New Years' Eve

Spent New Years' at The Square, once again, this year. This time, I went with my younger sis and her boyfriend. I really wished that my boyfriend was here to celebrate the New Year with me. But I understand that he's got work so he can't :(

But hte fireworks this year was sooo much better than the previous years! I even videoed it haha. There were a long of younger kids around too this year. After 12 midnight and the fireworks, we all went to Highflyers to go clubbing, as my sister hasn't been before. I guess it wasn't as fun as lasst year when I went with my BFF, S and this other girl. But oh well. Had to go home early coz I had work the next day AND I wanted to talk to my boyfriend before we both slept :)

I miss him heaps.

Wrong Address

So apparently, I DID send the gift to my Honey to the WRONG address!!!! Oh my Gosh. I had sent it to number 25 instead of 65!!! Oh. I don't even know how I managed to do such thing!!! D: I was soo sure that I had writen down "65" not "25".

Well, as soon as I got it back, I went straight to the post office to send it back to my Honey, coz I didn't want him to wait any longer for his present :( And HAD to make sure it was "65" this time.

Oh. I hope he gets it this time!!!

Boxing Day

Went to work this morning at 8.15am with a 8.30am start to the day! Sheesh. I have never woken up so early ever since intermediate or high school! [Haha]. But yeah. was sooo damn busy today at work. Been working non-stop. So many people coming in to shop and all. People lining up to all the way out to the door , to pay for their clothese and all. Sheesh. Have never seen work THIS busy before! But it's a good thing in a way. Store was like totally trashed though by the end of the day.

My Honey also went off to the Coromandel Pennisula / Tauranga with his friends today. How I wish that I could go with him too! In such sunny weather! I miss him so much!

Christmas Day!!

It's Christams today!!!!!! WOOOO!!

So R called me at 11.30am this morning and we had llike an hour's talk on the phone and then I had to hang up coz I promised K that I would call him Christmas day! So I did. And then we had a couple of hours talk on the phone until 2pm. Coz he had to pick up his dad from the airport.

So for Christmas, my dearest Honey got me a diamond bracelet from Pascoes and a flower bouquet for me. he also got my little brother a T-shirt, older sister 2x necklaces and younger sister a phone holder. But she didn't like it so she donated it to me :O And of course, some Ferrero Rocher chocolates for my parents and other snack foods for me to eat :D [all this arrived days earlier of course].

And for me, I got him a Billabong belt from Amazon and a box of Hershley's Kisses. I got his parents and his sister [and kids] some chocolates. Oh. And I also wrote him a little letter about the gifts and got him a card as well. And apparently, he hasn't recieved it yet! Coz according to the post office, I had sent it to the wrong address. Oh dear :S I'm so sad he didn't get to receive it on time :(

Although I didn't get to spend Christmas day with him this year, I'm still happy that I got a chance to talk to him on the phone and till be able to text each other when he went to work :)

I can't wait till we get to have our first Christmas together :)

Big Talk

So we had this big talk about our feelings last night. It was very good. I think it was our first "big" heart-to-heart talk since we started going out. Which was very nice. Coz it's good to know some new things about your other half -whether it's going to be good things or bad things.

He talked about his ex-girlfriends. But I think when he got to his 2nd or 3rd one. He sort of couldn't really carry on, and changed the topic. I guess they did leave a huge scar on him. The he once again, stated how he feels that I don't give a damn about him sometimes and not putting my heart into this relationship. It was like a slap to the face. But I guess it really means that I still haven't showed him that I DO care about him and now, as well as, putting my heart into this relationship. I am sooo sure I DO put my heart into this relationship that we have. But I guess, not enough according to him. Then again, sometimes, I feel that HE doesn't put his heart into this relationship. So I don't know. Maybe it's coz of the fact that we're apart so much, it's hard to show? :/

Well we talked until 4am! D: And finally went to sleep. Was tiring. But was a good talk at the same time. Learnt a lot :)

Gifts

I received similar gifts from both K and R. But to be honest, R's present is more beautiful and just damn gorgeous. His [R] gift to me was this lovely chocolate bouquet, shaped like a Christmas tree. Whereas K's gift was a small little chocolate bouquet -shaped like a normal flower bouquet.

Everyone has commented that R's bouquet was more beautiful. Although no one knows that R was the one who got me that. Coz he didn't want K to know it was from him [as news spread fast]. So I had to lie to everyone that I didn't know who it was from. But K pretty much had a fair idea that it was from him. Sigh. I had to sort of dodge all those questions that he asked me :/ Sorry Honey.

But it's OK. No matter how big or small my Honey's gifts are to me, I still love them will all my heart. Coz it's from him AND it's coz he put the effort into buying me something. And that, is good enough for me. I do not ask for more :) Love him to pieces.

No Longer Sad

I'm not longer that emotional when I think about my boyfriend coz I guess it has been quite a while since he's been gone. But I do still miss him a lot! Just won't go all emotional. Although I do get a bit emotional when I see his cute photos [the one wear he wears his sexy black shirt].

Aww!! I really do want to see him very soon. Miss him so much. I guess it will take a couple of days or weeks to get over him when he goes back to Auckland.

Do I Not Care?

So my boyfriend thinks that I don't care about him [enough]. But really, deep down, I love him deep down and care for him heaps. But I guess I don't know how to show it towards him. Hmm.. Must be the case.

It really did hurt my feelings when he said that to me though. I thought I had showed it well enough towards him. But apparently not. Hmm.. I wonder how I can show him and let him know that deep down, I really do care for him that I do towards others [i.e. R]. So Yeah... Good luck to me :/

Not All About Appearance

I was watching this Cantonese drama and this line is true: 選夫君最重要是什麽？不是外表、錢財。而是內涵修養、品性德行。

So I rekon that other people shouldn't say "You/she/he can do better" and all that stuff to your friends and/or family about their other half! It's not nice! >:O


I'm saying this because people have said that I could do better than my K. Saying that he's not really my "cup of tea" and all. It hurts my feelings. I love him so much it just hurts hearing that kind of stuff about my Honey.

i don't intend to tell him about this. Coz it may hurt his feelings. So yeah. It's better to keep it as a secret, rather than telling him. Don't want to hurt his self-esteem and all. I know that he doesn't have much self-confidence in him, so don't want to wreck it more.

So Fast

It's already our 4 month anniversary. So fast eh? And soon. It will be our 6 month anniversary! Yay!!

I also have something else to say... But I seem to have forgotten :S Oh no. Getting old. Haha. Ah well. I'll remember at some point... :3

Day 3 Without You

So after texting K last night, and having him tell me that, "You are always on my mind, no matter what. I keep thinking of you all the time. And miss you heaps. And i do sometimes get emotional too and start thinking differently. Like leaving me and going out with others." After reading that text. Everything seemed to be OK. Knowing that he loves me and me only, and having me on his mind all the time, makes me soo happy! :)

But I still had that thought about his ex-girlfriend. Like, comparing me to her -again. Like, I want to know whether he had said all this kind of stuff to her before and all. I still want to know the reason why he and her broke up, after like 2 - 3 years of being together. That's pretty long I'd say. I have the urge to like, break that record. Haha.

It's hard not thinking about him. I really want to be with him. I think about him day and night. I just can't seem to get him out of my mind. I still get a tad emotional when I think about the good times we've had. But what can I do about it? :/ Just sit here and think about him and all the good times we've had.

I really wish he was here. I want to be with him all the time. But I can't :( I miss him to pieces! I miss his voice already. Even though we've talked last night on the phone :(

Day 2 Without You

So Day 2 without K getting even harder. Like when I missed the bus today for work, I just managed to burst into tears and started thinking up things like, how, without him, I'm so lost and can't do anything without him. And how much I miss him.

But when I got to work, as I was working, I just started to think that, maybe I should stop thinking about him all the time. If I get my mind off him, and think about other things, like getting distracted from thinking about him. When I'm distracted, I tend to not think about him that much and I feel much much better. I want to be the girl I was before. Independant and not having to rely on a guy, like all the time. I can rely on myself. I don't need a man to be able to live on. It's sad. I know. But what can I do? I don't want to seem like I'm that kind of girl that's desperate for a man's love and attention. And seem like I can't do without my guy. That's just uncool and yeah.

I mean, not that I won't think about him. But just that I won't think about him that much, so I don't get all emotional. I don't want to get all emotional thinking about him all the time. I need to distract myself from thinking about him. I need FRIENDS! So I can hang out with them, and think less of him. I think it is best if I don't see him that often, so that I don't have to see him leave again and be all emotional all over again. And talking on the phone may cause me to miss him more, coz I love his voice and will definitely miss it when we hang up or when he is unable to talk to me on the phone.

