it was quite sad and I got quite worried about him. But he said he was fine. Which I really hope he is. But he's always looking on the positive side anyways. So I'm sure he'll be fine :)

And the other reason that he doesn't want to leave NZ is coz of his ex-girlfriend.She's in a bit of a state. And I can see that he does care for her, even though he keeps complaining about her and 'bad-mouthing' her to me.

Second problem "male problem" is H obviously. Man, I seriously don't understand him. He private messaged me on FB again, telling me to read his blog, titled "Fireworks" and saying that 'fireworks = happiness/happy' and I was like, erm. OK...? And at the bottom, he wrote that he's not implying or saying that he doesn't want to be friends or that he's saying goodbye forever. He's just expressing his feelings. So I read his blog as usual. And this is what he wrote:

"Dear friend

Everything was way too short... as if absolutely nothing happened. Only one or two shots went off, yeah..

But you know, to me, it was a beautiful display of fireworks. It was enough for me I believe. I wanted the show to go on for longer, and to see more fireworks occur. However, if you didn't want to keep the show going, then I will just have to enjoy what was given by you. I will never forget these couple shots of fireworks. It was short, but they were definitely good.

Thank you for your time and this wonderful show of fireworks. I'm sorry for being so rude, to ask you to make the show longer. I will go find another person who can show me something better. Forgive me. Good night.

H"

So that's what he said. I mean, I don't get why he would say, "I will go find another person who can show me something better" Coz to me, that sounds like, he is going to find someone that he is going to annoy.. No offence, but that's just what it sounds like.

Either way, I don't know if he is truly, 100% over this whole situation [that involves me] so yeah... I just hope is is and will be soon. Coz I want to be able to talk and hang out with him like we use to, before he started liking me more than a friend and constantly repeating his words and expressions of his feelings towards me. Coz not only is it annoying me, but it's annoying the people around him too. Like R and my sister. So... I do hope he gets back into reality and just get over it.

And I never said that I didn't want to be his friend, from the start, I have said to him that I will be here if he needs me and that I want to keep begin his friends. But at this point, I cannot be friends with him. Well, I am still his friend, but like, you know, I can't really talk to him coz then I may give him the wrong impression again or giving him hope that something may happen. So.. it's best to talk to him when he's 100% over this situation...


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Oh Man..

Remember H? Yeah, that's right. Him again. Man. He is soo annoying. What is up with him and his gay thoughts as well as his "I-like-to-blame-everything-on-Q"?? He says he's not blaming me. But all the things that he says, are all directed and pointing towards ME! And the fact that it's ALL my fault!! Like what the hell man?? I think it's about time he build a bridge and got over it. Na. he should've done that ages ago. It's getting sooo annoying.

I really want to like strangle him. He FB me again [private message] saying that he wanted to say something to me and that it may not be important, he doesn't want to say coz he thinks that I don't want to listen. And saying that he is "testing" me to see if I would reply. I was just like [in my head], 'Dude. I ain't going to talk to you unless you are 100% over it. Like this whole situation. Coz it would be pointless to even be replying or talking to him at the moment. Coz if I do, like every other time I reply, the "normal-ness" between us lasts for like, 4 - 5 texts and then he's back to Emo Town! It's like ARRGH! Shut the F*%@ up man!! Just freakin' get over it!

I have told him like abazillion times before, that he shouldn't find/talk/txt/fb me until he is 100% OVER IT! Coz until then, I ain't replying. So, it's tough luck. I made it very clear to him, that I do not like the way he is acting and I just cannot stand it no more. Every time I see somethign from him, it somewhat kills my mood -instantly. I don't know why. But it just does.

If I start talking to him again, he will go emo again, then blame everything on me. Then I start swearing at him and he'd go even more emo or act like he's the "victim" coz he's the one who's hurt and all that crap. I hate it when he does that. Always pull out the "And I'm the one that is hurt and suffering" and all that. It's like MAN. Get over it! GOSSSHHHH!!! He's driving me insane man!

So until he finally gets over it, stops moaning or talking to other people [i.e. My sister] and blogging about how "oh-so-terrible" his freakin' life is! I am NOT going to talk to or reply his messages. He can think negative all he wants. I don't care. Coz telling my sister that if I talk to him, makes him get over the situation faster. Ain't going to work. Coz every time that I did reply/talk to him. It just made our friendship and the atmosphere BAD. And I mean VERY bad! So it's tough luck to him. Deal with it.

