This afternoon, when I walked into my room after washing my hair, I saw a parcel on my bed. It was in a box. From K. I was sort of in a rush to go out so I did everything and got ready before I opened it.
When I did open it, the first thing I saw was a piece of paper which on it, he wrote that he was sorry for the delay and that he should've given this to me in person, but this took time. I was like, aww! And then I looked further into it. I saw this "Me to you" [teddy bear] key ring! The teddy bear was holding a blanket. It was so cute! I put that with the rest of my soft toys on the side of my bed. And then the next thing was I saw a nice pretty pink box and underneath there was a pink envelope.
In the envelope was a card, a birthday card. There was this bit where he wrote that he was sorry that he couldn't be there for my birthday but he will be there for my birthday next year, and the next and the next and forever.
It was so sweet. The whole time that I was opening and reading everything, I smiled the whole way through. He is just so sweet! I wish there was another word to describe him with more than the word "sweet" but there isn't. Not that I can think of anyways (haha).
And yesterday afternoon, as we were talking, we ended up talking about having kids together. (random, I know). And considering the fact that me and him aren't even going out yet, it's strange but funny. And was such an intersting topic to talk about with him.
I found out that he wants a boy and a girl -just like me! And that he also wants twins -just like me, again! I was like to him, wow, it's so freaky that we think so alike all of a sudden. And then he was like, it must be fate for us to be together. And I just laughed and smiled at that. It's amazing that there IS someone out there who thinks if not the same, similar to me. I'm so surprised and amazed at the same time! He said that he only wanted to have babies with me, coz he knows that they will be the most beautiful children in the world. I was like AWW! So cute! (although we are not even going out yet or enganged haha) but still cute. Not many guys think about marriage -BEFORE they even go out! (haha).
Aww! He makes me miss him more and more by the day. I want to hug him and be in his arms soo bad!! I want him to come back to PN SOON!! I want to see him!!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
My "Dream" Guy
Remember how last night he asked me who I liked and I told him that this special person changed the way I think about love and relationships etc.? Yeah, well it seems like he really has no clue that this special guy is him!! You don't know how much I wanted to like yell out to him that the "dream guy" was HIM!! OMGOSH!! ><
I like gave him "hints" telling him, that I want and am waiting for my "dream guy" to ask me face-to-face -that is IF he asks. So yeah, and then he told me that if my "dream guy" rejects me coz he (K) told me to go for it, he (K) said that he'd still be waiting for me. I was like aww! But I told him that if he doesn't go for the girl he wants, and just sits there doing nothing, then the girl that he wants will get taken by some other guy.
He said that it's true. And told me to wait for him to ask me. I was like 'Haha. Ok.' Then he was like, what if by the time I come back, and I see you with your dream guy? I was thinking to myself, 'Yeah, and that guy would be you. Hahaha!!' But I didn't say that, I just said to him, I'd wait for him and to not worry about me accepting from my "dream guy".
He asked me why I didn't go for it [with my dream guy] and I was like, I don't ask guys out, I like it the traditional way. Guy ask girl. And that if he does find another girl, then I will be fine with it. Though I'd be sad inside. He said that, if I liked some other guy and was going out with him, he wouldn't mind, coz he knows that I am in his heart and that if I'm happy, he's happy. That was soo touching.
Oh I love him so much. I don't know so much about love, but I know that, no matter how much I think about him, I will not get sick of him. I mean, yeah, sometimes I do get sick of thinking about him. I think it's mainly because of the fact, that I can't see him and like remember his face. It's so hard! I try so hard to remember his face -like clearly, not a blurry and unclear vision.
I keep thinking back to that last night that we hugged for such a longggg time when I was in Auckland. That was the best memory of us together so far. Such a good memory. When I think about him a lot, and all the things he said and texted me, I start to miss him SOOO much, that I start to have tears swelling up in my eyes :'( I want to hug him, I want to be in his arms like that night again. I miss him -so bad...
I like gave him "hints" telling him, that I want and am waiting for my "dream guy" to ask me face-to-face -that is IF he asks. So yeah, and then he told me that if my "dream guy" rejects me coz he (K) told me to go for it, he (K) said that he'd still be waiting for me. I was like aww! But I told him that if he doesn't go for the girl he wants, and just sits there doing nothing, then the girl that he wants will get taken by some other guy.
He said that it's true. And told me to wait for him to ask me. I was like 'Haha. Ok.' Then he was like, what if by the time I come back, and I see you with your dream guy? I was thinking to myself, 'Yeah, and that guy would be you. Hahaha!!' But I didn't say that, I just said to him, I'd wait for him and to not worry about me accepting from my "dream guy".
He asked me why I didn't go for it [with my dream guy] and I was like, I don't ask guys out, I like it the traditional way. Guy ask girl. And that if he does find another girl, then I will be fine with it. Though I'd be sad inside. He said that, if I liked some other guy and was going out with him, he wouldn't mind, coz he knows that I am in his heart and that if I'm happy, he's happy. That was soo touching.
Oh I love him so much. I don't know so much about love, but I know that, no matter how much I think about him, I will not get sick of him. I mean, yeah, sometimes I do get sick of thinking about him. I think it's mainly because of the fact, that I can't see him and like remember his face. It's so hard! I try so hard to remember his face -like clearly, not a blurry and unclear vision.
I keep thinking back to that last night that we hugged for such a longggg time when I was in Auckland. That was the best memory of us together so far. Such a good memory. When I think about him a lot, and all the things he said and texted me, I start to miss him SOOO much, that I start to have tears swelling up in my eyes :'( I want to hug him, I want to be in his arms like that night again. I miss him -so bad...
Monday, June 28, 2010
New Job and All
So today was my first day working at Valleygirl in the Plaza. And what I can tell you, is that it was absolutely FUN! I totally loved it. I got to dress up mannequins! That's like a dream come true! Felt like I was a stylist! Love that feeling! xD I soo cannot wait till the next time I work there - which is this Thursday! But first of all, I still need to write my resignatio letter to McDonalds hahaha. Oh dear. How I'm gonna miss everybody there :( But the girls at Valleygirl are awesome and so damn friendly as well. So doesn't really matter about leaving McDonalds, right? Considering we weren't all that close anyways. But I'll still miss them and I still love McDonalds!!
Anyways! The whole time that I was working, besides thinking about where everything goes and gathering all the information that my store manager (SM) gave me and told me, I thought about K. Oh, he is totally my motivator! Thinking about him gives me the motivaton to do good and to be happy and all smiley. Though one thing today that even thinking about K didn't work, was seeing H. Gosh. I felt like so annoyed seeing him today. Like, I don'tknow why, but I just soo did not want to see or talk to him aye.
But I just pretended that it was nothing and told him I'm OK for like the 100th time! But that's not the point. So I finished @ 5pm and got a text from K at 2.05pm and I got so excited (haha) but then I knew that he would be working about that time.So I had to wait aaaggeess for him to text me back.
He asked me who I liked, and I told him that it was a secret. But I'd tell him when he comes back to PN. And told him that before I didn't like anyone, but this person changed me. (And obviously, this person is him. himself -but he doesn't know yet hehe). He asked me how this person changed me and said that this person must be special [to me].
I mean, yes. He did change me. For a start, I don't go checking out all the guys around me and thinking of them as potential boyfriend's and all. I only have eyes for him. My heart belongs to him, and him only. Coz before, when I like someone, I still go checking out other guys and thinking, "Hmm... He's not bad. He could be on my list too!" And develop a crush on another guy and then another -if there is another one and so on. But for K, there's something about him that made me think of him, and just him only. Like coz of him, I have finally made up my mind and settled in/on for smebody rather than finding potentials coz this guy doesn't have this in him and that guy doesn't havewhat that guy has in him etc. So, that's one thing and the most important thing that he changed about me.
He also made me think differently on the word/s 'love' or 'liking someone'. Like... When you like someone, you like thm for who they are and accepting them for who they are. I mean, yes, I know he's not the mos good-looking guy out there and certainly not the tallest. But hey! I have totally accpeted that and obviously, looks AREN'T everything. It's the inside that counts. And I guess coz of his 'mysteriousness' I want to like be a huge part of his world and like to find thigns out about him, which makes this... "excitement" so good, I guess?
And he also has changed the way I think, when it comes to doing things for others. Coz usually I wouldn't put that one guy, in first place and think "anything for him" plus a smile. It would always be "Oh who caresss.... It's only a guyyy....!" And shrug it off. But now, not only is he the only guy on my mind all the time, he is also the guy that I put in first place (besides family and all).
I guess there are other things. But these are the ones I can think of now. And the first point is the most important in ANY [love] relationship. To love that person, and only that person. And I'm glad he could get me to change my mind like that -without him even noticing. He sure has the power! (haha).
Anyways! The whole time that I was working, besides thinking about where everything goes and gathering all the information that my store manager (SM) gave me and told me, I thought about K. Oh, he is totally my motivator! Thinking about him gives me the motivaton to do good and to be happy and all smiley. Though one thing today that even thinking about K didn't work, was seeing H. Gosh. I felt like so annoyed seeing him today. Like, I don'tknow why, but I just soo did not want to see or talk to him aye.
But I just pretended that it was nothing and told him I'm OK for like the 100th time! But that's not the point. So I finished @ 5pm and got a text from K at 2.05pm and I got so excited (haha) but then I knew that he would be working about that time.So I had to wait aaaggeess for him to text me back.
He asked me who I liked, and I told him that it was a secret. But I'd tell him when he comes back to PN. And told him that before I didn't like anyone, but this person changed me. (And obviously, this person is him. himself -but he doesn't know yet hehe). He asked me how this person changed me and said that this person must be special [to me].
I mean, yes. He did change me. For a start, I don't go checking out all the guys around me and thinking of them as potential boyfriend's and all. I only have eyes for him. My heart belongs to him, and him only. Coz before, when I like someone, I still go checking out other guys and thinking, "Hmm... He's not bad. He could be on my list too!" And develop a crush on another guy and then another -if there is another one and so on. But for K, there's something about him that made me think of him, and just him only. Like coz of him, I have finally made up my mind and settled in/on for smebody rather than finding potentials coz this guy doesn't have this in him and that guy doesn't havewhat that guy has in him etc. So, that's one thing and the most important thing that he changed about me.
He also made me think differently on the word/s 'love' or 'liking someone'. Like... When you like someone, you like thm for who they are and accepting them for who they are. I mean, yes, I know he's not the mos good-looking guy out there and certainly not the tallest. But hey! I have totally accpeted that and obviously, looks AREN'T everything. It's the inside that counts. And I guess coz of his 'mysteriousness' I want to like be a huge part of his world and like to find thigns out about him, which makes this... "excitement" so good, I guess?
And he also has changed the way I think, when it comes to doing things for others. Coz usually I wouldn't put that one guy, in first place and think "anything for him" plus a smile. It would always be "Oh who caresss.... It's only a guyyy....!" And shrug it off. But now, not only is he the only guy on my mind all the time, he is also the guy that I put in first place (besides family and all).
I guess there are other things. But these are the ones I can think of now. And the first point is the most important in ANY [love] relationship. To love that person, and only that person. And I'm glad he could get me to change my mind like that -without him even noticing. He sure has the power! (haha).