But I definitely miss him like crazy and wish to see him everyday, every second and minute. But I know I can't. Then again, I'm sure that this long-distance will help make our relationship stronger. And like what I've been told, "If it's meant to be. It's meant to be. You cannot force it."

So.. Then again, it's all up to fate to decide whether we were meant to be together or not.. But I DO hope we are meant to be together -forever :) I love him so much. And miss him to pieces too!

Day 1 Without You

Seeing his photos are the only way to make me feel like he is close to me. Sleeping is harder, knowing that he isn't even that close to me, makes it harder for me to sleep. I don't know why, but when he was here, I felt that I could sleep faster, easier and better. But now that he's gone, I feel that I can't get to sleep that easily... It takes me ages to fall asleep.

I miss him so much. I cry when I think about all the memories of me and him together. I only have his photos to remember him and all the memories we had. I'm so glad that we took lots of photos together and all those photos that I managed to take of him. He's just so cute and adorable. I absolutely ADORE his hair, when he has taken a shower [and washed his hair. It's soo FLUFFY!!! I love it. So cute! I took so many photos of him with his cute fluffy hair xD

When I look at those photos, I get all teary. Coz of the fact of how much I miss him and cute he looks. I miss him like crazy. It feels like I'm lost without him :(

Saying Goodbye

So he left today at 3.15pm. It was soo damn hard saying goodbye to him. I told myself not to cry, but tears just had to burst out of my eyes. I couldn't help it. I can't bear to see him leave again. But I know he has to.

He arrived safely in Auckland at 10.25pm. Glad he made it back safely.

We managed to make the most of it today, before he had to leave. Although we spent some time at my place -just having fun. Then going to Kitchen Studio with him and then with his dad. You can't say that we had fun. But spending time with him, was all I asked for that day. We eventually had lunch at around 2pm at Sushi House. It was just sad, seeing the time go by so fast.

When he dropped me home. I really didn't want to let him go. He seemed like he was handling it fine. But I got so emotional. I didn't want to. But I had to. Seeing him go, is just so painful.

Since [last] Saturday night, I have been crying myself in bed, thinking about the day that he is going to leave. I just burst into tears. I cannot cry out loud and let others hear me or see me cry. They will think I'm just being silly. So yeah.. Crying every night in bed, thinking of him. All the good memories and all. I don't even know why I cry coz of something like that.. :/

Movie Date

This morning, we went to watch a movie. The Social Network, it was called. It wasn't that much of a great movie. A tad boring. But oh well. At least I got to spend some time with my Honey :)

After the movie, we went to have lunch at The Bean Cafe. After that, we got a bit bored, we drove around town for a bit, and then decided to go to his place.

His dad was at home. It's always scary meeting/seeing his dad. Coz I don't know what to say to him and like, my Chinese sucks. So I don't want to screw up with my words, when talking to him xD And his dad doesn't talk much, so it does get a tad awkward when K isn't around or is busy doing something else.

But his dad is very nice. He even offered some soup for me. Although it was bitter. It was still very kind of him :) His dad left to the T.A.B to gamble, according to K. So we were left alone in the house. So I started looking through K's photo's in his laptop.

There were a lot. And finally, I managed to see a photo of his beloved ex-girlfriend. From a distance [in the photo's] she looked damn fine. But close up, she looked kinda.. Fat.. I gotta admit. Not that I have anything against her. But that's the truth. His second ex-girlfriend was soo much hotter looking than her -no offense to her or him [K]. But that's also the truth. I could see in those photos, he looked very happy to see her. She was the only one [ex-girlfriend] in his laptop, to have her own folder [named after her with her pictures inside].

I can tell that, she really meant a lot to him. And still does mean a lot to him. Now, all those feelings of, comparing me to her are back. I don't know why. Maybe I am jealous? But it's just an uneasy feeling when you know your boyfriend tells you he loves you only, and has you in his heart only, when he has photos and memories of him and his "most memorable relationship" with his ex-girlfriend. It's just.. Not a good feeling.

Either way, there is no room for me to be angry/upset/unhappy with him right now. I don't get to see him soon. So, it's best to keep things happy while he is still here. Instead of being upset at each other or stuff like that. I want happy memories with him. Not unhappy ones while he's here.

Cooking Together

Last night at his place, after I finished work at Valleygirl, me and my Honey went grocery shopping at Pak 'n' Save for dinner. It was fun grocery shopping with him :)

When we got to his place, we started cooking. I made a fruit salad -with cherries, apples, bananas, strawberries + chocolate dipping sauce :D Took me like 1hr to make that haha. And he made udon with a Miso soup base and had bacon on top. Also had some steamed chicken drumsticks and sausages. We had chicken corn soup afterwards. And of course, my lovely fruit salad for dessert. Was soo good.

What's even better was, while I was eating my big bowl of fruit salad, my dearest boyfriend, went to wash the dishes. There were like TONS of things to wash. He's so sweet. Washing the dishes :) I got a bit lonely eating the salad and watching drama on my own, so I took some fruit to him and fed it to him. And started feeling him up while he was washing the dishes. Wahahahaha! It was so much fun. Coz he couldn't get me back, as his hands were wet xD

Aww.. I had such a good night with him. Cooking with him is so much fun. I'm so glad that he wagged those two days of work just to stay a little longer with me :) Although it's bad to wag work. But I guess it was worth it? :D I hope we can have fun like this when we move in together one day :D Hehe xD

He's going to leave next week for sure. I will definitely miss him.

I Can Do Better?

So I've been told today, that I could do better. And by that, they mean that I could find a better boyfriend than K. When I heard that, I was like damn shocked! I mean, before, I knew that someone would fire that at me. Like, asking me why I'm going out with that guy etc etc. But like, things were going so smoothly, and no one had even mentioned or pointed out a "bad" thing -besides his height, that I just wasn't ready for something like that.

One friend, looked at him and said to my [younger] sister that I could do better. Someone else [whom I'm not going to name] said all this crap about him, so much that I didn't want to listen. I defended my boyfriend as much as I could. I want to hate this person. But I cannot. She has her own thoughts, and I cannot stop her thinking like that. And another person said that he [K] was alright -not bad. But not my cup of tea.

Once all that was fired up at me, I suddenly had all these negative thoughts running through my head. Like, did I really make the right choice? Is he really the one for me? Is he really THAT bad? And all that stuff.

I know that I love him to pieces, but having all that thrown at me, isn't something that everyone can handle. Considering, I know that my boyfriend isn't the most good looking guy in this world. But he has a heart of gold. And I love him to pieces. But all of these remarks, are making me think twice........ I shouldn't be thinking like this.. But I am.. :/

Wellington!!

Yesterday we went to Wellington with C. When we got down there, we picked up Hi and then went into the city and meet up with Ho [aka. Al]. We had lunch at this Cambodian restaurant at Courtenay Place. Then Ho had to go to work.

So it was just us 4 [me, K, C and Hi]. We went to Lower Hutt for about a couple of hours and then went back to Wellington for dinner with Ho. But we walked around for a bit before having dinner at 7pm together, at this Chinese restaurant in the city. It wasn't that nice. But you could say it was filling.

After that, we all went to take a walk to the beach, as we were all so full. It was darn windy and cold in Wellington! But was soo hot and stuffy in PN! So all I wore was a mini skirt and sandals [i bought a jacket so it was OK and bought a pair of shorts at SUPRE when we were in Lower Hutt -and K paid for it as well!! xO]. It was less cold without the skirt haha.

After that, we went to this lovely dessert place, called Strawberry Fare, I think it was. That place is amazing [their dessert]. We went there the last time [me and K] we were there in Wellington.

Afterwards, we said out goodbyes to Ho and Hi. And drove back to PN. We arrived at about 11.45pm.

It was a tiring day but you know what? It was damn worth the time and energy! I love hanging out with my boyfriend! He's the best! I don't want him to leave :(

Daddy's Birthday

Yesterday was daddy's birthday, and K had already bought a birthday cake for him from Auckland. The cake was just so damn beautiful! Dad was soo surprised that we had got him a cake [although it was K who paid for it and bought it down with him].

