It's Out

So the "secret" it out. Well sort of anyways. Like, half of it. I mean, I tried not to let it out... But I somehow.... Manages to let it out... I guess it just came out and so I let it slip. Just like that. *sigh*

The secret being, that I wasn't suppose to tell K that there is this "big" problem and that I will tell him in a couple of months time. And now he knows, he is very worried and thinks that he may lose me. Which I know he wouldn't. I told him not to worry and that he wouldn't lose me. I told him that when he does find out what it is, he may over-react and like be really unhappy, angry and/or mad. So.. That's why I didn't want to tell him then. And don't really want to tell him. But then again, I don't want to keep any secrets away from him. Coz I think he has the right to know. As it involves not only me. But it sort of does involve him too. Coz I'm his girlfriend and his girlfriend is on the verge of getting taken away from him by his/our friend. Which isn't going to happen by the way. Coz I don't like R that way and my heart is for K and him only.

Yeah, that secret is about R... Liking me. And then coming back to chase me and get me to become his girlfriend after he has found a job and all. I mean, he is even starting to learn to drive, JUST FOR ME! Like, before, he's always like, meh. Whatever. Don't need to learn when you can ask for a taxi. He's pretty much doing a lot just for me. Like, the main reason is coz of me.

I just know that if I told K this, he will be VERY unhappy about it and feel, once again, threatened by him. Coz after that HUGE misuderstanding that happened a couple of days [which is now all sorted coz I emailed K with all my thoughts and feelings in it, he finally believed that I love him, and him only]. So yeah. And before all this, I had already asked K, "What would you do if R asked me out or liked me?" And he was like, "I would probably go have a talk with him." Then I was like, "What if he wanted me to be his girlfriend and started chasig me?" And he was like, "I don't know. Probably go to the extreme. Ask you to marry me." And I was just like [to myself] WHAT! Is he serious??! Like, oh my God... I'm not going to get married anytime soon. I don't even plan to get married anytime soon!

I mean, if I told K in a couple of months time, then R actually comes back to PN and announces that he has officially found a job and all, and then decides or actually tries to chase me and all. Then K would [or might] do as he said, "Asks me to marry him" then I wouldn't know whether I should say 'yes' or 'no'. I mean. It's not like I don't love K. But I jsut don't think he should really go that far just to keep me by his side. You know? I mean, if he has faith in me and himself, then he shouldn't be afraid that I will leave him for R.

Well... Let's just hope there won't be another "WW3" when that time comes... I don't want to be the person stuck in the middle again... *sigh* So when the time does come.. I really do hope that K understands and keeps having that faith and confidence in, not only me, but himself as well..