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Confession
He confessed to me last night. Like finally!! The moment that I have been waiting for! Even though he told me through text. It was just so touching and made me feel so special to him.
So I told him about that girl acussing me of trying to 'steal' her boyfriend. He gave me a lot of advice and solutions to solve this problem. I mean, even he felt it was strange that the girl suddenly asked if we could be friends. But the sad thing was, that talking about this bought him back some very painful memories. I felt so bad when he told me that. I wanted to help him through it. But knowing that he won't tell and 'bring up the past' is going to be hard. He apologized that he couldn't be here for me. And said that he was happy that I told him about this problem but he couldn't do anything to ake me happy again.
He's so sweet. He concuded that it was the guy's fault for talking to another girl instead of his girlfriend. I asked him, is it wrong to talk with the opposite sex if you are in a relationship. He gave me this very good and satisfying answer, Which was, "What I think is that when in a relationship, both male and female shout meet each others friends. One way it shows that they are in a relationship infront of friends. Second show the other friends that might have and interest in him or her that he or she is already taken. And all that could eliminate jealousy between the two when tlking to the opposite sex." I really like this explaination. I then asked him, what if the couple lived in different places? Like one live in Auckland and the other live in PN? Then how will they be able to meet each others friends? He then replied with another satisfying answer. "Then you should have photos taken together. Then they will understand."
I guess with all his answers are satisfying to me, coz this is probably something that I have been wanting to hear from someone else other than myself. Coz now I know, that there is someone else who thinks like me (when in a relationship).
Then he tells me, "You know, I can see you have a lot of males that have fallen for you, because of your openess, attractiveness, kindness, caringness." I was like, "Whoa, how did you know?? Like how can you tell?" He then said, "You really want to know?" And of course I told him that I did [want to know]. He replied with "Because you are who you are." I got a bit confused with that, so I asked him what that meant. He then said, "Do you remember sometime ago. When I asked you, How come you don't have a boyfriend? You reply you don't want one yet. Do you remember that?" I was like, yeah... But what does that got to do with anything? (Answering my question).
He then repeated the question of 'You really want to know, don't you?' I told him once again, I did want to know. He replied with a :) and I was like... literally dot dot dot + - _ -; face (haha). But I just told him that it doesn't answer my question and that he should tell me coz I wanted to know. So he then replied with a full answer. A very good answer. I loved it. Which was:
"I know you have a lot of male problems because I also have fallen for you. I don't know when it happened, but every time I see you my heart beats fast, and when I don't se you I think of you. I wanted ask you to give me a chance, give us a chance. But I'm afraid of losing you and the bond between us. And also your reply to the question."
After reading that, I felt SOO touched. Like, it was happy as well as surprised. My eyes started to swell up tears. Tears of happiness not sadness. I just couldn't stop smiling. My face turned all red. I mean, just imagine him telling me this face-to-face. I'd be so.. embarassed -but in a good way. If you know what I mean. I replied if he wanted to know the truth and the answer. He replied that he was afraid. I told him to to be afraid and that if he wanted, I'd tell him the answer and the truth whenever he is ready. He said that he is happy that im here for him when he is unhappy and sad. I told him that, I have already told him that I will always be here for him. Always. He told me that I was sweet and that he didn't want to lose me. I said to him that he would never lose me. And to trust me on that. He just replied that he he misses me right now. I was like AWW! Miss you too! And I mean it.
Then he said that he's going to sleep now coz the more he talks to me the more he misses me. And that he needs to control this feeling because if one day, I leave him, he will lose everything. I felt so sad to hear that. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted him to text me day and night (when possible). I don't want him to control his feelings. I want it to grow like the feelings that I have for him too.
But now he knows that I will ALWAYS be here for him. No matter what. He promised me that he will tell me everything that is on his mind. Whether it's happy things or unhappy things. I just want to be there for him and want him to know that I will always be here for him, whenever he feels lonely or sad and needs someone that he can turn to and comfort him or share his happiness with.
I'm so happy that he doesn't want to lose the bond that we have as well. Coz like I said before, I want to keep our bond and make it stronger rather than having it to be distanced again and having to 'rebuild' that closeness again.
That whole time, all I wanted was him to be right with me. I wanted to hug him and lean on him. I can't wait till he comes back to PN. Though I know it will be a while... Like maybe in July/August. That is such a long wait... I want to see him right now and talk to him. I want to be with him. I just want him.. So bad.. I miss him so much. I hope he won't forget about me too much during the next couple of months. Coz I know I won't. He's changed me. And he, is the only one in my heart.
So I told him about that girl acussing me of trying to 'steal' her boyfriend. He gave me a lot of advice and solutions to solve this problem. I mean, even he felt it was strange that the girl suddenly asked if we could be friends. But the sad thing was, that talking about this bought him back some very painful memories. I felt so bad when he told me that. I wanted to help him through it. But knowing that he won't tell and 'bring up the past' is going to be hard. He apologized that he couldn't be here for me. And said that he was happy that I told him about this problem but he couldn't do anything to ake me happy again.
He's so sweet. He concuded that it was the guy's fault for talking to another girl instead of his girlfriend. I asked him, is it wrong to talk with the opposite sex if you are in a relationship. He gave me this very good and satisfying answer, Which was, "What I think is that when in a relationship, both male and female shout meet each others friends. One way it shows that they are in a relationship infront of friends. Second show the other friends that might have and interest in him or her that he or she is already taken. And all that could eliminate jealousy between the two when tlking to the opposite sex." I really like this explaination. I then asked him, what if the couple lived in different places? Like one live in Auckland and the other live in PN? Then how will they be able to meet each others friends? He then replied with another satisfying answer. "Then you should have photos taken together. Then they will understand."
I guess with all his answers are satisfying to me, coz this is probably something that I have been wanting to hear from someone else other than myself. Coz now I know, that there is someone else who thinks like me (when in a relationship).
Then he tells me, "You know, I can see you have a lot of males that have fallen for you, because of your openess, attractiveness, kindness, caringness." I was like, "Whoa, how did you know?? Like how can you tell?" He then said, "You really want to know?" And of course I told him that I did [want to know]. He replied with "Because you are who you are." I got a bit confused with that, so I asked him what that meant. He then said, "Do you remember sometime ago. When I asked you, How come you don't have a boyfriend? You reply you don't want one yet. Do you remember that?" I was like, yeah... But what does that got to do with anything? (Answering my question).
He then repeated the question of 'You really want to know, don't you?' I told him once again, I did want to know. He replied with a :) and I was like... literally dot dot dot + - _ -; face (haha). But I just told him that it doesn't answer my question and that he should tell me coz I wanted to know. So he then replied with a full answer. A very good answer. I loved it. Which was:
"I know you have a lot of male problems because I also have fallen for you. I don't know when it happened, but every time I see you my heart beats fast, and when I don't se you I think of you. I wanted ask you to give me a chance, give us a chance. But I'm afraid of losing you and the bond between us. And also your reply to the question."
After reading that, I felt SOO touched. Like, it was happy as well as surprised. My eyes started to swell up tears. Tears of happiness not sadness. I just couldn't stop smiling. My face turned all red. I mean, just imagine him telling me this face-to-face. I'd be so.. embarassed -but in a good way. If you know what I mean. I replied if he wanted to know the truth and the answer. He replied that he was afraid. I told him to to be afraid and that if he wanted, I'd tell him the answer and the truth whenever he is ready. He said that he is happy that im here for him when he is unhappy and sad. I told him that, I have already told him that I will always be here for him. Always. He told me that I was sweet and that he didn't want to lose me. I said to him that he would never lose me. And to trust me on that. He just replied that he he misses me right now. I was like AWW! Miss you too! And I mean it.
Then he said that he's going to sleep now coz the more he talks to me the more he misses me. And that he needs to control this feeling because if one day, I leave him, he will lose everything. I felt so sad to hear that. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted him to text me day and night (when possible). I don't want him to control his feelings. I want it to grow like the feelings that I have for him too.
But now he knows that I will ALWAYS be here for him. No matter what. He promised me that he will tell me everything that is on his mind. Whether it's happy things or unhappy things. I just want to be there for him and want him to know that I will always be here for him, whenever he feels lonely or sad and needs someone that he can turn to and comfort him or share his happiness with.
I'm so happy that he doesn't want to lose the bond that we have as well. Coz like I said before, I want to keep our bond and make it stronger rather than having it to be distanced again and having to 'rebuild' that closeness again.
That whole time, all I wanted was him to be right with me. I wanted to hug him and lean on him. I can't wait till he comes back to PN. Though I know it will be a while... Like maybe in July/August. That is such a long wait... I want to see him right now and talk to him. I want to be with him. I just want him.. So bad.. I miss him so much. I hope he won't forget about me too much during the next couple of months. Coz I know I won't. He's changed me. And he, is the only one in my heart.
Friday, June 25, 2010
I Don't Want Your Boyfriend
(Another enty -Again)
So this afternoon, when I logged onto my FB account. I had recieved 5 [private] messages. One was from my friend Y and the other was from H (the annoying and clingy guy...) and the other THREE!! Was from this random girl that I don't even know but have seen her on my one of my guy friend's [FB] page. The first was like from yesterday at 2.04pm saying that, "I like Al Y OK!" Then again, this morning, she sent another 2 saying, "Hello. I don't know why Al Y always talk to you, we have been together for a little while. But anyway." And the second one saying, "I hope that you and Al Y can stop contact with each other."
I replied one of her messages, saying, "Hi, Are you his girlfriend?" She replied with, "He is my boyfriend now." And I was like, "But you guys have the same last name...?" She then asked, "Who are you? Is Al your boyfriend before?" I answered with, "I don't know how to answer your first question. But no. Al and I are just friends. And have known each other for quite a long time." She then replied, "So sorry about that. Can we be friends?" Like oh man?? What does she want from me?? Does she really want to be friends or like keep an eye on what me and her "boyfriend" is talking about?? Oh. I'm not sure about saying yes to her....
Is that how I should take care of things?? I HATE these kinds of situations. Where the this random girl comes along and accuse you of stealing her boyfriend. Like, dude. Calm down. I don't want your boyfriend, alright? And I don't intend on 'stealing' or 'taking' him away from you. Don't worry.
Arrgh! I hate situations like these!! I want K!! I don't want anyone else but him! And plus, Al is wayyy too old for me. K is just right for me :) Should I tell K about this? Or na? Well... I guess I'll tell him if he asks me if 'anything interesting happened today,' again. So yeah.. Maybe... ARGGGH! I don't want to be the "That bitch who is trying to steal my boyfriend"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGGGH!
So this afternoon, when I logged onto my FB account. I had recieved 5 [private] messages. One was from my friend Y and the other was from H (the annoying and clingy guy...) and the other THREE!! Was from this random girl that I don't even know but have seen her on my one of my guy friend's [FB] page. The first was like from yesterday at 2.04pm saying that, "I like Al Y OK!" Then again, this morning, she sent another 2 saying, "Hello. I don't know why Al Y always talk to you, we have been together for a little while. But anyway." And the second one saying, "I hope that you and Al Y can stop contact with each other."