K stayed for dinner as well. And bought daddy a bottle of red wine as a birthday gift. I just feel so proud of my Honey. He just always know how to make the elderly proud of him or just happy with him :) Mum told dad that it was K who bought the cake down especially for him, all the way from Auckland. He was quite happy about that :)

Aww! Another couple of days and my Honey is gonna leave me and go back to Auckland. I'm going to miss him soo much! :(

Buying Me Stuff

My Honey bought me clothes for the very first time @Valleygirl a couple of days ago [Thursday]. And I know that, if I didn't get discounts at Valleygirl, It would've been over $100. So luckily, I get discounts there, so he only had to spend $65 on my clothing :D

I just got a denim vest, a grey leopard print t-shirt [quite flow-y and see through -but not quite] and a denim mini skirt :) I love him to pieces. These will be the clothes that I will wear all the time and treasure. Coz he bought them for me! But then again, I don't want to wear it all the time, coz I don't want to get them dirty as or worn out x(

New Plymouth!

Went to New Plymouth with my Honey and my younger sister today. Although we had a time limit, as we had to be back in PN around 4.30pm - 5pm [coz I had to go back to my parents shop to work :(]. We had an alright trip.

Didn't really do much, just went to the mall there and went to the coastline of New Plymouth. It was darn windy! And I was wearing my maxi dress. It was sunny though. Just windy. So windy and cold I had to hold on tight to my beloved boyfriend. Such a good feeling, just hugging him tightly :)

I/we just felt sorry for my younger sister coz her boyfriend didn't come and she looked sad and left out, as me and K were so cuddly :) Poor sis :(

On the way back to PN though, we took a lot of photos together -yes. While he was driving. Yes. I know it was dangerous and all. But it was fun at the same time. I'm so happy we got our first photos together :)

He's Here!!!!!

YUS!! He's back tonight!! Oh gosh! I am soo happy and excited! I hope I'll be able to see him tonight when he arrives in PN!! xD I'm going to run up to him and give a BIGGGG hug like I did the last time he came back!!

Oh how much I have missed my dearest boyfriend :( I never want to let him go! x( I love him so much! Only a couple more hours or so, and my boyfriend is officially in town!!!!!!!!! WOOPPPEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! xDD

Back Soon!

He's back soon!!! My honey is back SOON!! Oh my gosh!!!!!! I am sooo excited!!! xD He's coming back tomorrow afternoon/evening -after his work @2.30pm! I hope he gets enough rest before he starts driving! :)

Oh I'm soo excited to be able to see him again!! I want to cuddle up with him and hold hands with him when I'm in town, shopping etc. It's like I've got the WHOOOLLEE week planned for us when he's back!! xD haha. Aww! I love him so much! I don't want to waste a single second when he's here! I want to make the most of it! Make all-kinds of memories with him while he is here! Coz he isn't going to be back until like Feburary 2011. So.. Gotta make the most out of it!!! :DD

I hope he drives back safely. Coz I know that he is driving back after work. And that he will be very tired. I know that he is going home to take a nap before driving, but he is still going to be tired. I hope he will arrive safely. Somehow, I think that he might get in an accident :( It's such a sad thought, but I don't know why I think like that...

I want him to arrive in one piece -no accidents! I want nothing to happen to him! I love him heaps! Don't EVER want to lose him :( Losing him, would mean that my [love] life would be meaningless without him. I hope he drives back safely.

I shall make sure to remind him, every now and then when he's driving -although it's not a good thing to be texting/reading a text while driving. But I hope he will drive slowly. Have a safe trip back honey!!!!!!!!!!! Can't wait to see you! :)

The Gift Was....!!

So we meet @Aqaba for lunch @1pm, although I was like, 10mins late xD haha. But yeah, he paid for the meal and I bought him a drink. While we were waiting for our meal to arrive, he said that there are two things that he wants to give me. I was like TWO!?!!? O___O! Oh my.

So the first thing was a heart-shaped glass jar, filled with [folded up] stars.It was gorgeous! So pretty! You could say it was the first time that I had recieved something like that. Although, K had given me something like that, but they were cranes instead of stars and it was in a box instead of in a glass jar.

After lunch, he said that he is going to collect the second gift, which was in Downtown, and that's when I guessed what it was [when he told me @Aqaba]. When he got them, it was like WHOA!!! O>O! They were sooo gorgeous! Apparently there were 12 red roses! It was just SO damn gorgeous!

I had never recieved red roses before! I have recieved pink roses, but never red ones. As everyone knows, red roses are wayy more expensive! But yeah, we walked back to R's place and we took photos of the flowers :D

I uploaded them from his computer. And within about 30mins later or so, K saw them on FB and asked who they were from, and instantly guessed that they were from R. I asked him why he thought that. He said coz I had told him that R was going to give me something for our friendship anniversary and the picture that I had taken with me in the photo, was at his place. That's why. I was like, oh ok.

I never told him who it was. R told me not to, coz K would get soo jealous and I thought that was true. I didn't want K to be so jealous. I wanted him to know, that no matter who the gift was from, it didn't matter. Coz in my heart, there is K only. But I guess it didn't quite work out? Coz I felt that he was a tad unhappy and he kept asking who it was from and yeah..

He didn't text me back for like 3hrs. I got soo worried about him! I thought that he was angry at me, for not telling him who it from from and kept avoiding the question. Coz he'd never take that long to text me back unless he was working. But it turns out that he was helping out a friend.

After that, I knew that, K is indeed very important to me, and that having him "ignore" my texts, were very sad and just... Not a good feeling. I love him so much. There is no one whom I want more, than K :)

ILY! ❤

His Gift

So R has decided there is such thing as a "BFF [best friends forever] anniversary", when I jokingly told/asked him. So now, he has this special gift for this anniversary for us.

He's keeping it very secretive, but in a way, he wants to tell me what the gift is. But he wants it to be a surprise. Hmmm... I wonder what it is aye? HE says it's quite big and not that heavy and that I probably wouldn't want to carry it home [walk/bus]. I was like, oh my God. You serious?! D:

Yeah. So K knows about this, coz I have told him before [like a couple of weeks before?] and yeah, I don't think he's too happy about this? :/

Well! We'll see what the gift is tomorrow! As he is giving it to me tomorrow after lunch.

Can't Let Go

I have realized that letting him go, is harder than I thought it would be [at first]. Although sometimes I gotta admit, it certainly IS painful to be waiting for him constantly for days, weeks and months. But I know, deep down, I love this guy very much and letting him go, is not an option.

I told him on the phone that I feel like I'm "suffering" and it's painful that I have to wait sooo long just to see him -and I'm not saying that he's not waiting to see me or anything. But it's like, why does my first relationship HAVE to be a long-distance relationship?! Maybe this is one of the things that I have too "sacrifice", considering how "perfect" my first love is.

When I told him all this [suffering and painful], he felt very sad, and asked if I wanted to leave him, and of course I said NO! I mean, yeah, I know it would hurt him to hear me say such thing. But I just wanted to get it off my chest. Waiting for someone you truly love, is damn HARD and PAINFUL!

I don't ever want to leave him. He's perfect in every way. I can't wait till the day that I get to move in with him :) Yeah... I think this is what they call "falling in love" eh? I love him so much, that no one in this world could EVER replace him :)

All Better

So we are all good now. When K texted me in the early morning after his work [like 3am] and I read it this morning at about 8am, his text said that his left leg was very sore and that he wanted to cry, he couldn't walk and wanted to chop it off. It was so sad to hear. All I wanted to do right after reading that text, was to go up to him and give him a BIG hug and kiss him, tell him that everything is going to be OK. I just really wanted to do that. I miss him so much. And I know he must've been under a lot of pressure or stress. Otherwise, he wouldn't say that he wanted to cry :(

He ended up calling me at 10.30am and we talked until 12pm. At first, I was unhappy, like moodless. But after a while of talking to him, everything was all good again. He told me that he really couldn't text me back at all last night was coz he was busy and he couldn't go on his 10mins break until 10pm. And he was really unhappy about that and said that he'd wag work [for one day] just so that he could come back to PN earlier to see me. After hearing that, I totally perked up! :D He said he'd do that just to piss them off [for not letting him on his break]. I was like YAYYY!! Wag work and come see me!!! xD haha. He said he might. So hopefully he can xD hehe I'm such a bad girlfriend xD

I really love my boyfriend. He's the bestest of the best! No one could EVER replace him!!! xD hehehe

I can't wait till he comes back! ♡

When He's Back

R came back today afternoon at 1pm and I went to visit him as I had the key to his room. He bought me back some Dunkin Donuts from the Auckland airport and he also bought me a big variety of cakes from Auckland.