The End.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Unwell

It's amazing how we both can be at different places and can get sick at the same time. We both got sore throats last Thursday. And he got the coughs as well. I just had a sore throat all through till yesterday/last night. Then I ended up with a sudden blocked/runny nose and a headache. Like I feel so dizzy. And then he texts me saying that he's got a runny/blocked nose as well. It's like wow. Amazing. This is the second time K got sick this year. Geez he's got a weak immune system! Haha.

Right now, I feel like it's sort of hard to breath -both through my nose and mouth. I think I could stop breathing anytime soon. Haha. I don't even know why I'm sick. I am pretty sure I have been eating healthy and keeping warm. But oh well.. Guess not eh? I just hope i don't get so sick like back in 2008 when I was so sick for a whole week, and had to stay at home and could barely move. Oh that was such a tragic moment of my life. I really hope that I don't get that sick again! I don't have the time to get sick and rest in bed!!

So I have told K that I will show him my blog as our/his one year anniversary present from me. He's so excited and soo curious about it now. I don't really want to show him aye. I mean, I haven't showed anyone. And the reason why I started writting a blog, wasn't to let other people read it [people around me]. It was just to express my feelings and maybe, one day, if anything ever happens to me. They can always find this and read how and what I had been feeling all this time about certain things I guess. Coz I don't really blog about every single little thing that's on my mind.

K keeps saying that he will see me "soon" and when is soon? I thought he wasn't going to come back until like November or something. He seriously better not be coming back this month -whether it's for a day or two! Coz it will be very tiring for him to drive here and then back so soon. I want to see him, but I don't want him to be so tired.

Anyways, I hope I won't get so sick that I have to stay in bed for a week coz I really want to keep working at Valleygirl without coughing and sniffing like mad. And I hope my honey gets better soon as well. Don't want him coughing everywhere and spreading germs haha.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

It's Out

So the "secret" it out. Well sort of anyways. Like, half of it. I mean, I tried not to let it out... But I somehow.... Manages to let it out... I guess it just came out and so I let it slip. Just like that. *sigh*

The secret being, that I wasn't suppose to tell K that there is this "big" problem and that I will tell him in a couple of months time. And now he knows, he is very worried and thinks that he may lose me. Which I know he wouldn't. I told him not to worry and that he wouldn't lose me. I told him that when he does find out what it is, he may over-react and like be really unhappy, angry and/or mad. So.. That's why I didn't want to tell him then. And don't really want to tell him. But then again, I don't want to keep any secrets away from him. Coz I think he has the right to know. As it involves not only me. But it sort of does involve him too. Coz I'm his girlfriend and his girlfriend is on the verge of getting taken away from him by his/our friend. Which isn't going to happen by the way. Coz I don't like R that way and my heart is for K and him only.

Yeah, that secret is about R... Liking me. And then coming back to chase me and get me to become his girlfriend after he has found a job and all. I mean, he is even starting to learn to drive, JUST FOR ME! Like, before, he's always like, meh. Whatever. Don't need to learn when you can ask for a taxi. He's pretty much doing a lot just for me. Like, the main reason is coz of me.

I just know that if I told K this, he will be VERY unhappy about it and feel, once again, threatened by him. Coz after that HUGE misuderstanding that happened a couple of days [which is now all sorted coz I emailed K with all my thoughts and feelings in it, he finally believed that I love him, and him only]. So yeah. And before all this, I had already asked K, "What would you do if R asked me out or liked me?" And he was like, "I would probably go have a talk with him." Then I was like, "What if he wanted me to be his girlfriend and started chasig me?" And he was like, "I don't know. Probably go to the extreme. Ask you to marry me." And I was just like [to myself] WHAT! Is he serious??! Like, oh my God... I'm not going to get married anytime soon. I don't even plan to get married anytime soon!

I mean, if I told K in a couple of months time, then R actually comes back to PN and announces that he has officially found a job and all, and then decides or actually tries to chase me and all. Then K would [or might] do as he said, "Asks me to marry him" then I wouldn't know whether I should say 'yes' or 'no'. I mean. It's not like I don't love K. But I jsut don't think he should really go that far just to keep me by his side. You know? I mean, if he has faith in me and himself, then he shouldn't be afraid that I will leave him for R.