I replied one of her messages, saying, "Hi, Are you his girlfriend?" She replied with, "He is my boyfriend now." And I was like, "But you guys have the same last name...?" She then asked, "Who are you? Is Al your boyfriend before?" I answered with, "I don't know how to answer your first question. But no. Al and I are just friends. And have known each other for quite a long time." She then replied, "So sorry about that. Can we be friends?" Like oh man?? What does she want from me?? Does she really want to be friends or like keep an eye on what me and her "boyfriend" is talking about?? Oh. I'm not sure about saying yes to her....
Is that how I should take care of things?? I HATE these kinds of situations. Where the this random girl comes along and accuse you of stealing her boyfriend. Like, dude. Calm down. I don't want your boyfriend, alright? And I don't intend on 'stealing' or 'taking' him away from you. Don't worry.
Arrgh! I hate situations like these!! I want K!! I don't want anyone else but him! And plus, Al is wayyy too old for me. K is just right for me :) Should I tell K about this? Or na? Well... I guess I'll tell him if he asks me if 'anything interesting happened today,' again. So yeah.. Maybe... ARGGGH! I don't want to be the "That bitch who is trying to steal my boyfriend"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGGGH!
Falling Deeper?
I think I am falling deeper and deeper in "love". Although we're not in a relationship yet. I feel that everything that he says to me, is really getting to me. And make me like -or love him more than I had expected... I hope this is a good thing though. And I hope he feels the same way too.
He texted me last night just before midnight. I was waiting for him to text me for the WHOLE night! I thought he would've went to sleep at about 9.15pm coz that was when he slept on Wednesday night. I was like shocked and happy that he texted me. Sort of like a dream come true. Coz you know how I was hoping that we'd be able to talk everyday so that we don't lose our "connection"? Yeah, that's why I was so happy and relieved.
He was so sweet last night. He made me smile so much that my face hurt (haha). I told him that I asked my older cousin, W what she thought of him. And he asked me why I asked and asked me what the result was. I told him that she said he was OK and that it was the first time that she EVER told me that a guy that I introduce to her or have been introduced to her, was OK. Coz usually she'd get all fussy and be like na. Not good etc etc. And so I asked if he felt special. He said yes he did feel special and asked if I was trying to sell him. Haha.
I told him that I wasn't unless he really wanted me to. Then he asked me, "Then what do you think of me?" I wanted to tell him straight up, but I just decided to ask him whether he wants to know it in one word or like a list. Heasked, "Is it not good?" I replied that it was good. He told me to tell him and I just repeated whether he wanted it short or long. He then replied saying that I can tell him when he comes back to PN. I was like, "OK! Then I'll tell you when you come down." Then he said, "That's if you remmeber all the words." And after that sentence, he said that he forgot to give me a kiss when I was up in Auckland. I was like aww! Always next time. Haha. I told him that I wrote everything in my blog and so I won't forget and he said he wanted to read and know my 'secrets' but I told him none of my friends can read my blog.
After all that, i asked him how he wanted me to remind him to ask me [what I like about him], he was like, "I don't know, maybe you can give me a kiss instead. Haha. :O I will be very happy." I smiled reading that. HE then said that if I kissed him then he will instantly kiss me back. I was like AWWW! Made me want to be with him right then.
Then he said he was going to sleep now. "Because you are not here now. Only ay to see you is in my dream. So I will meet you in my dream. Good night and sweet dreams Q." And I was like AWW!! He's just so cute and adorable AND sweet at the same time! I love him sooo sooo much. Maybe not so much "love" more like I like him A LOT! Coz you know, can't 'love' him and fall deeper and deeper if nothing's gonna happen. I don't want to get hurt like that.
So, what exactly DO I like about my dearest K? (Hehe).
I like:
> How he is so respectful to older people. (Like my grandparents for example).
> How he doesn't hesitate to do things. (Like how my friends told him to get this and do that when we were at the Japanese Restaurant and how he drove us around without complaining. Coz knowing that a lot of guys or just people in general would be moaning and complaining).
> How he has self-confidence. (About his height. He doesn't let it get to him, whether people make fun of his height or not).
> The way he holds me, hugs me, puts his arm around me. (It makes me feels so comfortable and warm with him).
> How he sweet talks me, but not in a over the top kind of way. Like wayyyy too cheesy way. So cheesy that I need to vomit.
> How he can hang out with me and my girl friends without isolating himself from my girls or like sticking to me like glue when I'm with him and my girls. (Knowing that some guys DO do that. And that's annoying).
> How he can drive! :D he looks so cool when he drives! And when he 'speeds' -like on the motorway or on the way to Wellington or Auckland. That's hot ;D
> His style! It's not like gangsta or too boring. It's simple and casual and nice. I like it.
Whoa. There is a lot that I like about him... Haha. I wonder if I'll remember to tell all this to him. It's such a long and a pretty detailed list, don't cha think? Haha. I need to also ask him what HE thinks of ME! :D
All I want is to be in an relationship with him. It sounds so desperate. But I want him by my side. And I want to be by his side. Forever. and Always.
He texted me last night just before midnight. I was waiting for him to text me for the WHOLE night! I thought he would've went to sleep at about 9.15pm coz that was when he slept on Wednesday night. I was like shocked and happy that he texted me. Sort of like a dream come true. Coz you know how I was hoping that we'd be able to talk everyday so that we don't lose our "connection"? Yeah, that's why I was so happy and relieved.
He was so sweet last night. He made me smile so much that my face hurt (haha). I told him that I asked my older cousin, W what she thought of him. And he asked me why I asked and asked me what the result was. I told him that she said he was OK and that it was the first time that she EVER told me that a guy that I introduce to her or have been introduced to her, was OK. Coz usually she'd get all fussy and be like na. Not good etc etc. And so I asked if he felt special. He said yes he did feel special and asked if I was trying to sell him. Haha.
I told him that I wasn't unless he really wanted me to. Then he asked me, "Then what do you think of me?" I wanted to tell him straight up, but I just decided to ask him whether he wants to know it in one word or like a list. Heasked, "Is it not good?" I replied that it was good. He told me to tell him and I just repeated whether he wanted it short or long. He then replied saying that I can tell him when he comes back to PN. I was like, "OK! Then I'll tell you when you come down." Then he said, "That's if you remmeber all the words." And after that sentence, he said that he forgot to give me a kiss when I was up in Auckland. I was like aww! Always next time. Haha. I told him that I wrote everything in my blog and so I won't forget and he said he wanted to read and know my 'secrets' but I told him none of my friends can read my blog.
After all that, i asked him how he wanted me to remind him to ask me [what I like about him], he was like, "I don't know, maybe you can give me a kiss instead. Haha. :O I will be very happy." I smiled reading that. HE then said that if I kissed him then he will instantly kiss me back. I was like AWWW! Made me want to be with him right then.
Then he said he was going to sleep now. "Because you are not here now. Only ay to see you is in my dream. So I will meet you in my dream. Good night and sweet dreams Q." And I was like AWW!! He's just so cute and adorable AND sweet at the same time! I love him sooo sooo much. Maybe not so much "love" more like I like him A LOT! Coz you know, can't 'love' him and fall deeper and deeper if nothing's gonna happen. I don't want to get hurt like that.
So, what exactly DO I like about my dearest K? (Hehe).
I like:
> How he is so respectful to older people. (Like my grandparents for example).
> How he doesn't hesitate to do things. (Like how my friends told him to get this and do that when we were at the Japanese Restaurant and how he drove us around without complaining. Coz knowing that a lot of guys or just people in general would be moaning and complaining).
> How he has self-confidence. (About his height. He doesn't let it get to him, whether people make fun of his height or not).
> The way he holds me, hugs me, puts his arm around me. (It makes me feels so comfortable and warm with him).
> How he sweet talks me, but not in a over the top kind of way. Like wayyyy too cheesy way. So cheesy that I need to vomit.
> How he can hang out with me and my girl friends without isolating himself from my girls or like sticking to me like glue when I'm with him and my girls. (Knowing that some guys DO do that. And that's annoying).
> How he can drive! :D he looks so cool when he drives! And when he 'speeds' -like on the motorway or on the way to Wellington or Auckland. That's hot ;D
> His style! It's not like gangsta or too boring. It's simple and casual and nice. I like it.
Whoa. There is a lot that I like about him... Haha. I wonder if I'll remember to tell all this to him. It's such a long and a pretty detailed list, don't cha think? Haha. I need to also ask him what HE thinks of ME! :D
All I want is to be in an relationship with him. It sounds so desperate. But I want him by my side. And I want to be by his side. Forever. and Always.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
He's All I Think About
I miss him so much... I really want to see him. I want to be with him right now. I want him..... *sigh* Why is it so hard to see him? Yeah yeah... I know it's a stupid question. If only he worked at the PN airport then I'd be able to see him when he gets his days off. Instead of having to wait months to be able to see him again... I'm so sad. I want him so much. I want to hug him..But I can't :( So sad.
He said he'd surprise me. When I said that I wanted to see him last night (via text).He said that he might be outside my house right now. I soo wished he was. So he said he'd surprise me and that he wants to see me. And telling me to be prepared to get surprised. I really hope he comes back down to PN soon. Maybe next month? Hopefully? I mean. I know it'll cost him a lot of petrol to come to PN and then back to Auckland. But I guess its worth it though I feel bad coz he has to waste so much money on that.
I feel that we really have grown closer. I mean, I've meet pretty much his whole family. HIs parents and his sister. And he has meet my grandparents and my cousins and my aunty and uncle. Just hasn't really met my parents. He's only seen them. But he's seen all my sisters and have met them (but have not really met my younger sis) but he knows of her and my brother.
And considering that my grandma has blurted out a lot of our family "problems" while we visited her. He knows a lot about us and all. So I guess, you can say, he's part of the family now! Haha! But mum didn't like it when I tol dher that grandma said all that even when K was around.She really does worry a lot huh?
I WANT HIM!!! I WANT TO SEE HIM!!! I WANT TO HUG HIM!!!
To me now, seeing hot guys around or hangingout with my other guy friends, means nothing to me. Like, I won't give them the wrong idea, like I'd usually would (apparently...) and that hanging out with them to me is really JUST friends. And that I won't think about them that way or even give them that chance. Coz all I want is K. He's the apple of my eye. And right now, NO ONE can replace him!!
I know that my friend Y may not really like him, but I don't care. It's me liking him, not her. I accept him for who he is. Whether he's short, chubby, tall, fat, good looking or average. All I want is him and for him to love me as much as I love him.
I went onto his FB last night. And I saw this video that he had posted. It was a song titled [越长大越孤单] which literally translate to "lonelier as I grow up" or "lonelier as growing up" but either way, I heard this song in his car, and I guess it got to me, coz of the fact that now I knew what the song is talking about. Coz the song is in mandarin and I don't undertand that. I feel so .. I don't know. Sad? That he feels that way. And coz of the fact that I can't help him when he's upset or feeling sad or stressed.