I told K that he [R] was coming back and he told me to be careful when I'm around him and all. When it was time for K to go to work, he sent me a text saying, "Honey I'm at work now. You have fun at work and enjoy the rest of your day. I miss you a lot and not sure how to tell you. I thought a lot too. I love you heaps but not sure how to express." After reading that I was like, WHAT!? Where did that come from??

But in the end, I think it was the fact that I was with R and he felt jealous? And scared that I'd leave him for R? I dunno. But yeah. He always think that, no matter how many times I tell him that me and R are just good friends. Like BFF's. So yeah..

Then he called me at 10pm during his break, [he didn't even text me for the whole night :( so sad] and he sounded quite unhappy/upset. He did admit that he was a bit jealous, but he was OKabout it now. And that he didn't text me back coz he was real busy at work and wasn't able to take a break until then [10pm]. Somehow, I didn't believe that. At the end of the conversation, he didn't even say what he usually says before we hang up. He usually would tell me that he loves me and that he misses me. But this time he didn't. I asked if he missed me, he said, "I always miss you" in a .. flat tone. It was like.. sad :(

I notice that whenever he is unhappy [at me mostly] that he doesn't end the conversation with "I love you!" and/or "I miss you!" So that is how I know that he is unhappy/upset.

I think it is best if I never mention R's name in-front of him. Coz every time I do, this is what happens. It's worse when I hang out with R. So.. Yeah. I don't want this to always cause us both to fight or to be unhappy. I love K so much. After the phone call, suddenly, I felt like I was going to lose him. Thinking just that, made me feel so sad and unhappy. Like, I didn't want to lose him. Losing him would be the hardest thing for me. I love him so much. He means the world to me now. I don't know what I'd do without him in my life or him not being my boyfriend. I love him so so much.,

I can't wait till he comes back.. Although right now, I am a tad unhappy coz... He's unhappy? But yeah. I know that I don't want to lose him. I'm so strange.. It's only been like 3 months and I have fallen for him so deeply. Am I crazy? Or is it coz this is my first real relationship and first love? :/

I Lie?

He called me this afternoon while I was on my lunch break. He asked me when R was coming back to PN. [R had already texted me before K called, to not tell K coz he didn't want to meet up with C, as he has gone up to Auckland and knew that K would tell C].

So when I told K that he was coming back tomorrow, he instantly said that I was lying. I was like :O He said that R had told C that he [R] was coming back to PN tonight at 6pm [which was what R told me through text to tell him [K] if he asked]. I was like no, tomorrow. Then he's like saying that I'm always lying. After he said that, it was like, to me it was like, I can't believe he thinks I lie all the time! >:O I was so .. Hurt? I don't know. But yeah. I just felt sad after hearing that.

I don't know whether he meant it as a joke. But it certainly did not sound like it... I don't think I have ever lied to him before. Even if I have lied, it was only a little lie. Like telling him where I was and stuff, but in the end, he'd eventually find out where I am etc.

But seriously??? Me?? Always lying to him?! Oh come onnnn! He's gotta be kidding me, right? :/ Hmm... Yeah. I'll just pretend it's not effecting me :/

Three Months!

WOW! It's been 3 months already since me and K have been together! D: Wow. And by 'wow' I mean it as in, wow, it has felt like we have been together longer than that! :O But apparently not. Only been like 3 months. Geez.

My SM told me her and her boyfriend has only been together for 2 months and yet she feels like they have only been together for a couple of weeks! Like wow. Amazing eh? Different people, different thoughts, maybe?

Well, this month, I have sent him some songs as an anniversary 'present' :D They were: TEENAGE DREAM - KATY PERRY and PARACHUTE - CHERYL COLE. Those two songs are the ones that describe how I feel towards him and just my feelings in general. Like, it relates to me and him -if you know what I mean xD And last month I just uploaded that photo of him on FB [where I photoshopped it a bit]. Hmm.. I wonder what I should do next month eh? :/

Well I hope he likes them. I'm going to give him these little 'gifts' every month. I need to think of something new/different every month xD haha

I love him so much. Miss him. Can't wait till he comes back to PN :)

Bit More About Him

So he told me a little bit about his ex-girlfriend again last night.

He told me that he didn't talk to his ex-girlfriend for like about 3-4 days coz she was apparently 'with another guy.' And obviously not in a friend-way, was more like in a intimate way, which made him angry at her and just damn annoyed. And that he likes to be by himself if he is very very very angry [coz of me mainly] and that he wouldn't tell me where he would be.

The only reason that he'd be that angry is, if he finds out that I cheat on him or doing something that is totally unfaithful to him. Which I don't think I will do... Hopefully... :/ But yeah. Other than that, he said that he wouldn't get that angry and not talk to me for ages. He said the longest that he hasn't talked to someone [his ex-girlfriend/s most likely] would be about 2 weeks. I was like WHOA! Now that's a lonngggg time! D:

So yeah, I better be a good girl and not do anything unfaithful to him, which I don't think I will. Coz I love him deep down. I think it's this distance that we have, that keeps our love together.... Maybe? I wonder if I'd feel the same [like miss him tons and tons] when we live together and whether I'd still love him just as much?

I know this sounds quite harsh, but it's reality, right? Although I DO wish to be like this, all lovey-dovey with him for the rest of my life. It would be perfect :) But as we all know, we don't know what the future holds for us.. So.. I hope everything turns out right for me and him :)

Counting Down

He's coming back soon! Well sort of. Like another whole week and a half(?) Yeah. It's such along wait. And he is only able to stay for like a week. Like that's not long enough!!! x(

Aw I miss him so so much. I wish we lived together. Sometimes, I think about just getting married and everything will be fine. But then when I think deeply, marriage isn't the answer to everything. So.. Then again, I have to wait until the day comes. Sigh.

I really miss him a lot. I hope I don't have to work too much at Valleygirl, so that I could at least spend the day with him, even though I cannot spend the night with him, unless it's the weekend [coz my older sister is able to work for my parents].

AWWW!! I seriously miss him a lot! I don't know why! But I just do...

:(

work

Oh God! There has been so much pressure and stress from work!! BOTH sides! My parents shop and at Valleygirl!

It's like, my older sister cannot got to my parents shop to help them coz she has work from 4pm - 9pm so then I have to rush back to parents shop like pronto! Or else my dad is going to have a mental at me for being late to work, as he thinks that I'm having exams only recently and the fact that I have been going back to work late.

So it's like, after working at Valleygirl [finish either at 5pm or 5.30pm], I have to power walk to the bus stop and catch the bus back to my parents shop like real fast. And if I miss the bus I have to wait like 20mins for the next one and that costs a lot of time and that makes my dad go all psycho at me. So it's like so much pressure on me, coz at Valleygirl, I don't always get to leave on time coz there is like so much stuff to do and all. especially on the days that I finish at 5.30pm, coz I have to vacuum clean, tidy the racks etc. And sometimes I don't leave until like 5.45pm or 6pm. So it's like pressuring me to work faster as now I have to catch the bus before 6pm [last bus at 6pm].

That's what made me so angry and annoyed today at Valleygirl. Even my SSM saw me in a "bad mood" and asked my SM to see if I wanted to go home and get someone else to replace my shift. I was like, na. It's OK. I'll be fine. At the same time, my SM gave me this warning letter [coz I had undercharged customers 3x], so yeah. I'd say that it was one bad as day for me!

I even had a little cry to myself. It's like all thsi pressure is on me. I hated it. I just didn't want to work anymore. Didn't want to do anything at all. OH GOSH!! It was sooo damn stressful!! But luckily I had K to calm me down [although it didn't work] but at least I had someone to express my feelings to.

ARRGGHH! I hate pressure!!! I will have to like chill for now... And see how things go. Coz I DO want to finish on time andget back to my parents shop, coz I don't want my dad to go all psycho and nag me again. Sigh. :/

When He Was A Kid

He told me his 'life story' last night to me. It was mainly about him as a kid, and what he was like and all. Told me that he was quite a naughty kid when he was young -around about 4 years old. And to me, he sounded naughty but so cute as well. He's just adorable. His childhood sounded much like my father's. Yes, I know, makes my boyfriend sound so old haha. But it's true.

My dad was naughty as a kid. He lived in the country-side. Sort of. Well like his dad was a farmer anyways. And stole fruits and all off other peoples farms to eat. All this, is pretty much what both K and my dad had done when they were kids. It's like whoa, they are so similar.. Haha.