Well... Let's just hope there won't be another "WW3" when that time comes... I don't want to be the person stuck in the middle again... *sigh* So when the time does come.. I really do hope that K understands and keeps having that faith and confidence in, not only me, but himself as well..

Friday, September 10, 2010

Sorted

So me and my boyfriend has finally [pretty much] sorted out this whole situation that has been causing him to not believe that my feelings are not 100% towards him and now he knows how I really feel towards him through all this time. I'm glad we got it out of the way. Now he has faith in himself, and now I know that he trusts my love for him.

I love him so much. I feel happy when I talk to him. It's lovely. I really want to hug and put my head on his shoulder. It's such a good feeling :)

Last night [viz text] we were like talking about out future together. Having kids and who is going be the strict/scary parent and who is going to be the nice parent.And where we were going to live in Auckland. Oh ... It was such a lovely talk. It made me wanna live with him like REAL. SOON. But I know, we've got a long way to go before we actually get engaged, married and then start our 'new' lives as parents and have kids.

It's such an amazing feeling just thinking into the future, knowing that there is someone who is there for you all the time and loves you, and you only. I love the way how he is so caring, considerate, loving and so respectful towards not only me, but my parents, grandparents and aunty [in Auckland]. It makes me smile just thinking how kind he is towards all the people around me.

He pretty much knows and have met all the that's people around me [or is 'in my world'] but I still got a long way to go. I haven't met any of his friends in Auckland. Although I have met his parents and sister. But like, I know I got a long way to go and that he really wants me to meet his parents and introduce me to them as his girlfriend [coz he's only introduced me to them as his friend only]. So... Yeah. But you know, I'm not very good at talking to adults. Coz i don't know what to talk about, and I get all nervous, wanting them to like me and have a good impression of me.

So... I don't know. We'll go with the flow and see how it goes when I finally have to see his dad [with him] and have dinner at his place with them. Oh I'm scared already. Scared and nervous!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

2 Guys. 1 Girl.

So me and K were having another talk over the phone again last night. And in a way, it sorted ended up badly again. Like, we had another "serious talk" again.

I ended up telling him that R does things that touch people's [girls] heart whereas he [K] doesn't really do so. I mean, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to compare them. Like... I didn't know what else to say after that so.. Yeah.. I ended up comparing them. K didn't like that. Started lecturing me about it. Saying his usual lines, "If you ever decide that R is the one for you" or "If one day, you leave me, I will know why." And stuff like that. And it is like so... Irritating!! >:O I hate it when he says that.

I mean, how many times do I have to say that I will not leave him for R?? I mean, Just coz I said that the things that R does is very touching, doesn't mean that I will fall for it or start to have feelings for him. Coz to me, R is just like my BFF [Best friend forever] or just a very close friend. I just cannot see us together. It's like EH. Ew. When I think about it.

But he just doesn't understand. SIGH. And sometimes I get that feeling where he doesn't trust me when I tell him that I don't like R that way. To K, R is seriously his BIGGEST threat. When really, I don't like him that way.

And another thing is... [I haven't told K yet] But I think I may have already mentioned this. R actually has feelings for me since March. So... Um... Yeah. And he said that, when he has found a job [in Auckland or NZ] he will come back for me and try to "woo" me or "chase" me. I kept saying, Right. Or that I'm already taken. He's just like, "Yep. For now." And I'm like SIGH. He just doesn't get the fact that I don't like him that way and that I already love my boyfriend a lot.

Well.. I guess I will tell K that R has feelings for me and that he will be "going after me" when he has found a job and has learnt to drive. Coz he is learning to drive now. And he said, that it's coz of me. I was like, OK....