I want to be there for him when he needs that somebody to be by his side and listen to his sorrows or happiness. Just everything. I want to be the one he turns to whether he is happy or sad. And obviously, I want him to be the one who I turn to when I'm happy or sad.
I don't want anyone BUT him! I keep reminising about the times when we were together in Auckland and every moment that we spent together and the times where he'd just hold me tight. All the fun times we had together. I really miss all that. I wish I could see him VERY soon. I want to be with him. He's everything to me.
I want to text him, but I know he is busy at work. All I want is to talk to him everyday if I can. So that our "bond" doesn't break or get distanced again. I want to stay close to him. Want to be the first person that's on his mind and the last person on his mind at the end of the day.
He told me once that I was impotant to him. I asked him who were his top 3 people that he cared about the most,.And he replied with, "My parents and you." I was like awww!! You're so sweet! It totally made me smile. Whether he meant it or not. I don't care. It made me smile. I like him sooo much. I guess Ifall deeper and deeper when he says something sweet like that.
But the thing is, I've been told, considering I have rejected so many guys and so many guys like me, when it's MY turn to fall for a guy so deep that I cannot get out (or something), it would be MY turn to get hurt badly by the guy that I love sooo much (obviously hurt emotionally not physically haha). But I really hope that, that person, will not be K, the one to hurt me. I believe he won't... Coz he has certainly captured me and my heart all in one. And yes... I'm turning into such a cheesy talker now. Haha. And that's all because of him! Haha!
He said he'd surprise me. When I said that I wanted to see him last night (via text).He said that he might be outside my house right now. I soo wished he was. So he said he'd surprise me and that he wants to see me. And telling me to be prepared to get surprised. I really hope he comes back down to PN soon. Maybe next month? Hopefully? I mean. I know it'll cost him a lot of petrol to come to PN and then back to Auckland. But I guess its worth it though I feel bad coz he has to waste so much money on that.
I feel that we really have grown closer. I mean, I've meet pretty much his whole family. HIs parents and his sister. And he has meet my grandparents and my cousins and my aunty and uncle. Just hasn't really met my parents. He's only seen them. But he's seen all my sisters and have met them (but have not really met my younger sis) but he knows of her and my brother.
And considering that my grandma has blurted out a lot of our family "problems" while we visited her. He knows a lot about us and all. So I guess, you can say, he's part of the family now! Haha! But mum didn't like it when I tol dher that grandma said all that even when K was around.She really does worry a lot huh?
I WANT HIM!!! I WANT TO SEE HIM!!! I WANT TO HUG HIM!!!
To me now, seeing hot guys around or hangingout with my other guy friends, means nothing to me. Like, I won't give them the wrong idea, like I'd usually would (apparently...) and that hanging out with them to me is really JUST friends. And that I won't think about them that way or even give them that chance. Coz all I want is K. He's the apple of my eye. And right now, NO ONE can replace him!!
I know that my friend Y may not really like him, but I don't care. It's me liking him, not her. I accept him for who he is. Whether he's short, chubby, tall, fat, good looking or average. All I want is him and for him to love me as much as I love him.
I went onto his FB last night. And I saw this video that he had posted. It was a song titled [越长大越孤单] which literally translate to "lonelier as I grow up" or "lonelier as growing up" but either way, I heard this song in his car, and I guess it got to me, coz of the fact that now I knew what the song is talking about. Coz the song is in mandarin and I don't undertand that. I feel so .. I don't know. Sad? That he feels that way. And coz of the fact that I can't help him when he's upset or feeling sad or stressed.
I want to be there for him when he needs that somebody to be by his side and listen to his sorrows or happiness. Just everything. I want to be the one he turns to whether he is happy or sad. And obviously, I want him to be the one who I turn to when I'm happy or sad.
I don't want anyone BUT him! I keep reminising about the times when we were together in Auckland and every moment that we spent together and the times where he'd just hold me tight. All the fun times we had together. I really miss all that. I wish I could see him VERY soon. I want to be with him. He's everything to me.
I want to text him, but I know he is busy at work. All I want is to talk to him everyday if I can. So that our "bond" doesn't break or get distanced again. I want to stay close to him. Want to be the first person that's on his mind and the last person on his mind at the end of the day.
He told me once that I was impotant to him. I asked him who were his top 3 people that he cared about the most,.And he replied with, "My parents and you." I was like awww!! You're so sweet! It totally made me smile. Whether he meant it or not. I don't care. It made me smile. I like him sooo much. I guess Ifall deeper and deeper when he says something sweet like that.
But the thing is, I've been told, considering I have rejected so many guys and so many guys like me, when it's MY turn to fall for a guy so deep that I cannot get out (or something), it would be MY turn to get hurt badly by the guy that I love sooo much (obviously hurt emotionally not physically haha). But I really hope that, that person, will not be K, the one to hurt me. I believe he won't... Coz he has certainly captured me and my heart all in one. And yes... I'm turning into such a cheesy talker now. Haha. And that's all because of him! Haha!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
He feels the same?
(Yes. Another entry)
I don't know. But I think K feels the same way as me too. Coz this morning at 10.17am he texted me from work saying that, I better wake up and get ready or I will miss my flight and that he misses me already and telling me to take care and that he always love me. I was like AWWW!! It like totally got to me!! His sweetness just gets to me like that. After I told him that I was at the airport, and I miss him too and that I'd text him again when I arrive in PN and of course, that I love him too. When I did arrive in PN, I texted him. Coz he's the only person on my mind. I told him I had arrived in PN and that I hope to see him soon and that I love him. Then he texted me after work @ 2.15pm saying that it was good so that he can stop worrying. And said that 'hopefully that you will always love me.' And I was like awww! And obviously told him I'd always love him.
He texted back saying that he's home and that it's not the same without me. And that he's going to take nap and would text me when he wakes up. And that said, maybe I wished to go back to him and sleep with him and do "interesting" things with him. And said he loved me again. I laughed. I just didn't know what to say coz he was so sweet. But I wanted to say something to show that ... I like him?
He's just so sweet. I want to be with him. I want to hug him again. Aww... I feel so cold and lonely without him by my side :( All I hope for now is that, we keep texting each other and that we won't lose this closeness again and that he won't find another girl... I want to see him!!!! ARGGGH!! He needs to ask me out as soon as possible :D haha. Sounds like I want him to propose to me haha. I want him!!! Arggh! He's all mine!!! >O< hands off! Haha.
I don't care whether he is short or the fact that he is the same height as me! OR whether it means that I shouldn't wear high heels around him. Or that he is a tad "fat/chubby." I don't care. Though I see that he HAS lost some weight. Either way, I have accpeted him for who he is. I like him. ALL MINE!!! Hehehe.
I don't know. But I think K feels the same way as me too. Coz this morning at 10.17am he texted me from work saying that, I better wake up and get ready or I will miss my flight and that he misses me already and telling me to take care and that he always love me. I was like AWWW!! It like totally got to me!! His sweetness just gets to me like that. After I told him that I was at the airport, and I miss him too and that I'd text him again when I arrive in PN and of course, that I love him too. When I did arrive in PN, I texted him. Coz he's the only person on my mind. I told him I had arrived in PN and that I hope to see him soon and that I love him. Then he texted me after work @ 2.15pm saying that it was good so that he can stop worrying. And said that 'hopefully that you will always love me.' And I was like awww! And obviously told him I'd always love him.
He texted back saying that he's home and that it's not the same without me. And that he's going to take nap and would text me when he wakes up. And that said, maybe I wished to go back to him and sleep with him and do "interesting" things with him. And said he loved me again. I laughed. I just didn't know what to say coz he was so sweet. But I wanted to say something to show that ... I like him?
He's just so sweet. I want to be with him. I want to hug him again. Aww... I feel so cold and lonely without him by my side :( All I hope for now is that, we keep texting each other and that we won't lose this closeness again and that he won't find another girl... I want to see him!!!! ARGGGH!! He needs to ask me out as soon as possible :D haha. Sounds like I want him to propose to me haha. I want him!!! Arggh! He's all mine!!! >O< hands off! Haha.
I don't care whether he is short or the fact that he is the same height as me! OR whether it means that I shouldn't wear high heels around him. Or that he is a tad "fat/chubby." I don't care. Though I see that he HAS lost some weight. Either way, I have accpeted him for who he is. I like him. ALL MINE!!! Hehehe.
Decision Made
I just came back from Auckland. Went there with my BFF, S and K, who drove us up. Was such a good trip. Arrived in Auckland, had so much fun, from catching up with out friends and hanging out with them and my cousins and shopping and going to Mission Bay (a beach). It was the time of our/my life!! And the best thing besides all that, was spending time with K.
Thinking about him gets me all happy and high. Makes me smile from the bottom of my heart.Makes me feel like a little girl that has just fallen in love or something. He makes me feel giddy (haha). I like him soo much. Spending so much time with him has made me realize, that I do like him more than just a friend or that I'm going through another one of my "guy phases". I can tell this is different to all those "guy phases" that I have, coz I know that he, is the one I want to be with. And I know that if I ever hear or see him with another girl in his arms, I would be very very jealous and upset.
I think about like pretty much every second of the day. I mean yeah, that may sound a tad TOO much and weird. But he's all I have on my mind right now. Maybe.... He does like me too? Coz when we spent time in Auckland, he did what he did when we were in Wellington. Like, putting his arms around me and like holding me close to him. It felt gooooood... haha. Every time that we are alone, he does that. Like pulls me close to him and whispers in my ear or he just sort of make an excuse saying that isn't it what I dream of having him hold me close when it's cold and all? I love him for that. He's just so sweet.
He drove me and my other friends all around Auckland, like everywhere that we wanted to go, he'd take us without hesitating, like a lot of other people would. I mean, with just that, I love him for it. He even came with me to my grandparents place -twice! and had a good conversation with him. It was so sweet of him. I like the way how he respects my grandparents and has a conversation with them and make them 'love' him. Like giving them good impression of him to them. He's awesome like that.
It was really embarassing as well as *squeal* when my grandpa asked if K was my boyfriend, like I wanted to say yes. But obviously I couldn't, coz of the fact that he isn't!! ahaha. Then grandpa asked again, and I obviously said no again. But he was like, maybe it's just the start of the relationship aye? And I just smiled. I mean, we sat together on the couch, so close to each other, while grandma and grandpa was talking to us/me. It did feel like we were a couple. It was such a great feeling :) And the funny but cute thing is, that last night, the night before I left Auckland, we went to visit her before one last time before I went off to PN, grandma was telling K to come over anytime to just have a chat with them or anything (like eat or whatever). It was so cute. It's like my grandma loves him already *big smile* But then later on when I asked him whether he was gonna go and visit my grandparents one day, he was like "No. Only when you're here." I was like, "Why?" He said, "Coz it'll be random if I dropped in and said 'Hi! I'm gonna stay for dinner tonight!'" I laughed.
My grandparents think he is a smart boy, coz he works at the Auckland airport and like he's just plain awesome (haha). It was so sweet and cute when he denied he was smart. Hehe. And yeah, my grandma pretty much told him my whole life story about when I was a kid and what I was like and what kind of person I am. It was like oh my gosh. Shame. But aww. coz K gets to know something about me that no other guy knows. And he IS the first guy that has ever met my grandparents! And love him already! Haha. I feel so special and lucky.