Hmm... I think in quite a few ways, that my boyfriend and my dad are similar. It's scary but amazing at the same time. I guess it's true that in the magazine said that, women tend to go for men that have similar traits to their father. When I read that, I thought it was just impossible and just damn creepy. I mean, it's like, liking your own father more than.. A father? [Haha]. But now.. I have a boyfriend who has similar traits as my father. Sort of. :)

Letting Go?

Recently, I am missing my boyfriend ever sooo much! I don't know why, But I do. I think about him like literally 24/7 and like need to know what he has been up to and all. And wishing that he was right here with me.

I miss him so much that sometimes, it gets so 'painful' that I start to think, whether I should let go of this relationship or not... It's so hard for me. I know it would be hard for him also. But sometimes, I think to myself, I just cannot take this any longer. I want my boyfriend to be with me, live in the same city as me, just so I can see and spend time with him whenever he is free or when I'm free.

But that fact is, we can't. And that's the thing that I'm missing out on the most in my first relationship. Everything is perfect for me in this relationship. Everything besides this distance that we have between us. Although we text and talk on the phone everyday, I still feel this distance that we are so far apart from each other and it's so hard to be able to see each other for a long time.

I don't want to give up this perfect relationship. Especially not with K. I love him so much. I just cannot force myself to let go of such a good guy like him. If I do, I know I will truly regret for the rest of my life. I just wish that time will fly past quickly. So then I will finally be able to graduate, then be able to move up to Auckland and live with him. I miss him so much.

It's like I want to spend every second of my life with him. I don't know whether I will get sick of him, but I'm sure I will at one point. But in the end, I will still love him and go back to him, just like I do with my siblings and parents. Finding them annoying. Wish I could get away from them, and when times pass, and they're not with you anymore, you feel so lonely and need to go back to them and all. If you know what I mean :)

But this long-distance relationship is REALLY REALLY HARD! I don't know why it has to be me that has to be in this long-distance relationship. It's so hard and painful. There are many times where I wish I hadn't gone into this relationship or even just letting go of this relationship. In the end, I cannot force myself to do that.. I love him so much. Hearing his voice and recieving his text messages mean the world to me at the moment, considering how far we are apart from each other. I miss him a lot

No Call

He didn't call me last night as he was busy with work. Somewhat, I felt really lost and lonely. Like, we [me and K] were on the verge of breaking up or something!

All these negative thoughts were coming to me. I don't know why. All the lovely memories that we have had together were rushing to my mind, and I just ended up crying a bit. I kept thinking, 'what would happen when we break up?' Which just caused me to be even more upset.

I don't know why I was so upset over it and it's not the first time that he hasn't called me just before I/we slept. I guess I just missed him a lot. He felt that I was unhappy, but I just said a little. I really did miss him and wanted to hear his voice.

I guess this is what you call "falling in love"? Maybe? Coz just thinking about breaking up, makes me so upset. But then, sometimes, when I do think about you know, leaving this world and that there is nothing to live for, I don't mind 'breaking up' with him like that. But when I re-think, I know deep down, I love him a lot. More than I have for any other guy...

Still Thinking...

Had my last exam yesterday afternoon! Didn't go so well! But oh well! I'm soo glad it's all over now!!! :D

So a couple of nights before, me and K were talking on the phone, and he was talking about our future together. Well not really "together". But we were talking about kids and all. It was very sweet. Until that thought of his ex-girlfriend came along [to my thoughts].

I just keep thinking that, considering he said that I look similar to her, and is somewhat like her [personality], even though she's apparently better. But I still just can't think that he is like treating me as her. Like, I have taken her spot. As in like.. A "replacement" for her. You know what I mean?

I know I shouldn't think like that, and I know his is damn faithful to me. But sometimes, I cannot help, but to think that he is treating me like her. I'm so bad, ain't I? I'm feeling a tad insecure. He tells me he loves me and all. I believe him, but... At the same time, I don't really believe him... Although I WANT to believe him.. But just can't bring myself to..

All I know is that, I, myself, really do love this guy and sometimes think that this relationship is just too damn good to be true... :/

Engraved On His Heart...

I was reading this story in my 20th Century Chinese Literature & Society, Study Guide, as I had to study for my exam [which is this Thursday].

It was called "Trials and Tribulations" by Chi Li. It's about the poor life of the people in China in the 1960's or something like that. And at the start, where the main character Yin Jiahou, leaves for work at the factory with his four year-old son. He says that:

"He knew as well as if he had eyes in the back of his head that a woman with her clothing thrown over her shoulders, her bare heels squashing the back of her shoes and her hair done up in a permanent that looked like a crow's nest was standing forlornly in front of a window in the broken-down row of houses, her face a sallow grey. She was watching father and son as they walked away. This was his wife. Are you sorry that your wife isn't a bit prettier? But think: in the whole world there is only her to see you off and wait for your return."

It's true. Later on, he has this fantasy to 'cheat' on his wife or is thinking of having a mistress or a second wife with his apprentice, Yali. He wipes that away. But this is the part where it got to me.

His old friend sends him a letter, telling him about his life is and that he [his friend] has recently seen Nie Ling, who is supposedly his ex-wife or [ex-]lover. He gets real sensitive when his friend mentions in the letter that she is now married and has a 7 year-old daughter. And when he [his friend] asks her why he [Yin] and her had broken up, she refused to tell him.

When there were women that were look-a-likes of her [Nie Ling], his heart would fluster and when it was confirmed that it wasn't her, he thinks to himself, 'Her name bore not the least resemblance to the one engraved long ago on his heart." He later on even thinks that she [Nie Ling] is the only woman that can make him feel like the way he does and that he will always be in his heart [or something like that] although he has a wife and son.

While I was reading this, it reminded me of K. Coz I mean, it DOES relate to me and him in a way. Although I'm not saying I'm ugly or anything. But the point is, that he DOES have his 3rd ex-girlfriend in his heart. And he DID tell me that he broke up with the 4th and 5th [ex] girlfriends cozhe didn't feel that they were as good as her [3rd ex]. Which caused me to think and think, whether I was good enough for him and thinking that he may compare me to her.

I asked him last night [relevant to the conversation that we had of course. Not just randomly asked him], whether I was the only one [girl] in his heart. He replied "Yes" without thinking. I don't know. Maybe he did think? I don't know. I repeated the question and said 'really?' and he kept saying yes and said, "You seem like you don't believe me...?" I was like, "Nope. I believe you."

But deep down, I just couldn't bring myself to believe him... Knowing that he has HER in his heart, telling me that the other 2 girls weren't good enough, not as good as her, and that relationship with her was the MOST memorable and BEST one and the fact that I look similar to her -somehow.. :/ Now I just can't seem to stop thinking too much into it...

Even when he talks about the future with me, I don't know why, but it seems like I have doubts about it. Like, is he with me coz of her? [look like her] although our attitudes are a tad different, or is it that he won't find another like me -or her [look-a-like]. I don't know! I know I should trust him. Trust his love for me and I KNOW I shouldn't think of him like this [分心/sharing his heart with another [woman] kind of person, you know?]. But at this moment, I can't bring myself to do that.

I'm sorry.. But until the day that he proves to me that he truly loves me, and no one else, then I cannot be like how I was before I found all this out. I don't know how he can do this. But I don't think marriage is the answer either. Coz lilke the story says, her name being engraved on his heart long ago.. So.. marriage doesn't solve anything. And the story i right, "Love and marriage are different subjects".

Sorry... And I cannot tell him this, Coz then he will not tell me anything else about her [and him] and I want to know, even if it hurts.... And kills me inside... Slowly...

Exams 2 & 3

Had my Chinese [written] exam this morning. Wasn't too hard. But wasn't that easy either. Didn't know a few questions, but made an attempt anyways, knowing that it'll be wrong haha. But I'm sure I did quite well :)

Also had my Japanese [written] exam in the afternoon. Was epically hard in a way. I studied so hard(?) for it and to realize after the exam [looking at my notes] the ones that I had been trying to memorize over and over again, but failed to remember DURING the exam. Oh so much fail man! :(

The Kanji was also damn hard. could hardly answer any of them. I hadn't really learnt those.. Mainly been learning the grammatical structures. Although for that part, I still managed to "blank out" for some questions...

But I gotta say. I DID try my hardest. And I would be happy enough to get a C- :/

Fingers crossed.

HIs Email 2

He emailed me again, and the subject line was: I shouldn't have told you off. Please read before you judge.