So yeah. I'm like stuck between 2 guys. I have no idea what to do. But all I know is, that I love my boyfriend, K a lot. And I don't intend on leaving him for R or any other guy. I am going to stay faithful to K. Coz I know he is staying faithful to me and loves me, and me only :)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Video Call

Last night he video called me. Although, my stupid [Nokia] e63 wasn't really working properly, coz the camera only showed him but not me. And when I changed my sim to my [Nokia] n97, the 3G signal died. And I was like, "WHAT?!" That was one tragic video calling :(

So I'm getting R to try fix it for me. Hopefully he can. Or I'll be really sad. But yeah. Last night, my honey was wearing his new glasses. There were one with [thick] black rims and another one which had half white rim. I REALLY REALLY like the one with the black rims! He looks SOOO hot/sexy/cute and everything! Ahh... I adore him so much now! xD

I can't forget that look. He looks so amazing in them. I don't like the white ones haha. Ah... I miss him already. Oh and he keeps wanting me to send him a kiss. Or "kiss him through the phone". I find that strange.... Haha. I kept saying no. Maybe one day... I'll kiss him through the phone. Today he even asked me to blow him a kiss. I was like, "Er... Na. Too tired from work." Haha.

Oh well. I still love him. Regardless of anything.

Oh yeah. And R told me last night [via text] that he had liked me since March. And I was like, "Erm. What happened in March? What was so special?" And he was like, "I tell you on Monday." Coz I'm going to see him on Monday, before he leaves to go to Auckland for a month to find a job.

So yeah. K was right. R DOES like me. I thought it was just him [R] and his weirdness. Haha. Well.. I don't plan to tell K yet.. Coz if I do.. He won't be happy and now the fact that R is going to Auckland for a month, is probably the worst time to tell K. Coz dunno what he might do or say to R when he's there... So yeah.. Probably tell him when R has come back to PN aye.

Well.. We'll see. For the mean time, I better get on with my freakin' assignment and essay!! ARRGGGH!!! >:/

Friday, September 3, 2010

Weird...

You know, after that night that I introduced and let J know that me and K are going out. He seems to be acting a tad weird...

Like, he keeps asking me about K and when he's coming back, whether he wants to go out [at night and party/go clubbing] with him and all. I've told him many times, "No" but he still won't give up. And like, now that J is in Auckland, he is making, well asking K to go out with him at night along with his [J's friends] and I was like, no. He's got work in the weekends. But he just won't give up aye. He even added him on FB and started [private] messaging him about it. Like WHAT? Just get over it. No is no. And K will listen to me, if I told him not to go.

Man, what is he up to? Why does he keep trying to get close to my boyfriend?? I mean we all think that he still likes me and all. But honestly? Leave my boyfriend out of this. And stop trying to get close to him or whatever he is trying to do. It's annoying. I don't want anything to happen to my honey.

I've told K not to give his number to J. I just can't explain to him why, but like, I just have this uneasy feeling about this. Even S [my girl best friend] thinks that J is up to something.... And agrees that K shouldn't give his number to J. Like, Phew. I thought I was just over reacting or over thinking the situation. Glad it's not just me!!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Now You're Gone

He left this morning. Last night, was just tragic. Saying our last goodbye's before he left. I even cried. I was just so sad :( Even now, thinking about it makes me so sad and emotion-less.. It's so hard.

Yesterday, we managed to buy each other a "couple ring" at Pascoes. Mine was this pink and white diamond one and his one was just a plain silver ring. Although, it wasn't very expensive, [like $100+] it was still good to know that there is something to remind me of him. But at times... When I do look at it, it makes me wanna cry... Coz it just brings back all the memories we had during the past 3 weeks that we spent together.

Although, during our past 3 weeks, we have been through a lot. Good and bad.

The bad: Getting into arguments and disagreements, having "serious talks", getting in trouble with my parents and having him worry about it too much.
The good: Spending everyday together, having lunch together, seeing him everyday -before and after work, having our heart-to-heart talks, having "fun" with him... [nothing dodgy ok?], him buying me that lovely pink bag and that special ring :)

I miss him so much. Now that he is gone, and won't be back for a while, and even when he does come back, he won't be staying for long. I feel that a piece of me is missing. Like, I have to adjust to a "new" lifestyle. And not only that, I have no one to hug, kiss, hold hands with and cuddle or lean on. I really miss all that.

When I see a couple, I think about my honey. I love and miss him so much. But then again, you could say it's a good thing that he doesn't live in the same city as me. Coz I do need my personal space and so does he. We will both have time to do our own thing without having to think about seeing each other or making time for each other. I will be waiting for him to come back. Though it's hard not being able to see him, but I know, deep down, I will think of him, and him only.