So last night, me, S, K, R, Y and M went out for dinner for the last time while we were in Auckland. We went to this Japanese restaurant called, Daikoku, and they ordered warm/hot sake, and I didn't realize that it was that strong and taking one sip got me all hot and my face burning and I felt dizzy and started to feel sleepy. (Coz I'm a sleepy drunk). And then I took a second sip, and that was when I practically wanted to drop down and sleep. Everyone was so worried about me, but I soo did now want to make this huge scene.
K told me he was worried about me. I was so touched. And obviously my BFF, S was too. She was there for me. Let me put my head on her shoulder while I sleep for a bit and recover. But in the end, I recovered. Though I still felt a bit sleepy, but not as much as I was before.
When K took me and S home last night (my cousin's place), I got to spend some alone time with him outside. I wanted to giv him something, but I didn't know what. And since my grandparents both gave me $50 each, I gave him $50 for the petrol that he used on me and taking me ad my friends around. But he wouldn't accept it. It took me a longggg time to get him to stop refusing and let me put it in his pocket. But before I could put it in his pocket, he pulled me in for a hug. It was like aww. And we just sort of kept "arguing" over the fact that he should take the money but he doesn't want to.
At one point he stopped resisting and we just settled in for the hug and kept talking about whether I had fun in Auckland and how he was worried about me when I got a tad tipsy/drunk.Then my cousin, A came out to say goodbye to me coz I won't be able to see her tomorrow coz she has her course to go to. So she came out to say goodbye and we hugged. When she came out, K didn't like instantly let go of me like when they saw someone -like a family member or friend, and they'd let go of me like a lot of the other guys I had this "phase" with. He just kept hugging me until she came over. She was like, "I'm not trying to intrude on you guys, but yeah. Just wanted to say goodbye... etc." It was sort of embarrassing having your cousi to see you like that. But oh well. Kevin doesn't mind. HEE! After she went back inside, we carried on with our hug. It was like aww. So warm and I wanted to stay like that forever, though I felt that he was shaking coz it was a cold night. But hugging him was so warm for me. Maybe it's coz I'm not big enough towarm him up... haha.
We hugged and talked. I asked him when I was able to see him again, he said, not sure, maybe July or August. I was like, aw. I hope I don't have to wait for like 5 months to see you again. And he's like na. I was relieved. I wanted to see him as soon as he could come back down to PN. He has work at 4am the next morning and said he wasn't planning to sleep. And it was like 11.30pm. Or something? I told him that I'd miss him and couldn't wait for hm to come back to PN again. He was like, "There's something called 3G, you know?" And I was like, "Yeah... But i costs." He was like, "just go onto that plan." I was like, "That BestMate plan?" He's like yeah. And I was like OK and smiled.
Funny thing was, when we hugged, he kept touching my butt (haha). Then he was like, "You really do have a nice ass." And I laughed and said thanks. He kept saying it though -not lik every second. More like.. said it once or 4 times? And said that it felt good and didn't want to let go.Then he was like sorry, but it's true. I was like haha thanks *smile* and said, "You only like me for my ass?" haha. But like, he's the first guy to ever make a move by touching my butt and giving me a compliment. It was different but at the same time, I didn't mind him doing so. All I know was that I wanted to hug and stay with him like that forever. He has his own different smell. Like no perfume kind of stuff. Just him. It was good just being able to smell him and putting a bit of my lips on his bare neck and smelling him. (Man, I sound like so... Pervertic and creepy haha). But I loved it.
Then my other cousin, I and my BFF, S came out, and S was like, "we're not checking up on you guys or anything, but I need to give you some petrol money." And gave him $20. That's when he remembered the $50 that I gave him. So then I had to go back to making him take both the $50 and $20. He said that he doesn't need the money now andto give him the money when he needs it. Or that we should treat him lunch when he comes back down to PN. And we were like, "Na, Petrol costs way more than lunch." Then he was like, "No, petrol doesn't cost that much." Then goes to my cousin, and asks her, "You drive aye? Petrol doesn't cost that much aye?" And she was like, "No. It costs a lot." And he was like "Ohh. You were suppose to be on my side!" And we all laughed and made him accept it. But he still wouldn't.
So I went to the other side of his car and went to that erm... thing you pull out (haha), storage thing? Coz that's where he puts his wallet (he doesn't use a wallet. He has this metal case thing for his cards), and he tried locking his doors from the drivers side and he failed to (ahhaahha!!) so I managed to put the money in his wallet and said, the money will be there when he needs it. And that's when, it was finally time for us to say our goodbyes for real. I was so sad.
But then again, when my cousin and S came out, he thought it was my aunty, and even THEN! He didn't pull me away. Even though I told him it wasn't my aunty but he kept saying it was, he still kept on hugging me and said in a joking way, that I'd have to explain to them (aunty and uncle) about our hugging situtation as well as then having to explain to my parents. I didn't care. I just wanted him. But it turned out to be my cousin and S.
When we walked in the house, S was like, from a distance. You guys look like you were in a kissing position. I laughed and told her there were no kissing involved. Hugging only. She was like, "Oh, it jus looked like it." I just smiled and wish it was.. haha.
*Sigggghhhh* I'm off in my own litle world ... haha. I have made mu decision. I want K and he's all I want. I'm not gonna regret going out with him coz some other hot guy suddenly walks into my life. Well at least I hope not. I hope we don't lose our communication and our closeness that we had built during all those days that we spent together just building on that closeness.
I miss him so much right now.
Thinking about him gets me all happy and high. Makes me smile from the bottom of my heart.Makes me feel like a little girl that has just fallen in love or something. He makes me feel giddy (haha). I like him soo much. Spending so much time with him has made me realize, that I do like him more than just a friend or that I'm going through another one of my "guy phases". I can tell this is different to all those "guy phases" that I have, coz I know that he, is the one I want to be with. And I know that if I ever hear or see him with another girl in his arms, I would be very very jealous and upset.
I think about like pretty much every second of the day. I mean yeah, that may sound a tad TOO much and weird. But he's all I have on my mind right now. Maybe.... He does like me too? Coz when we spent time in Auckland, he did what he did when we were in Wellington. Like, putting his arms around me and like holding me close to him. It felt gooooood... haha. Every time that we are alone, he does that. Like pulls me close to him and whispers in my ear or he just sort of make an excuse saying that isn't it what I dream of having him hold me close when it's cold and all? I love him for that. He's just so sweet.
He drove me and my other friends all around Auckland, like everywhere that we wanted to go, he'd take us without hesitating, like a lot of other people would. I mean, with just that, I love him for it. He even came with me to my grandparents place -twice! and had a good conversation with him. It was so sweet of him. I like the way how he respects my grandparents and has a conversation with them and make them 'love' him. Like giving them good impression of him to them. He's awesome like that.
It was really embarassing as well as *squeal* when my grandpa asked if K was my boyfriend, like I wanted to say yes. But obviously I couldn't, coz of the fact that he isn't!! ahaha. Then grandpa asked again, and I obviously said no again. But he was like, maybe it's just the start of the relationship aye? And I just smiled. I mean, we sat together on the couch, so close to each other, while grandma and grandpa was talking to us/me. It did feel like we were a couple. It was such a great feeling :) And the funny but cute thing is, that last night, the night before I left Auckland, we went to visit her before one last time before I went off to PN, grandma was telling K to come over anytime to just have a chat with them or anything (like eat or whatever). It was so cute. It's like my grandma loves him already *big smile* But then later on when I asked him whether he was gonna go and visit my grandparents one day, he was like "No. Only when you're here." I was like, "Why?" He said, "Coz it'll be random if I dropped in and said 'Hi! I'm gonna stay for dinner tonight!'" I laughed.
My grandparents think he is a smart boy, coz he works at the Auckland airport and like he's just plain awesome (haha). It was so sweet and cute when he denied he was smart. Hehe. And yeah, my grandma pretty much told him my whole life story about when I was a kid and what I was like and what kind of person I am. It was like oh my gosh. Shame. But aww. coz K gets to know something about me that no other guy knows. And he IS the first guy that has ever met my grandparents! And love him already! Haha. I feel so special and lucky.
So last night, me, S, K, R, Y and M went out for dinner for the last time while we were in Auckland. We went to this Japanese restaurant called, Daikoku, and they ordered warm/hot sake, and I didn't realize that it was that strong and taking one sip got me all hot and my face burning and I felt dizzy and started to feel sleepy. (Coz I'm a sleepy drunk). And then I took a second sip, and that was when I practically wanted to drop down and sleep. Everyone was so worried about me, but I soo did now want to make this huge scene.
K told me he was worried about me. I was so touched. And obviously my BFF, S was too. She was there for me. Let me put my head on her shoulder while I sleep for a bit and recover. But in the end, I recovered. Though I still felt a bit sleepy, but not as much as I was before.
When K took me and S home last night (my cousin's place), I got to spend some alone time with him outside. I wanted to giv him something, but I didn't know what. And since my grandparents both gave me $50 each, I gave him $50 for the petrol that he used on me and taking me ad my friends around. But he wouldn't accept it. It took me a longggg time to get him to stop refusing and let me put it in his pocket. But before I could put it in his pocket, he pulled me in for a hug. It was like aww. And we just sort of kept "arguing" over the fact that he should take the money but he doesn't want to.
At one point he stopped resisting and we just settled in for the hug and kept talking about whether I had fun in Auckland and how he was worried about me when I got a tad tipsy/drunk.Then my cousin, A came out to say goodbye to me coz I won't be able to see her tomorrow coz she has her course to go to. So she came out to say goodbye and we hugged. When she came out, K didn't like instantly let go of me like when they saw someone -like a family member or friend, and they'd let go of me like a lot of the other guys I had this "phase" with. He just kept hugging me until she came over. She was like, "I'm not trying to intrude on you guys, but yeah. Just wanted to say goodbye... etc." It was sort of embarrassing having your cousi to see you like that. But oh well. Kevin doesn't mind. HEE! After she went back inside, we carried on with our hug. It was like aww. So warm and I wanted to stay like that forever, though I felt that he was shaking coz it was a cold night. But hugging him was so warm for me. Maybe it's coz I'm not big enough towarm him up... haha.
We hugged and talked. I asked him when I was able to see him again, he said, not sure, maybe July or August. I was like, aw. I hope I don't have to wait for like 5 months to see you again. And he's like na. I was relieved. I wanted to see him as soon as he could come back down to PN. He has work at 4am the next morning and said he wasn't planning to sleep. And it was like 11.30pm. Or something? I told him that I'd miss him and couldn't wait for hm to come back to PN again. He was like, "There's something called 3G, you know?" And I was like, "Yeah... But i costs." He was like, "just go onto that plan." I was like, "That BestMate plan?" He's like yeah. And I was like OK and smiled.