Just by reading that made me feel like I'm a definite judgemental person or something like that. I was totally unimpressed man. Reading the content, it was just, the same old. same old. Apologizing and what not. And says that he swears that he isn't ever going to feel anything again [besides friends] and that he has made it hard for me to trust him again [that he's over it -I'm guessing]. So yeah.

He even texted me tonight as well. Saying the same old. Telling me to tell my side of the story and to not be angry or upset at him. And to read the email that he had sent me. Blah blah blah.

I even told J about this whole situation. About the shopping "incident" and all as well as the email that he just sent me. He [J] told me that H was being an idiot and told me to stop talking or responding to his messages etc. And that I wasn't wrong [shopping "incident"] and yeah. Told me to just leave it. He's not worth the time blah blah. Pretty much similare to what R and K had told me. Although R thinks that "shopper" is me, but I haven't confirmed it to him yet -which I will later haha.

Well anyways, like I said before [and what K told me], I ain't going to reply until my exams are over. He's not that important.

His FB Message

Oh dear Lord. So H has sent me a message on FB. This time, K let me read it, although at the start he was like, "DON'T GO ON FB!!!" And I was like, why? He told me why and I promised him I wouldn't over-think too much into his [H] words this time, like that other time. So he finally agreed to let me read it.

After reading it, he was saying how he wishes to hear my side of the story, as he has expressed his side. And that he is not here to argue. And that after what happened [couple of days ago], he is definitely NOT going to keep his feelings and to try harder to throw them away. This is the part where he gets me all mad(!!!!)

He said that, he hopes that I pay more attention to my friends. "The people who cares" and telling me to consider his feelings. And I was just like thinking to myself, Chhyeah. Whateverrr! I don't need you to tell me what to do! >:O

But yeah, whatever, like I said before, I am not going to think too much into this. I don't care about him. He want to be my friend. Deal with it. Love me for who I am, or leave! I don't care. I know who I am and that I care for all the people around me [that care for me as much]. So if he can't feel it. Screw it! I don't care.

K is right. He's not worth my time. He can be a loner for all I freaking care! I know he don't have a lot of 'close friends' that he can hang out with, so I thought I'd be the nice one and hang out with him. And be his friend. But no. He says I was being "OVER-FRIENDLY" and that I "don't care about my friends". Like, whatever, you stupid emo kid! Screw you! xP

His Email

So he [H] actually emailed me last night instead of texting me or FB-ing me. I only got to read a bit of it. Coz I had just finished work @Valleygirl and it was like nearly 10pm by the time I got out. So Obviously, as usual, I went ofer to R's place and waited for my mom and sister to come and pick me up.

When I actually remembered to sign into hotmail, after FB-ing, I saw that there was an email from him. So I clicked it open. And man, it was ONE, LONG AS email. I only managed to read like 1/4 of that message. And then my sister and mom had arrived.

So when I got home, was on the phone with K. and in a way, I wanted to ask him about his ex-girlfriend, then in another way... I sort of didn't want to. But it was too late, I had already started it. I had asked him, "Can I ask you a question?" It WAS supposedly, suppose to be about his ex-girlfriend.... But I knew he wouldn't be overly impressed with the fact that I had brought it up again... So I ended up telling him about H's email to me. Telling him to open it and read it to me.

It was too long, so K decided to pretty much summarize it. And it went something like, how H thinks that I'm inconsiderate as a friend, not caring about his feelings, and all that stuff. Coz while I was happily shopping, he was most likely, bored, and like 'left out', maybe? And saying that I didn't care about him and that he had walked around The Plaza like a billion times, up and down. And yeah. Stuff like that.

K said that he will delete that email and send it to him [K] and then send it back to me, AFTER my exams. Coz he didn't want, what he [H] said about me, to effect my mood and my study mode.

In a way, I felt real.. upset after reading -or rather, hearing that. Coz he [H] said that I didn't care about the people around me and at the same time, K said the same thing about me too... So.. It just got to me. And I ended up having a little cry... I guess it was the fact that "reality kicked in".

Maybe I am inconsiderate and selfish. Maybe I am the person who doesn't care about the people that are around me... I even asked k that, but he said not selfish, coz what I did, was totally normal [reaction]. But with caring about the people around me, he said sometimes I don't care about them. Like, I'm off in my own little world, and forget that they are there.

I asked R if that "shopper" was inconsiderate and selfish. And he said no.

I mean, yeah, I admit, I do get carried away when it comes to shopping. Coz in a way, it's like soo exciting and I like want to get it over and done with. You know?

Well.. K won't allow me to reply to the email or read it yet. He said I will be able to reply it after my exams. And he also said that H is not worth it. He's not a keeper [friend]. Just lose him as a friend. Coz he doesn't respect me and that he expects too much from me. Like, all the care and stuff. And asking me to tell him where I am and all. He [K] said that's too much from friend status. The way he's asking you to care for him, is more like a boyfriend-girlfirend kind of way, rather than a friend kind of way. I was like hmm...

SO! Right now! I jus really need to focus, focus, focus! On my studies!! More exams next week!! Arrrrghhh!

His Ex-Girlfriend. Part 2

We were on the phone this afternoon. And he told me that I his ex-girlfriend is similar to me.. Oh my gosh... But our attitude is a bit different. He said that she is more considerate of [his] feelings more than I am. And the fact that I always talk back to him and she wouldn't/doesn't [when they were together]. Also, I don't listen to the things that he tell me to do/not to do [whereas she would]. And that I'm not that considerate. Only sometimes. Like :O

I was like, "Oh ok.. So now it's like I'm getting compared to her aye?" And he sort of got defensive and said, "No. Of course not." But somehow, that just made me think more. I mean, yeah I know, I told him that if he talked about his ex-girlfriend's I wouldn't mind and I told him that I would definitely not get jealous or think negative when he tells me stuff about them. But this time, I seriously cannot help but to think negative... In a way..

I said, that he must've gotten over her [his 3rd ex-girlfriend. Apparently his most memorable and best relationship ever] by now coz he had another 2 girlfriends after her. Then he had to just.. Say that he realized that the other two weren't as good as the 3rd one, so he broke it off with them. Or they broke off with him in the end. I don't know whether they knew about this. But I found it really sad..

I mean, now that I know that I am "similar" to her and all. And that he somewhat compares me to her. It's like, 'oh sorry.. I'm just not good enough for you, like she was aye?' But yeah. I just didn't want to say any of this to him... I don't want him to get all worried-mode on me. I want him to keep telling me things about her. I don't know. Now it sounds like I'm comparing myself to her... :/

Later on, I felt like asking him, why they broke up. But then I thought it would be random just asking him after like 3hrs later. So yeah.. When he called me later on at night, I really, really, really(!!) wanted to ask him, but I just couldn't seem to bring out the courage to ask him... He did say that, that relationship was the best he's ever had and all the memories of that relationship is the most clearest and painful at the same time. So... Then again, I don't have the heart to dig out the sad side [breaking up] of his most memorable relationship... But I really do want to know..

Oh it's really bothering me. Although I know that they won't get back together, as she has gone back to China, a couple of weeks ago. But they still keep in touch. I really think that this:

If ex's can still be friends, they are either:
1. Still in love.
OR
2. They never were [in love].

Is true. I think that he is still in love with her [But I don't think she has those feelings for him, maybe??]. Maybe not as much. But I know he still has those feelings for her.. And I guess that is what's killing me inside... Slowly...

And I keep thinking/comparing myself to her. Like, trying to be more considerate of him -and others! I don't know. I'm going crazy!!! @O@

Long Time No See/Talk

Today was the first time in ages that me and H finally talked. Like face-to-face.

I mean, no. I wouldn't say it was that awkward. But I think it was a tad awkward and hard for him. I don't know. But yeah, like I always do, I always like to pretend nothing had/has happened and act like normal. So... I was OK with it.

But he kept coming back into the [computer] lab and seeing and talking to me. Like, did he really miss me that much? In the end, he asked what I was doing later and I said that I was going to go to town and eat and then shop. He said that he'd come along with me. I was like, erm. Sure.

So I met up with my older sister as I needed to change my shoes for work. He missed the bus [with me] coz he had to hand in his assignment, so he took the next one and was late. I finished eating my delicious duck noodle soup @Thai House Express. Man I'm loving that dish right now! xD Haha. When I walked out, he had arrived and we went to Chada Thai to get my sister a almond bubble tea.

