Confession

He confessed to me last night. Like finally!! The moment that I have been waiting for! Even though he told me through text. It was just so touching and made me feel so special to him.

So I told him about that girl acussing me of trying to 'steal' her boyfriend. He gave me a lot of advice and solutions to solve this problem. I mean, even he felt it was strange that the girl suddenly asked if we could be friends. But the sad thing was, that talking about this bought him back some very painful memories. I felt so bad when he told me that. I wanted to help him through it. But knowing that he won't tell and 'bring up the past' is going to be hard. He apologized that he couldn't be here for me. And said that he was happy that I told him about this problem but he couldn't do anything to ake me happy again.

He's so sweet. He concuded that it was the guy's fault for talking to another girl instead of his girlfriend. I asked him, is it wrong to talk with the opposite sex if you are in a relationship. He gave me this very good and satisfying answer, Which was, "What I think is that when in a relationship, both male and female shout meet each others friends. One way it shows that they are in a relationship infront of friends. Second show the other friends that might have and interest in him or her that he or she is already taken. And all that could eliminate jealousy between the two when tlking to the opposite sex." I really like this explaination. I then asked him, what if the couple lived in different places? Like one live in Auckland and the other live in PN? Then how will they be able to meet each others friends? He then replied with another satisfying answer. "Then you should have photos taken together. Then they will understand."

I guess with all his answers are satisfying to me, coz this is probably something that I have been wanting to hear from someone else other than myself. Coz now I know, that there is someone else who thinks like me (when in a relationship).

Then he tells me, "You know, I can see you have a lot of males that have fallen for you, because of your openess, attractiveness, kindness, caringness." I was like, "Whoa, how did you know?? Like how can you tell?" He then said, "You really want to know?" And of course I told him that I did [want to know]. He replied with "Because you are who you are." I got a bit confused with that, so I asked him what that meant. He then said, "Do you remember sometime ago. When I asked you, How come you don't have a boyfriend? You reply you don't want one yet. Do you remember that?" I was like, yeah... But what does that got to do with anything? (Answering my question).

He then repeated the question of 'You really want to know, don't you?' I told him once again, I did want to know. He replied with a :) and I was like... literally dot dot dot + - _ -; face (haha). But I just told him that it doesn't answer my question and that he should tell me coz I wanted to know. So he then replied with a full answer. A very good answer. I loved it. Which was:

"I know you have a lot of male problems because I also have fallen for you. I don't know when it happened, but every time I see you my heart beats fast, and when I don't se you I think of you. I wanted ask you to give me a chance, give us a chance. But I'm afraid of losing you and the bond between us. And also your reply to the question."

After reading that, I felt SOO touched. Like, it was happy as well as surprised. My eyes started to swell up tears. Tears of happiness not sadness. I just couldn't stop smiling. My face turned all red. I mean, just imagine him telling me this face-to-face. I'd be so.. embarassed -but in a good way. If you know what I mean. I replied if he wanted to know the truth and the answer. He replied that he was afraid. I told him to to be afraid and that if he wanted, I'd tell him the answer and the truth whenever he is ready. He said that he is happy that im here for him when he is unhappy and sad. I told him that, I have already told him that I will always be here for him. Always. He told me that I was sweet and that he didn't want to lose me. I said to him that he would never lose me. And to trust me on that. He just replied that he he misses me right now. I was like AWW! Miss you too! And I mean it.

Then he said that he's going to sleep now coz the more he talks to me the more he misses me. And that he needs to control this feeling because if one day, I leave him, he will lose everything. I felt so sad to hear that. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted him to text me day and night (when possible). I don't want him to control his feelings. I want it to grow like the feelings that I have for him too.

But now he knows that I will ALWAYS be here for him. No matter what. He promised me that he will tell me everything that is on his mind. Whether it's happy things or unhappy things. I just want to be there for him and want him to know that I will always be here for him, whenever he feels lonely or sad and needs someone that he can turn to and comfort him or share his happiness with.

I'm so happy that he doesn't want to lose the bond that we have as well. Coz like I said before, I want to keep our bond and make it stronger rather than having it to be distanced again and having to 'rebuild' that closeness again.

That whole time, all I wanted was him to be right with me. I wanted to hug him and lean on him. I can't wait till he comes back to PN. Though I know it will be a while... Like maybe in July/August. That is such a long wait... I want to see him right now and talk to him. I want to be with him. I just want him.. So bad.. I miss him so much. I hope he won't forget about me too much during the next couple of months. Coz I know I won't. He's changed me. And he, is the only one in my heart.