Funny thing was, when we hugged, he kept touching my butt (haha). Then he was like, "You really do have a nice ass." And I laughed and said thanks. He kept saying it though -not lik every second. More like.. said it once or 4 times? And said that it felt good and didn't want to let go.Then he was like sorry, but it's true. I was like haha thanks *smile* and said, "You only like me for my ass?" haha. But like, he's the first guy to ever make a move by touching my butt and giving me a compliment. It was different but at the same time, I didn't mind him doing so. All I know was that I wanted to hug and stay with him like that forever. He has his own different smell. Like no perfume kind of stuff. Just him. It was good just being able to smell him and putting a bit of my lips on his bare neck and smelling him. (Man, I sound like so... Pervertic and creepy haha). But I loved it.
Then my other cousin, I and my BFF, S came out, and S was like, "we're not checking up on you guys or anything, but I need to give you some petrol money." And gave him $20. That's when he remembered the $50 that I gave him. So then I had to go back to making him take both the $50 and $20. He said that he doesn't need the money now andto give him the money when he needs it. Or that we should treat him lunch when he comes back down to PN. And we were like, "Na, Petrol costs way more than lunch." Then he was like, "No, petrol doesn't cost that much." Then goes to my cousin, and asks her, "You drive aye? Petrol doesn't cost that much aye?" And she was like, "No. It costs a lot." And he was like "Ohh. You were suppose to be on my side!" And we all laughed and made him accept it. But he still wouldn't.
So I went to the other side of his car and went to that erm... thing you pull out (haha), storage thing? Coz that's where he puts his wallet (he doesn't use a wallet. He has this metal case thing for his cards), and he tried locking his doors from the drivers side and he failed to (ahhaahha!!) so I managed to put the money in his wallet and said, the money will be there when he needs it. And that's when, it was finally time for us to say our goodbyes for real. I was so sad.
But then again, when my cousin and S came out, he thought it was my aunty, and even THEN! He didn't pull me away. Even though I told him it wasn't my aunty but he kept saying it was, he still kept on hugging me and said in a joking way, that I'd have to explain to them (aunty and uncle) about our hugging situtation as well as then having to explain to my parents. I didn't care. I just wanted him. But it turned out to be my cousin and S.
When we walked in the house, S was like, from a distance. You guys look like you were in a kissing position. I laughed and told her there were no kissing involved. Hugging only. She was like, "Oh, it jus looked like it." I just smiled and wish it was.. haha.
*Sigggghhhh* I'm off in my own litle world ... haha. I have made mu decision. I want K and he's all I want. I'm not gonna regret going out with him coz some other hot guy suddenly walks into my life. Well at least I hope not. I hope we don't lose our communication and our closeness that we had built during all those days that we spent together just building on that closeness.
I miss him so much right now.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Apple of my Eye
I think I have totally fallen for him. Well maybe not totally. But like, I haven't felt this way about someone for a veryyyyyy long time.I really like him. So maybe I can't really say that I "love" him. Coz I think that may be a bit too strong for now.
Like, everything that he texts me, seems to have some sort of "hidden" meaning to it. Like, it makes me feel like he really does care about me (and prehaps, like me). Or maybe it's just that he's like this to all the girls that he knows? Like show his caring side to them? I don't know aye.... All I know so far is that I don't think I will tell him until he says something about it first. As usual. I don't like to tell somebody that Iike them first. Coz it's embarrassing if I got rejected. Though it will be embarrassing for the guy who says it too.
Like, everything that he texts me, seems to have some sort of "hidden" meaning to it. Like, it makes me feel like he really does care about me (and prehaps, like me). Or maybe it's just that he's like this to all the girls that he knows? Like show his caring side to them? I don't know aye.... All I know so far is that I don't think I will tell him until he says something about it first. As usual. I don't like to tell somebody that Iike them first. Coz it's embarrassing if I got rejected. Though it will be embarrassing for the guy who says it too.
Friday, June 18, 2010
What I see
And to add, what do I actually see in him? Well. I had a very big thinking session yesterday. (Well, maybe not that big, just occasionally when I had nothing to do and was zoning out -as usual).
I have 'realized' that what I actually like about K is NOT the fact that he has a car and can go driving me around. Coz even if I do go out with him, he doesn't live in PN, so it wouldn't affect me anyways, whether he has a car or not. He can only drive me around when he's here in PN or if I'm in Auckland and he's not working. So that's not a reason wy I like him.
I like him because fo who he is. I mean, he's sweet, kind and is romantic. A lot of girls love that. I mean, there are some bad thing/points about him. Like his height... We're like practically the same height. But according to him, I'm taller than him by a bit. When I wear heels, it'd be sooo obvious that I'm taller than him and would look weird in a way. But then again, I guess if I loved him for who he was, I'd accept that. And right now, I don't mind it. Though sometimes I do. And another thing.. I know he's not the most good-looking guy out there. But then again, what's the point in finding a handsome guy to be your boyfriend? He's just gonna get snatched away by some other girl or that you're gonna be having some serious competition with the other girls out there.
So! I guess I like him for who he is. Not for what advantages I can get out of him.
I have 'realized' that what I actually like about K is NOT the fact that he has a car and can go driving me around. Coz even if I do go out with him, he doesn't live in PN, so it wouldn't affect me anyways, whether he has a car or not. He can only drive me around when he's here in PN or if I'm in Auckland and he's not working. So that's not a reason wy I like him.
I like him because fo who he is. I mean, he's sweet, kind and is romantic. A lot of girls love that. I mean, there are some bad thing/points about him. Like his height... We're like practically the same height. But according to him, I'm taller than him by a bit. When I wear heels, it'd be sooo obvious that I'm taller than him and would look weird in a way. But then again, I guess if I loved him for who he was, I'd accept that. And right now, I don't mind it. Though sometimes I do. And another thing.. I know he's not the most good-looking guy out there. But then again, what's the point in finding a handsome guy to be your boyfriend? He's just gonna get snatched away by some other girl or that you're gonna be having some serious competition with the other girls out there.
So! I guess I like him for who he is. Not for what advantages I can get out of him.
Does he?
I'd like to know whether he feels the same for me. I mean, last night, we were texting and I said that "Oh. Seems like you know me better than I know myself hahaha." Then he replies saying, "Haha. Maybe I notice you more that anyone else. Or you can alsi say that I care more than you that anyone else. Don't force me to say anymore, or the trust will come out. Haha. Sorry I had too much to dtink. Hahaha." I mean yeah, it sorta doesn't make any sense, but we get what it means, right? I mean, he suppose to say, "...I care more about you than anyone else" and "...or the truth will come out" not "trust". So. I dunno. Does he like me too or did he just say it out of the blue coz he was drinking and probably wasn't thinking straight?
After a few texts, he said that he was going to sleep (it was likev 12.05am), and said good night to me and all. I replied saying that I hope he sleeps well. Good night and sweet dreams. Then for the second time, he says, "Thanks Q. Love you." and I just replied back with..... "Love you too." I mean was that wrong to say? I do like him though. I have thought about it.. I mean, if he doesn't like me that way and has that other girl that he likes in Auckland, why is he talking to me like that? And don't tell me he is pretending that I am her and hoping that he could say all that stuff to her... It better not be. But if not... What other reasons are there? He likes me too? I dunno about that. He's tipsy? But he's a strong drinker. Pretending I am her? Hmm. Probably. Arrgh! he's giving me mixed signals!!!! @__@ I don't like that *sniff*
Oh so many possibilities. He's so nice to me. Like yesterday, I forgot to bring my assignment to uni and he happened to txt me a couple of minutes or so later. And I was planning to take the bus home and back or leave it till tomorrow. But when I told him my situation, he offered to drive me home and back to uni. I mean, I thought T was the only one that would actually do that. Coz I know that he likes me and all. And he's a good friend, coz quite a few times, he thought that I had a boyfriend, but was still willing to help me out and talk to me like normal friends. Coz usually, when a guy finds out or knows that a girl is taken, they usually back off a bit, keep a distance from you, coz they don't want to stir up any trouble between him and the boyfriend. So yeah. That's what I want in friends. And I guess you could say, because of that, I don't really want a boyfriend yet. Coz I want to be close to all my guy friends and not have any of them feel that just coz I'm taken, it means that we should hang out less.
Anyways! Going a bit off topic here (haha). So, what I'd like to know is, whether K feels the same for me too. Coz of all that stuff that he said to me. Well texted me. I think I will keep all those texts for a while... Haha. Man I'm weird. Soon, we will be travelling up to Auckland (with my BFF, S). So, I can't wait and hope that I get some alone time with him when I'm up there in Auckland! :) And at the same time, being able to hang out with my cousins, relatives and other friends up there.
So... MAYBE our relationship will get a tad bit closer while we are in Auckland? Ahaha. I'm dreaming big, ain't I? haha. But we'll see how it goes. But I still, REALLY REALLY want to know, if he likes me that way too....
After a few texts, he said that he was going to sleep (it was likev 12.05am), and said good night to me and all. I replied saying that I hope he sleeps well. Good night and sweet dreams. Then for the second time, he says, "Thanks Q. Love you." and I just replied back with..... "Love you too." I mean was that wrong to say? I do like him though. I have thought about it.. I mean, if he doesn't like me that way and has that other girl that he likes in Auckland, why is he talking to me like that? And don't tell me he is pretending that I am her and hoping that he could say all that stuff to her... It better not be. But if not... What other reasons are there? He likes me too? I dunno about that. He's tipsy? But he's a strong drinker. Pretending I am her? Hmm. Probably. Arrgh! he's giving me mixed signals!!!! @__@ I don't like that *sniff*
Oh so many possibilities. He's so nice to me. Like yesterday, I forgot to bring my assignment to uni and he happened to txt me a couple of minutes or so later. And I was planning to take the bus home and back or leave it till tomorrow. But when I told him my situation, he offered to drive me home and back to uni. I mean, I thought T was the only one that would actually do that. Coz I know that he likes me and all. And he's a good friend, coz quite a few times, he thought that I had a boyfriend, but was still willing to help me out and talk to me like normal friends. Coz usually, when a guy finds out or knows that a girl is taken, they usually back off a bit, keep a distance from you, coz they don't want to stir up any trouble between him and the boyfriend. So yeah. That's what I want in friends. And I guess you could say, because of that, I don't really want a boyfriend yet. Coz I want to be close to all my guy friends and not have any of them feel that just coz I'm taken, it means that we should hang out less.
Anyways! Going a bit off topic here (haha). So, what I'd like to know is, whether K feels the same for me too. Coz of all that stuff that he said to me. Well texted me. I think I will keep all those texts for a while... Haha. Man I'm weird. Soon, we will be travelling up to Auckland (with my BFF, S). So, I can't wait and hope that I get some alone time with him when I'm up there in Auckland! :) And at the same time, being able to hang out with my cousins, relatives and other friends up there.
So... MAYBE our relationship will get a tad bit closer while we are in Auckland? Ahaha. I'm dreaming big, ain't I? haha. But we'll see how it goes. But I still, REALLY REALLY want to know, if he likes me that way too....
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Just Can't....
It seems like I cannot let go of K right now... I mean, whenever there is a chance to go see him, I totally go for it, whether I'm only going to see him for like a couple hours or whether it would be more than that.
I think about him all the time. I don't know whether it's because I like him, due to the fact that he has a car and can like drive me around and all whenever I need or want him to. But... I know I think about him a lot, and wish and hope for him to text me.