Since he wanted to eat @Bean Cafe, and it wasn't opened yet [opens at 5pm], I said we should go shopping. So we walked to The Plaza, and my sister went home. I went straight to TEMT, he said he needed to check his [bank] account so he told me to go ahead, I was like, OK. I was like trying on clothes and took about 30mins and then didn't buy anything. HE texted me and said to text him when I was done, so I did.

Then I walked over to Valleygirl and MAN, I spent like $109 there for 4x items. SHEESH! In a way.. I sort of left him alone, when all he wanted was to spend some time with me [I guess?] By the time I had finished shopping and paying for all that, it was time for me to work [at 5.30pm] so he had to got and eat by himself and then go home.

He looked like he was bothered about something. Maybe it was coz of me? Leaving him all by himself while I was like la-la-la happily shopping? Probably aye....? :/ Asked him what's wrong and he said nothing and that he'd text it to me tonight, whatever the problem is [right now] I was like, um. OK? He seriously looked like he was upset about something and on the verge of crying.

Don't know what his problem is. But I saw that on FB he said "Goodbye to FB" or something like that. And he blogs with Xanga, and he said that even Xanga can't help him express his feelings or something. I was like, Hmm.. There IS definitely SOMETHING wrong.. Coz of me, maybe? :/

Wonder what's wrong with him aye.... :/

Exam 1

Done my first exam today. Was Japanese Film. Sheesh. Was sort of hard. Well, not really. The first section was pretty straight-forward and easy aye. But the second section, it was alright, not too bad. Probably will get at least half of them all correct.. Hopefully! Haha. And the last section, oh gosh. Having to write a 1000 words essay! Man! That's crazy! Rambled on with whatever. Hoping it's relevant.. Or most likely it's not.. Haha.


Oh well! now I gotta study and get onto with my Japanese [language] and Chinese [language]!! Or I'm SCREWED! Especially for the Japanese man!! Eeep!!! x( Arrgh. Man I hate Japanese. The grammatical structures are soo damn hard to remember!!

Work - Again

Oh deary me. Seems like I haven't had much luck at work latey..

Did this major complex and out-of-it problem at on Wednesday. All of us [managers + me] we like what the hell did I [Q] do?? O___o it was SUCH a hassle! I felt soo bad doing it!!

And then TODAY! I made another mistake. I UNDER-CHARGED a customer $20. Oh sigh... And they haven't found out it was me -yet! But they will soon. They know that there is a post-difference of $20. But not sure who done it. And soon, they will know it's me. I somewhat feel scared. Coz i hate getting into trouble and when I make mistakes, I feel so down -like it's the end of the world or something. And yet, I make so many mistakes. I think this is the third mistake that I have made during my [about] 4 months of employment @Valleygirl :( And man. It hasn't even been 6 months and I have done THREE mistakes on the till already :( Man I suck.

Don't know WHY I did that. But I did. Maybe it's from the stress/pressure of the strict as store policies and the fact that I know that we are being watched [constantly] through the cameras at the head office [in Auckland and Australia], and that makes me soo nervous!! And probably the fact that I have exams, and I'm stressing out a bit.... Yeah... I just need to chill.... And CALM DOWN.....

I have only told K. He did his best in comforting me. And I thank him for that. Being there for me when I most need it. He's certainly improving from when we were dating at first :)

So yeah. I will DEFINITELY HAVE TO:
1. SLOW DOWN - DON'T RUSH!! TAKE MY TIME!! LIKE SERIOUSLY
2. READ/LOOK CAREFULLY AT THE PRICE
and
3. DOUBLE CHECK!!!!

whenever I am working at the counter. Or I'm going to be SCREWED -AGAIN! And I really don't want to be having another "talk" with my mangers :( esp P [SSM] coz she always has my back and looks out for me. I don't want to cause any more trouble for her coz of me :( And I know that L [SM] has my back too. But I know she wouldn't be too impressed knowing that I continue to make more mistakes x(

Hopefully I won't make another mistake, any time soon!!! xO

Fine Now

So we are all good now :) I ended up texting him through my older sister's phone, coz he texted her first asking how work was and all.

I asked him what's wrong. He told "my sister" that he had hung up on me and all. Told me that he was sad and lost. I felt so sad and worried about him.

So in the end, at about 8pm, I texted him back. Throughout the day, he kept texting me. He even called me twice. But I was at work then. So I couldn't even pick up or hear it. He thought that I purposely ignored his calls.

We talked it out. He kept saying it was his fault and said that we should jsut blame him. End of story. I was like aww, it can't always be your fault :( But we're fine now. We ended up chatting on the phone like every other night. And now, he won't EVER want to hang up first. Coz he doesn't want to be so "rude" and hang up on me like the other night :)

He's just so adorable. I love him so much. I can really feel that he doesn't want to lose me. I love him tons and tons. And I never want to let go of such an awesome guy like him. He's the best. I miss him so much.

Seems like, after every little fight or argument that we have, I tend to miss him more than usual :/ I don't know why. Maybe it's coz I'm scared I'd lose him? I don't know. But all I know is, that I love him heaps. And I miss him TONS. I really wish that we lived together or that we lived in the same city. That way, I get to see him more and get more hugs and cuddles with him when I need and want them :)

I miss his touch :(

Fight Over the Phone

Last night. after work @Valleygirl, about 10pm K called me just before he slept as he had work at 4am the next day. During his call, around 11.10pm, we sort of had this "fight". So it goes like this:


We started talking about the day we met each other and how we felt towards each other before we went out and when we were just friends. And then he said something like, that he decided to go for me, when he realized or found out that some other guy had no hope of being with me. Like, saying that I had no interest in him [that other guy]. And then I was like, "OHH. So who is this other guy??! What guy?!" He then said that it was a secret and it was just between him and his "man stuff" or whatever. I kept asking him to tell me who it was that gave him that "hope" to go for it. Or like consider me as his girlfriend and all. But he kept saying he wont' tell me.


He was texting during our conversation, I didn't mind it. But then like 5 seconds after me asking him to tell me, he decides that he has forgotten what we were talking about. I mean what the hell?? How can you forget something that we happen to just be talking about in like 5 seconds?! And the fact that we hadn't even changed topics!?! He kept saying that I should remind him on what we were talking about and that I should ask him the question or what I had wanted to know, or else he will seriously forget all about it the next day. I was like, Oh my f*&^ing God! You gotta be kidding me! Somehow, I was very annoyed with him.. I guess it was mainly for forgetting and texting instead of listening to me.


He kept asking me what it was that I wanted to know, and I was like, you know what I want to know. He kept saying that he can't remember what we were talking about. Then it went on and he said in Cantonese, that I was very "stubborn". I was like meh [in my head].


But then he used his serious tone and said something like, "If you want to know something, just ask. Otherwise i don't know what to tell you. And I will forget the next day." Or something along those lines. I was like, "MEH! Whatever. I don't want to know anymore." And that was the point where I really got all grumpy and was like whatever, go to sleep. Then he said OK. And he was about to say something, but I sort of cut in saying "bye" but like, I didn't know he was going to say something. I thought he was going to say 'bye' so I was like bye. So then he didn't even carry on with his sentence [whatever he was going to say] and said "bye" and then hung up. I was like :O so shocked! He hung up on me just like that!


I was soo annoyed for the whole night. Then I decided to get R to call me up so I can somewhat, forget about this problem and relax, talk about this H situtation and all. But R didn't get my [FB] message until later on.


Before this whole 'argument' he had told me to text him when I got home and was going to sleep [as I was at R's coz it was late and needed a ride home from my sister]. I was like OK. So then, after the argument. I was thinking, whether or not I should text him. So I ended up texting him at 12.25am, saying, "I'm home now. Bedtime. Good night. Enjoy work." I don't know. Like, did that sound a bit harsh or ... "hearltess"??


But for the whole night, I felt so.. Unhappy?/annoyed? Yet "regretful". Why? Coz somehow, I felt so childish. For like, not repeating the question. Acting immature and like suddenly get all grumpy on him. But it's not my fault... [Is it?] I mean, whenever he goes all serious-tone/talk on me, all my mood suddenly disappears. It's like ARRGH! Kills the mood entirely. Also, I felt that, I shouldn't be so hard on him, since it was getting late and he should be getting his good night's sleep, since he had work early in the morning tomorrow. Yet, I was being an immature little girl....