Maybe after my trip to Auckland and we sort of stop communicating, I will start to forget about those feelings that I have for him. I mean, we still do text when he's back up in Auckland. But just not as often as we would text when he's down here in PN for a holiday. I guess that's how we get closer and also how we grow further apart when he's back in Auckland.
But then again, I don't know why I'm still thinking about him, when yet I know that he likes (or well at least that's what I think) someone else?? I mean, yesterday he asked me where to get those paper for folding those little stars. He like bought quite a lot. I don't know whether he is telling the truth about, he's buying it so he can fold it when he's bored. Or whether he is folding all thsoe stars for a girl. The girl that he likes.
I mean, yeah, they are only stars. But that's not the point. I mean, a guy going through all that time to go fold you that many stars. Not only does it take time, it also takes patience and money. So, for a guy to go through all that, is hard to see/have.
I guess that's what I'm annoyed about. Him folding that many stars for some other girl... But then again, he is quite a romantic person. Something that a lot of girls like.
I seriously don't know what I see in him. I mean, he's short and I know he doesn't mind the fact that he's short. He's not that good looking compared to HI. But I think it's the person inside him that I like. Though sometimes, he looks or gives off that impression that he doesn't care about you at all. But I don't know whether that's how he is or what. I know that he is caring at times. Like that night when we were in Wellington, he kept asking if I was cold and all and lent me his jacket.
I want to see him all the time. OK. Maybe not all the time, just whenever I can. Coz I don't think I'm that obsessed with him yet (haha) so yeah. I dress up for him (like dress nicely - nothing dirty alright??!) although.. I think I do that to every guy anyways, but the sad thing is, if I wear high heels around K, I'm like literally taller than him. And that's something I don't like. He says he doesn't mind. But I do. I don't like it when a guy is shorter than me -friend or not. But when I don't wear heels, I guess we're about the same height, or either one of us are taller than the other.
Well, soon i get to go to Auckland with him and spend some time with him. Although my best friend, S is coming along with me/us. I would LOVE to spend some alone and quality time with K, but then again, when we are alone, like just us two, it CAN get a tad awkward, coz we don't have that much to say after a while. So then again, I guess it's alright if we don't get some time alone together.
But I know for sure, I'll have fun with alone or not alone with him! :)
I think about him all the time. I don't know whether it's because I like him, due to the fact that he has a car and can like drive me around and all whenever I need or want him to. But... I know I think about him a lot, and wish and hope for him to text me.
Maybe after my trip to Auckland and we sort of stop communicating, I will start to forget about those feelings that I have for him. I mean, we still do text when he's back up in Auckland. But just not as often as we would text when he's down here in PN for a holiday. I guess that's how we get closer and also how we grow further apart when he's back in Auckland.
But then again, I don't know why I'm still thinking about him, when yet I know that he likes (or well at least that's what I think) someone else?? I mean, yesterday he asked me where to get those paper for folding those little stars. He like bought quite a lot. I don't know whether he is telling the truth about, he's buying it so he can fold it when he's bored. Or whether he is folding all thsoe stars for a girl. The girl that he likes.
I mean, yeah, they are only stars. But that's not the point. I mean, a guy going through all that time to go fold you that many stars. Not only does it take time, it also takes patience and money. So, for a guy to go through all that, is hard to see/have.
I guess that's what I'm annoyed about. Him folding that many stars for some other girl... But then again, he is quite a romantic person. Something that a lot of girls like.
I seriously don't know what I see in him. I mean, he's short and I know he doesn't mind the fact that he's short. He's not that good looking compared to HI. But I think it's the person inside him that I like. Though sometimes, he looks or gives off that impression that he doesn't care about you at all. But I don't know whether that's how he is or what. I know that he is caring at times. Like that night when we were in Wellington, he kept asking if I was cold and all and lent me his jacket.
I want to see him all the time. OK. Maybe not all the time, just whenever I can. Coz I don't think I'm that obsessed with him yet (haha) so yeah. I dress up for him (like dress nicely - nothing dirty alright??!) although.. I think I do that to every guy anyways, but the sad thing is, if I wear high heels around K, I'm like literally taller than him. And that's something I don't like. He says he doesn't mind. But I do. I don't like it when a guy is shorter than me -friend or not. But when I don't wear heels, I guess we're about the same height, or either one of us are taller than the other.
Well, soon i get to go to Auckland with him and spend some time with him. Although my best friend, S is coming along with me/us. I would LOVE to spend some alone and quality time with K, but then again, when we are alone, like just us two, it CAN get a tad awkward, coz we don't have that much to say after a while. So then again, I guess it's alright if we don't get some time alone together.
But I know for sure, I'll have fun with alone or not alone with him! :)
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Give up?
I went down to Wellington with K yesterday, along with C as well. And during that day. You could say it was fun and different to what I do daily here in PN. But like, as the second or whatever, time, goes by, that I am hanging out with K, I feel like we're getting closer and closer to each other coz of the fact that we are seeing or hanging out with each other so much.
But anyways, the point is, during that whole day that we were together, I felt that MAYBE he had some feelings for me. Coz he like you know, jokingly put his arm around me and said, "If I put my arm around you, then people will know that you are taken by me." I laughed, but in a way, I don't know, but like, it felt good, but sort of like it didn't mean that much to me either. He also put his hand around my waist.. or my back, should I say? Yeah, that felt nice in a way. (Nothing dirty or anything OK??) He also asked me whether I was cold and offered and lent me his jacket. Like he insisted on me to wear it coz it was cold. I mean it was very nice of him. But like, I dunno. I don't know why he did all those gestures, even though knowingly it was just like a joke and nothing serious. And like why he cared that much really, even though he said that if I caught a cold, my mom would probably go psycho at him (haha). But, ARRGH. Like he doesn't do these kinds of things often to me. So I don't know. ><>
But all my happy happy fa la la la la feelings towards him soon changed. Coz as we (me, K, C and their other friend whom I just meet properly, HO (he's a guy by the way. Just the "abbreviation is a tad.. strange haha), walked to the beach in Wellington, he called someone (most likely a girl), coz he said something like that person has a presentation tomorrow or something and was wanting to wish that person good luck.
I mean, the conversation probably lasted for like 10 - 20 minutes or so. But like still, he was like talking very nice and soothingly towards that person. And I know that a guy like him would least likely to be calling a guy a 9.30pm just to wish them good luck. So it had to be a girl. But either way, I guess you could say I got a tad jealous. Coz knowingly he never actually calls me to wish me good luck for anything. Not even my exams!! But anyways, I guess we aren't really that close anyways. Coz I'm sure that person whom he called lives in Auckland like him. So... yeah.. I dunno.
And then during that walk to the beach and all, he and C kept like annoying me with always bringing uip R. Like saying, "Oh she's quiet coz she misses R and wishes to talk to him and keep her warm." and "She must be texting R." And all those stupid lines. But like ARRGH. It gets sooo freakin' fustrating and annoying. Besides the fact that it IS K who is like joining in as well. It's like, gosh! stop it will you guys?? But then again, I don't want to come across as some agro girl.
So as K was driving us back to PN at about 10.30pm, I felt quite exhausted and tired and sleepy as well. I slept for a bit then woke up coz the ride got too bumpy and I couldn't really sleep properly. And so I woke up and starting thinking to myself, why is he being so nice to me, yet he has that special someone already?? I mean, yeah, he can keep his options open (kind of like the way I am -I think) but like ... I don't know. He shouldn't be so nice to me and then let me know that he's got that special someone too.
Now I think, do I really like him, or is this another one of my guy-liking phases?? I guess, out of all the guys I know, the only guys I'd most likely to give it a go, is with HI, K or A. So... I dunno, we'll see how everything goes. Like, I don't want to know that K has a girlfriend later on the years, though it would be a good thing, considering he is... getting old. And obviously his parents would want him to get married and start a family. I'm still young and don't want to get tied down already. So... In a way, I guess I could say, "If he's happy, I'm happy."
But anyways, the point is, during that whole day that we were together, I felt that MAYBE he had some feelings for me. Coz he like you know, jokingly put his arm around me and said, "If I put my arm around you, then people will know that you are taken by me." I laughed, but in a way, I don't know, but like, it felt good, but sort of like it didn't mean that much to me either. He also put his hand around my waist.. or my back, should I say? Yeah, that felt nice in a way. (Nothing dirty or anything OK??) He also asked me whether I was cold and offered and lent me his jacket. Like he insisted on me to wear it coz it was cold. I mean it was very nice of him. But like, I dunno. I don't know why he did all those gestures, even though knowingly it was just like a joke and nothing serious. And like why he cared that much really, even though he said that if I caught a cold, my mom would probably go psycho at him (haha). But, ARRGH. Like he doesn't do these kinds of things often to me. So I don't know. ><>
But all my happy happy fa la la la la feelings towards him soon changed. Coz as we (me, K, C and their other friend whom I just meet properly, HO (he's a guy by the way. Just the "abbreviation is a tad.. strange haha), walked to the beach in Wellington, he called someone (most likely a girl), coz he said something like that person has a presentation tomorrow or something and was wanting to wish that person good luck.
I mean, the conversation probably lasted for like 10 - 20 minutes or so. But like still, he was like talking very nice and soothingly towards that person. And I know that a guy like him would least likely to be calling a guy a 9.30pm just to wish them good luck. So it had to be a girl. But either way, I guess you could say I got a tad jealous. Coz knowingly he never actually calls me to wish me good luck for anything. Not even my exams!! But anyways, I guess we aren't really that close anyways. Coz I'm sure that person whom he called lives in Auckland like him. So... yeah.. I dunno.
And then during that walk to the beach and all, he and C kept like annoying me with always bringing uip R. Like saying, "Oh she's quiet coz she misses R and wishes to talk to him and keep her warm." and "She must be texting R." And all those stupid lines. But like ARRGH. It gets sooo freakin' fustrating and annoying. Besides the fact that it IS K who is like joining in as well. It's like, gosh! stop it will you guys?? But then again, I don't want to come across as some agro girl.
So as K was driving us back to PN at about 10.30pm, I felt quite exhausted and tired and sleepy as well. I slept for a bit then woke up coz the ride got too bumpy and I couldn't really sleep properly. And so I woke up and starting thinking to myself, why is he being so nice to me, yet he has that special someone already?? I mean, yeah, he can keep his options open (kind of like the way I am -I think) but like ... I don't know. He shouldn't be so nice to me and then let me know that he's got that special someone too.
Now I think, do I really like him, or is this another one of my guy-liking phases?? I guess, out of all the guys I know, the only guys I'd most likely to give it a go, is with HI, K or A. So... I dunno, we'll see how everything goes. Like, I don't want to know that K has a girlfriend later on the years, though it would be a good thing, considering he is... getting old. And obviously his parents would want him to get married and start a family. I'm still young and don't want to get tied down already. So... In a way, I guess I could say, "If he's happy, I'm happy."
Monday, June 14, 2010
Stuck in the Middle. . .
Now I have realized, how hard it is to choose between two guys, regardless of what the reasons are. (Like whether they both like you or that you like both of them).