Feeling annoyed was mainly him forgetting what I/we were talking about. I feel so bad, yet annoyed... I have been thinking all of last night, whether I should reply his FB messages that we always send to each other when he's not in PN, and whether or not I should text him the next day after he texts he back from the message that I sent him last night. But in the end, I didn't text him back... And he had apologized over text, telling me to forgive him. And even now, I haven't replied... I don't know why... I just somehow.. Don't feel like talking to him..


Like, I miss him. Yes. And this is the first time that we have had a fight over the phone, where we are not able to see each other like the previous times where we had our "fights/arguments". So yeah.. Don't know. I think we're both wrong. But me mainly.. Coz I've been so childish.. I think I should apologize... Soon.... He's getting very worried about me and all...


I'm sorry Honey....

His Mum

So on Friday afternoon, he called me. And then during our conversation, his mother called and asked if he could drive her to her daughter [his sisters] work place, so she could deliever her some lunch. He said OK.

When they were in the car, K decided to pass the phone to his mum, and she ended up talking to me for about 5-10mins. It was quite nerve-racking. Though it was nice talking to her. She told me that she was delievering lunch to her daughter, that microwaved foods are bad for your health, asked what I was doing now and how long I had left at Uni, She thought that I couldn't speak Chinese, told me that K can't read Chinese, and how she made him but he kept saying 'Yeah, later' I was like, "Haha." And yeah.. Stuff like that.

I was reallllyyyyy nervous!!! like arrggh! Soo nervous that I had to think about what to say, and what I was about to say, just in case I sounded a tad impolite or said something wrong. Like OOSSHH! So scary and nervous!

Now he wants me to go meet his dad and have a conversation with him. And I was like, "Nooo! I already told you that I don't know how to talk to adults!!!" But he keeps insisting.. Sigh... I guess anything for my boyfriend.. My beloved boyfriend.. Well I will TRY having a good conversation with his dad/mum when I do see them face-to-face at some point.. Sigh. Scary!!

My/Our Love

It was soo tragic last night when I realized that I had "lost" my ring. The ring that me and K had ro "represent" our love for each other. And I had LOST it! Like oh my God! I was freaking out -again! I searched my bag, from top to bottom, inside and out. I was like going crazy!!!! Then... I decided to tell him that I had lost it..

He was really calm when I told him [via text] although he was working at the same time, he still made time to calm me down and telling me to not worry about it too much and that it will appear out of nowhere tomorrow. I was like, "What if it doesn't appear?? What if I never find it?" :( He said that he will buy me another one when he comes back in November or he'll get one in Auckland. I was like, "NOOO! I want it now! I want to wear it now!!" I really did want to wear it. It means a lot to me that ring..

He is just so sweet and amazing. I love him so much. I can't believe how calm he was. He said that he would've been mad at me if I had purposely lost it. But it was only an accident, so he won't be that angry. I was like, "Aww! Of course it's an accident!" I'm not going to throw away our love. He told me it didn't matter, it was only a ring, it can be replaced. But if my heart wasn't there [for him], it cannot be replaced. I was like AWW! Honey!! I love you soo much! I will never leave you! My heart is yours and yours only!! :))

The whole night, I was totally unhappy about it. And felt so bad losing it. I knew he would be unhappy about it. That's why I was quite scared telling him. I thought he would go nuts at me. But I had to tell him.

Eventually, I found it at my parents shop in the afternoon [4.30pm]. Where I was working at last night. And took it off coz I didn't want to make it dirty. I was SOO happy and relieved when I found it. And immediately told him I found it! :D

He had called me earlier in the afternoon, for a chat. And he told me that, he did feel a bit unhappy when he had heard that I had lost the ring. I felt so bad when he said that. But later on, when I told him that I had found it, he was happy and said that he will definitely be unhappy if I lost it again. I was like, I'll try not to lost it again!! x(

Ohh... I love him so much.. And I'm so happy that I have found it and happily wearing it :) I love him so so so so much!

Connection Error

Was soo sad last night when K couldn't call me last night :'( Well he did call me. But that only lasted for like 4mins and then we both got cut off. Man, I was freaking out!! xO I didn't even know what happened. I tried calling him like 10x + and it never got through!! Texted him like 4-5 times and didn't get any reply. I was like Oh my gosh!! What's happening!? Where did my honey go?!! Freaking out - bad time!!

Then my older sister came in and told me that he had told her [via MSN] that there were no connection [coverage] in his area, so he wasn't able to call me again. I was like NOOOO!!!! Can't be!!! I need to talk to my honey!! Or I won't be able to sleep!!! xO

It was so saddening. I started crying. I don't know why, but I did. I just wanted, like really really really wanted to talk to him. Hear his voice and everything. But I couldn't even get through to him. Then the idea of using my phone to go on MSN and FB came into my mind.

I FINALLY managed to get through to him on FB first, then we ended up chatting on MSN. Like *phew* a big sigh of relief came over me. I was so damn relieved that I was able to talk to him, even if it wasn't on the phone. Knowing that he was fine and being able to talk to him before I sleep, was so good. I was able to sleep 'peacefully'. I think, if I didn't get to talk to him on MSN, I wouldn't of slept well and would've been worrying hard out about him :/

Hmm.. I guess I really do love him a lot... xD He told me that this made him realize how much I mean to him and how much he cares for me. He said he literally went nuts and tried everything to get through to me. He even thought of driving [it was like 12am] out and seeing where he could get some coverage so he ccan call me. I was like, 'Aww honey :)' And it was the first time that he ever went nuts like this. Hearing this, made me smile :)

He's just so sweet. He means so much to me :)

♡

Another Girl

Why does he have to be talking about other girls?? Last night on the phone, he randomly bought up that he'd go flirt or something like that with my Korean friend, M, who lives/studies in Auckland. He met her when I was up in Auckland in June. He told me that time, that he thought she was cute coz of the fact that she was so quiet and shy. The way that she talked was quiet [=calm] which made her so cute and stuff like. At that point, we were just friends. So I didn't really mind him saying that, and considering it was me, who asked what he thought about her.

Later on, he tells me that, if we weren't going out, he would've been considering M, and thinking about asking her out and getting to know her and all. I was like, "Oh..." But I didn't take it to heart. But somehow, last night, when he said that he would go find M, coz I wouldn't do something [or something like that], he said he'd go find her, and I said, you don't know where she lives. He goes, "I have my ways of finding out." After that, I some what, felt all upset and sad. I don't know why.. But I just did...

He then realized that I was no longer in a happy mood and apologized for saying that. And that it was only a joke. I was like OK.. I told him to sleep, as it was getting late and he had work early in the morning at 4am. So I didn't want him to be so tired considering it was like nearly 12am. He said he'd call me again tomorrow.

After we hung up, I texted R, coz he texted me about 11.15pm asking if I was still awake, but at that time, I was on the phone with K. So I texted him that and then later on, he called me. And we ended up having a 2hr 2mins talk. The battery on his phone ran out. So we ended the conversation then.

Anyways! So I told R about the situation, coz he asked how me and K were going. I was like, "Meh. The same old." [in Cantonese]. And he was like, "Wow, you don't seem too happy. I thought when girls are dating someone, and get asked that question, they get all excited and say it's good not "The same old" ..." So that's when I told him the situation. He said that it was normal for me to be upset. Considering he did talk about another girl. And saying, who wouldn't be upset in that situation?

I told him, that I don't mind him talking about other girls. As long as it wasn't about [dating/flirting etc.] with my sisters or friends. If it was just a random girl in town or on the streets, then I wouldn't mind. Then R said, "Wow. You have such a good [tolerance] temper/"thoughtful". You're such a good person! You're my idol!" I was like, "Haha. Am I?"

But yeah, anyways, I told him that now that I think about it, I think that I was quite immature/childish just getting upset over such little thing. Considering how unlikely its going to happen [him and M]. But R said that it wasn't immature/childish. It's normal. And that K shouldn't of said such thing.

Later on he asked if k knew that I was talking to him on the phone. I said no. Coz I think we all know that K will be unhappy if he knew. R was like, "That's really sad that you're not allowed to talk to your other [guy] friends.." Then I told him, "Na. Well, if I put myself in his shoes, and he was talking to his [close] female friend all the, like me and you do. I would get quite unhappy and jealous as well. So I understand where he is coming from." He was like, "Hmm..."

So in the end, you could say that, R made me happy again. Although I still think about it. But no matter how much R can make me happy and smile when I'm down, I will still love K. My heart will always belong to him, no matter how much he annoys me, pisses me off, makes me angry or upset at him etc. I will still love him in the end. Coz I know he truly loves me...

Am I stupid.............?