So it goes like this, H likes me and he sort of like recently started sweet talking me and like sort of constantly reminding me of the fact that he likes me. Coz before, he wouldn't mention it and neither of us would. But now it's like getting brought up constantly and like pretty much everyday. In a way, he is sort of getting to me with all this sweet talk and constant talks about his feelings and all. Like, I feel that, maybe it is OK if I go out with him. Like yes, I have thought about it. For a while now. But then I know that before, you could say, that I DID sort of had teeny tiny feelings for K. So here comes the second part.
I've liked K since like about.... May(?), but then like he works and lives in Auckland, so we don't get to talk/text each other that often. So there goes the communication error. If we don't communicate, it feels like he's not part of my life anymore, like I don't necessarily remember him. Though I DO remember him. Just don't remember how he's actually like and all. And so that's when about like amonth later, I decide that liking him or even thinking about going out with him would be pointless, coz he's hardly around and we hardly talk when he's not here in PN. So we can't get any closer and even if we did go out, I would feel sooo sad and lonely coz he's not here with me :( and that I can't see him that often.
But then, he came back down to PN last thursday. He said he came down to celebrate my birthday and his dad's birthday. It was very touching indeed. Whether it was the truth or not, I guess, it's the thought that counts, right? So he and I text quite a lot now that he is pretty much free and doesn't have to work. And then all those feelings for him come back and that's when I push aside H.
All I want is K right now. But I know that when he does go back to Auckland, me and him will lose that part of communication again, although we do text sometimes when he's back in Auckland. But the good and thing that I'm most looking forward to IS! that the fact he's taking me up to Auckland this sunday!! Oh my gosh! I'm so excited!! xD But then soon enough, we will be 'parting' again and I'd most likely go back to H.
I guess the only thing that I'm "scared" of is the fact of me, maybe having to lose K as a friend. LIke a good friend, you know> Coz a lot of guys, tend to distance themselves to girls that are taken (suddenly) coz they don't want to cause trouble and all. So... That's why I don't want to go out with anyone right now really... *sigh* hard decisions huh??
So it goes like this, H likes me and he sort of like recently started sweet talking me and like sort of constantly reminding me of the fact that he likes me. Coz before, he wouldn't mention it and neither of us would. But now it's like getting brought up constantly and like pretty much everyday. In a way, he is sort of getting to me with all this sweet talk and constant talks about his feelings and all. Like, I feel that, maybe it is OK if I go out with him. Like yes, I have thought about it. For a while now. But then I know that before, you could say, that I DID sort of had teeny tiny feelings for K. So here comes the second part.
I've liked K since like about.... May(?), but then like he works and lives in Auckland, so we don't get to talk/text each other that often. So there goes the communication error. If we don't communicate, it feels like he's not part of my life anymore, like I don't necessarily remember him. Though I DO remember him. Just don't remember how he's actually like and all. And so that's when about like amonth later, I decide that liking him or even thinking about going out with him would be pointless, coz he's hardly around and we hardly talk when he's not here in PN. So we can't get any closer and even if we did go out, I would feel sooo sad and lonely coz he's not here with me :( and that I can't see him that often.
But then, he came back down to PN last thursday. He said he came down to celebrate my birthday and his dad's birthday. It was very touching indeed. Whether it was the truth or not, I guess, it's the thought that counts, right? So he and I text quite a lot now that he is pretty much free and doesn't have to work. And then all those feelings for him come back and that's when I push aside H.
All I want is K right now. But I know that when he does go back to Auckland, me and him will lose that part of communication again, although we do text sometimes when he's back in Auckland. But the good and thing that I'm most looking forward to IS! that the fact he's taking me up to Auckland this sunday!! Oh my gosh! I'm so excited!! xD But then soon enough, we will be 'parting' again and I'd most likely go back to H.
I guess the only thing that I'm "scared" of is the fact of me, maybe having to lose K as a friend. LIke a good friend, you know> Coz a lot of guys, tend to distance themselves to girls that are taken (suddenly) coz they don't want to cause trouble and all. So... That's why I don't want to go out with anyone right now really... *sigh* hard decisions huh??
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Mix Feelings. Confusion and Complications.
Hmm... So lately, as you would have known, me and H has been talking a lot. And yes, he has said before that he won't give up and that he will try to make me like him/have those feelings for him (somewhere along those lines anyways), and like, I never knew that this day would ever come... I though I'd never ever think of him this way and actually.. like him? Oh I don't even know whether I acutally like him or not!!
Like, he sweet talks a lot to me, and in a way, I take it in, and I like feel really happy deep down whenever he says it to me. He makes me smile.But then again, I know I have said that about a lot of other guys. OK. Maybe not "a lot!" but like, quite a few guys that I actually like.. Or liked before?
Arrggh! I don't know! i think about us going out, like, as a couple, and being exposed to the world. I mean, I think about everything? Like, to what we do as a couple to what will happen when we break up. Most importantly, what my mum and his 'people' (e.g. his aunty, mom, cousin) thinks. I mean, if we ever break up, would they go holding a grudge against me -or my mom?? I just hope that day will never come. But I wouldn't want to carry on a relationship if it's coz I don't want others to think of us badly. And in a way, I don't want to lose another 'good' opportunity.
Like, with my 'ex' J. So yeah... Sort of regret I never actually go out with him (couple-wise), though, it's just a LITTLE bit of regret. Not like a whole lot. I'm just real confused rightnow. I mean, I keep thinking about "other options." Am I greedy? Selfish? I dunno. Whatever.
I guess, that 'quote' that I read from this magazine is right. Something about, taking the opportunity to do what you want, is better than to, regret it (for the rest of your life) coz you did not take the opportunity. I think I will live by this now. Let me go and find that quote again. And write it out nicely... haha. Hope I'll be able to find it again.
I don't want to be playing along with him and make him fall so deep into this "trap" that he can't get out of it... Just like Je. I mean he's liked me for about 1 year or 2. And people still thinks he likes me. And yet he's got a girlfriend. So yeah... Wouldn't want H to go through that as well....
I'll have to think about it VERY VERY deeply and CAREFULLY. Don't want to make a wrong move. Though time waits for no one...
Like, he sweet talks a lot to me, and in a way, I take it in, and I like feel really happy deep down whenever he says it to me. He makes me smile.But then again, I know I have said that about a lot of other guys. OK. Maybe not "a lot!" but like, quite a few guys that I actually like.. Or liked before?
Arrggh! I don't know! i think about us going out, like, as a couple, and being exposed to the world. I mean, I think about everything? Like, to what we do as a couple to what will happen when we break up. Most importantly, what my mum and his 'people' (e.g. his aunty, mom, cousin) thinks. I mean, if we ever break up, would they go holding a grudge against me -or my mom?? I just hope that day will never come. But I wouldn't want to carry on a relationship if it's coz I don't want others to think of us badly. And in a way, I don't want to lose another 'good' opportunity.
Like, with my 'ex' J. So yeah... Sort of regret I never actually go out with him (couple-wise), though, it's just a LITTLE bit of regret. Not like a whole lot. I'm just real confused rightnow. I mean, I keep thinking about "other options." Am I greedy? Selfish? I dunno. Whatever.
I guess, that 'quote' that I read from this magazine is right. Something about, taking the opportunity to do what you want, is better than to, regret it (for the rest of your life) coz you did not take the opportunity. I think I will live by this now. Let me go and find that quote again. And write it out nicely... haha. Hope I'll be able to find it again.
I don't want to be playing along with him and make him fall so deep into this "trap" that he can't get out of it... Just like Je. I mean he's liked me for about 1 year or 2. And people still thinks he likes me. And yet he's got a girlfriend. So yeah... Wouldn't want H to go through that as well....
I'll have to think about it VERY VERY deeply and CAREFULLY. Don't want to make a wrong move. Though time waits for no one...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Brain-washed
Well, it seems that recently, me and H has been hanging out quite a lot -though not like everyday like we did for a whole week last time, but just like, hanging out whenever we can. And we text a lot as well. Like every day and night. Though sometimes we may run out of things to say, we still end up texting each other until like, 12am or sometimes later than that.
It's like our friendship is starting to get better and we're getting closer than before. It's a good thing. Though we both know, that he's got feelings for me. He says that he feels that we are MORE than just best friends. But like, I don't feel like that. I feel that we are really close friends (like best friends), but yeah.
Like, now that we are like pretty close, and like he sort of sweet talks to me, saying things such as, 'you're the first and last thing on my mind everyday.' It's like aww. Though, yes, quite a few guys has said that to me. But like, H means it. And guys that say stuff and means it, is aww!! So cute! and I have a huge weakness for cute things/people. I go all soft and everything! ><>:O Awww!! I dunno!! What should I do. Guess I better get it sorted VERY SOON!! I mean he like wishes that one day, I will like him back. But I don't want to lead him on if that day is never gonna happen...
Coz I mean, I don't think it's a good idea that we go out... Coz my mum and his mum knows each other (he doesn't know that). But like, I know this is a bad thing to think about, but like, if we do end up in a messy break up, it would be one awkward situation for my mum -if not for both mum's. So, I don't really want to put my mum through this -or his mum.
But then again, it's like, a lot fo couples have met each others parents before and may have ended their relationship -good or bad, and I'm pretty sure that their parents are till on good terms with each other.
But I dunno. Don't want to risk it yet. GAHH!! He just needs to stop sweet talking me. Coz before when he didn't, I never thought or remembered that he likes me. So now that he does, it's like ARGGH!! Nooo!! stop brain-washing me!! (haha).
Hmm... Well.. We'll see how it goes eh? Fingers Crossed(?)
It's like our friendship is starting to get better and we're getting closer than before. It's a good thing. Though we both know, that he's got feelings for me. He says that he feels that we are MORE than just best friends. But like, I don't feel like that. I feel that we are really close friends (like best friends), but yeah.
Like, now that we are like pretty close, and like he sort of sweet talks to me, saying things such as, 'you're the first and last thing on my mind everyday.' It's like aww. Though, yes, quite a few guys has said that to me. But like, H means it. And guys that say stuff and means it, is aww!! So cute! and I have a huge weakness for cute things/people. I go all soft and everything! ><>:O Awww!! I dunno!! What should I do. Guess I better get it sorted VERY SOON!! I mean he like wishes that one day, I will like him back. But I don't want to lead him on if that day is never gonna happen...
Coz I mean, I don't think it's a good idea that we go out... Coz my mum and his mum knows each other (he doesn't know that). But like, I know this is a bad thing to think about, but like, if we do end up in a messy break up, it would be one awkward situation for my mum -if not for both mum's. So, I don't really want to put my mum through this -or his mum.
But then again, it's like, a lot fo couples have met each others parents before and may have ended their relationship -good or bad, and I'm pretty sure that their parents are till on good terms with each other.
But I dunno. Don't want to risk it yet. GAHH!! He just needs to stop sweet talking me. Coz before when he didn't, I never thought or remembered that he likes me. So now that he does, it's like ARGGH!! Nooo!! stop brain-washing me!! (haha).
Hmm... Well.. We'll see how it goes eh? Fingers Crossed(?)
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